question for everyone!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
question for everyone!!
3
Sat, 08-16-2003 - 3:08pm
haha, i posted this in the wrong place, earlier today! silly me~

HOW DID YOU ALL DECIDE TO TTC??

did you decide you wanted another, and talk dh into it?? was it a mutual decision?? did he start the conversation?

for those of you who wanted more and dh did not, how did you talk him into trying again?? (this is the case with me- i want to start charting things more carefully, and trying in 3 months from now, or so, but he wants to wait another 4 years before THINKING about it again!!! we have a 9 month old now)

just curious... any suggestions for me, for bringing up the topic?? (also just miscarried, earlier this month, and i think that's what got me thinking about #2..)

bec

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2002
Sat, 08-16-2003 - 5:47pm
Hey bec,

Well for me DH has no kids and he thinks his getting up in age, so since we got all I finances in order we decided to just do it. I already have DS and he is so great with him so I guess hewants one of his own.

Imani

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Sat, 08-16-2003 - 6:27pm
Bec~ First of all, I am so sorry about your loss. I recognize your name for the Pl board. I completely understand your predicament. I had a m/c early last month, the pregnancy was unplanned. My fiance and I weren't planning on even trying for at least a few years. I know for me, I have been able to think of nothing other than trying again ASAP. (little obsessed) I know it's normal after a loss, but it is frustrating trying to get you df/dh to understand how you feel. Have the two of you talked about it much since? Has he given you particular reason why he wants to wait so long? My best advice would be to be as honest as possible with him about how strongly you feel about trying again. It worked for me, but I was honestly sick to my stomach about bringing the whole thing up. At the very least maybe you and your dh can come to a compromise about time frames. As far as how to bring it up . . . kinda hard to slide it in a conversation. May just have to tackle it head-on. Good luck to you!!

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Sat, 08-16-2003 - 7:46pm
well... as far as why he wants to wait so long, i think it's a money issue- which is funny, because chances are, he will not be making much more in 5 years than he is now, so i dont see why we can't try sooner.

he is 10 years older than his little brother and he HATED the age difference. and my family had 2 years between each child, and he can see how close we all are, and he likes my brothers, etc... so i dont see why he's just set against it all.

as far as the m/c, we've talked about it a couple of times (and wanting to TTC at dd's 1st birthday is NOT because of the m/c... i've been thinking about this since i was pregnant with dd!!) he thinks i'm overreacting a little... he may even think it never really happened and it's all in my head- (he said something like i wasnt even sure, and i told him what i saw, and showed him that book, but i dont really know if he thinks i'm crazy or what :P ...) but i explained that it's better for me if i acknowledge that it happened, and allow myself to move on, or else i'll be stuck here wondering why for months... and i dont need that, and neither does he. so, he's been good about listening, and even if he doesnt agree with it all, he's not fought me on anything... (have yet to tell him i named the baby, though- started to bring it up tonight and he thought i was talking about something else, haha- what a nerd :P he was heading out for work so i didnt correct him- i'll tell him tonight, i think.)

anyway, i've let him know that i'd like to try by the time dd is at least 2, and we've agreed to just let things go, and if we forget to use something, and i end up pregnant, then ok... but we're not actively TTC right now...(nor are we exactly actively TTP, either, haha) :P

now, did that make ANY sense???

bec