Need some advice on this....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2011
Need some advice on this....
2
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 3:45pm

Hi gals, I need some advice and I was hoping I'd find some kind hearted ladies who will read my saga and offer some insight. thanks in advance and happy holidays

In July, I found out I was pregnant. I had been on the pill for two years, it came as a total surprised that I was knocked up. I freaked out at first but my fiance was great and so understanding. We ended up being quite excited and looking forward to it. In late August I found out I had lost the baby. I refused a D and C and ended up not miscarrying until late November. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and I think it had something to do with the late MC.

Anyways, over the past week I was getting nauseous and had heartburn, both familiar symptoms from when I was preggo. However I took a preg test today and it was negative. I was disappointed.

Now, my fiance and I did NOT want kids. We both have some health issues in our family that while they are not serious we just never felt like we needed to bring kids into the world and were decided on adoption. Now I am not so sure. He has told me he would very much like for us to have our own child now. So becoming pregnant out of the blue has made us think... I had even told him that if I lost this baby I might want to try again. But we both only want one now. That is for sure.

but... I have an autoimmune disease. MY RA is manageable right now and in fact I got off my drugs when I found out I was preggo and have been managing it with diet. But the truth is in a few years I might be completely unable to care for a newborn. Truly, now might be the best time for me to get pregnant and look after a child (hubby works, I have a small at home business)

I just recently started the pill again, I am on day 10. I am obese and the side effects are much higher for us chunky ladies and I do not want to be on it for long. Hubby will eventually get a vasectomy as we HATE condoms and I do not want any hormonal BC for a long time period. I also do not trust the pill as i was using it perfectly when I got pregnant.

I just need some advice... in my situation, what would you do???

I am also terrified that I am going to get complications and die, or that the baby will be unhealthy. I know those are common concerns but since I have RA and am overweight the risks are greater. I am also terrified of another MC.. (if I have another MC, that is it for trying)

My heart and my brain are always at odds with each other. I have such a hard time with decisions it very much helps for me to hear advice from others. So thank you very much

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2011
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 7:42pm

Don't rush into anything. I think you are right to be on the pill until you figure out what you really want. I know the health issues are huge, but don't let that be your only reason for not having a child. Lots of people have health issues and raise families. It sounds like you have a supportive husband and a family-friendly career. If you decide it's what you want, go for it. Maybe you could look into adoption like you and your fiance talked about? It might help you make up your mind about the idea of a biological child vs. adopted child if you do some research into your options. Also, you said he's your fiance. Are you planning a wedding any time soon? There is so much stress involved in bridal stuff, you might want to be married first, so you can focus on one thing at a time. (Or, if you are one of those people that stays engaged for years, I guess you could figure out the baby thing first and worry about wedding stress later.)

From my experience, PMS and moods are awful after m/c. I was on and off the pill for years, and had an early m/c this fall. I feel like crap. Heartburn, nausea, sore boobs, mood swings, anger, tiredness, lack of sex drive, crying spells. It's really rough. I swore I was preggo this month, but nope, I was wrong, just more crazy hormones. I've heard lots of other woman say the same thing. The hormones are a crazy horrid rollercoaster for a few months. I do hope it gets better.

Good luck with your decision.

Momma to:
Madelyn, February 26, 2001
Aaron, January 2, 2005
Baby #3, October 2, 2012

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 11:00pm
I have fibromyalgia & the myriad of health issues that go with it, so I understand your confusion over ttc. I recently married & we want a baby asap as he'll be 40 in September, and I'm off all my meds now. Its tough, but worth it. I have a 9yo DD from a previous marriage & I had a tough pregnancy with her. I have been referred to a high-risk OB to help manage my chronic health issues while TTC & pregnant.
I hope you find some help in this. Best of luck in whatever you decide & keep us posted!

Nadine - deenie1979

jesussig.jpg image by nadine1979