Starting to freak out!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Starting to freak out!!
7
Mon, 08-18-2003 - 1:01am
Ok, so my husband and I just decided to TTC like two weeks ago. Right now I'm between jobs and my classes don't start back up again for another week. So basically I've been bored and overthinking everything.

For months (like 8!!) I've been badly wanting to start trying but my husband wasn't ready. Now that he is, I'm starting to wonder if I am!!! I'm just having all these fears and doubts and what ifs and its freaking me out! I don't want to talk to Jason about it because I don't want to talk him OUT of it again, lol. Like now I'm thinking, did I just want a baby because I knew I coulddn't have one? (I know, its NUTS!)

I know this is a decision that we can't take back once we're pregnant, I guess I'm just scared of making the wrong choice!!

Anyone else gone or going thru this? Any advice?

Camille

Lilypie Lilypie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 08-18-2003 - 1:41am
ive been there. At first my dh was ready and i wasnt. than i was and he wasnt.

now he is but now its like i still do BUT im nervouse because of money. were

not rich. dh makes a good living but not much more than just getting the bills

paid. and now that ive talked him into it i feel responsable if we cant handle

a 3rd child. it would be my fault. BUT the way i see it is, we will never be

rich, and we have a loving home, and we both really want a 3rd. ever sence i

was little i have dreamed of a big family, im 28, i want my last child before

im 30, and if i wait to win the lotto it wouldnt happen. were no where near

poor so i dont think that should stand in the way of our dreams to have a big

family. so i am jumping in with both feet. just figure out what you want and go

for it. everything will fall into place. i got pg at 17 w/ my 1st. and i dont

regrett keeping him at all. it was tough but so worth it. and everything worked

out great!!! well ive rambled on long enough. good luck to you!

Angela

cd8
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-18-2003 - 1:48am
hello

i used to be an active member of this board before the fomat changed, now i just lurk (mainly because DH changed his mind but not me, so i still stop by).

Anyways...

I think its completly normal to feel the way you do. B4 i had my DS, now 20 months, i would constantly have doubts about having a child and being a mother. I think alot of women do. I know we made the right choice and I wouldnt change it for the world. However, If you feel deep in your heart that your not ready, then wait. And im confident that youll know how you feel if you try this:

Think about having one. How do you feel?

Now, think about NOT having one. How do you feel?

Which one tugs at your heart?

I hope you understand what Im trying to say. But i know this, it is definatly normal.

Good Luck, I hope your stay here is short. :)

Lisa, DH Kevin (which whom im trying to convince to try for #2), and DS Mason

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 08-18-2003 - 3:22pm
Lisa,

When I ask myself those questions you posed, for the one WITH the baby I feel scared and for the one WITHOUT, I feel like I'm making a mistake/wasting an opportunity or something. The thing is, its either NOW or in several years. I would like it to be more like in one or two years. I know no one but me and Jason can make this decision, but I keep trying to push it off on one of you anyway, lol.

I couldn't sleep last night because I couldn't get it out of my head and when I finally fell asleep, I had awful dreams about my husband cheating on me and us getting a divorce. I guess my biggest fear is that something will come between us, which makes no sense, because a baby should bring us pretty darn close together. I don't know what my deal is!! I'm hoping that its AF hormones making me crazy. Before when I would think about two pink lines showing up, or see a baby, I would get so happy I'd almost start crying! But the past few days, I see a baby and just see this huge responsibilty!!

I think I've come to the point in my life where I realize that I can't control everything, I don't know everything and it scares me, I'm starting to think that I know nothing!! Ack, I'm a mess :)

Camille

Lilypie Lilypie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 1:34am
Camille,

im sorry your having a rough time, with the dreams and everything. i know how you feel. i thought about the same things. heck, im still scared about being a mom and whats to come. i get scared thinking about having another. that part is normal. however if your relationship isnt stable, then i would suggest waiting and seeing how it goes. im not SAYING that your relationship isnt stable, but just in case. if your ralationship is good, then id say go for it. sure your scared when thinking of having one, but your dissapointed when thinking of not. but your right, it is a decision for you both to make. try talking to him about trying in a year or 2. maybe he will comly. if you tell him how your feeling, then he might see it your way. i hope you can get things worked out. let me know how things go. ill try to check back in a few days (im kinda down right now with an ear infection so ill probably be away from computer for a while.) take care!

(((((((hugs)))))))

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 10:48pm
Lisa,

Thanks for the hugs :)

I think I obsessed about it and now I've calmed down about the whole thing. I've basically decided that if I don't get pregnant these two cycles, I'll be fine and if I do, then I'll be excited. I've decided to stop stressing and just see what happens.

If we don't get pg this time around, then we can see what the future holds for in two years, it can't be sooner than that because of work, school and the Navy (which has a mind of its own, lol). Hence the now or in forever theme.

Our relationship is stable and we've talked about it, but since I'm not pregnant yet, my husband hasn't started worrying. In his mind there's no need, but in mine, its like, THIS would be the time to worry because once you're pg its too late to worry if you're ready, you just have to be! But he's a man, lol and doesn't think like that. But I think everything's going to be ok, I just have this feeling that it will.

I guess I just had to freak out and get some reassurance from you guys first! lol

Camille

Lilypie Lilypie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 1:41am
Hi Camille,

First thing, take nice deep long breath. In through the nose and out through the mouth.

No matter when you read this, do it ;)

Second thing, you and your husband have been on the fence and that's ok. It is a huge decision. Isn't it great that you've decided rather than having an accidental pg? You and your DH can tell your child/ren how much you wanted them and love them.

Have you bought "What to expect when you are expecting"? I did yesterday and what an eyeopener it is.

You'll see that women go through many acceptance stages during her first trimester. Fear, Elation, Disbelief, Worry, Happiness etc.. It is perfectly normal to worry about your choices, but those are the choices you have made.

From my experience, I asked my DH about it about 15 times. My advice, or rather our advice that we are subscribing to is that we decided we are ready, we want a baby in our family and that is that.

Relax, baby dance with your DH and conceive.

Claire

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 1:44am
Camille,

In response to your second post. Your dreams are completely normal I swear up and down.

I've recently dreamt of positive hpt's, happiness and then all of a sudden about his past sexual relationships. Girls I don't even know what they look like and my brain creates them.

It's just our way of working through our fears as we slumber. This is totally normal, healthy and will make you better suited to deal with the responsibility when you are pg.

Claire