Throwing a Tantrum Here! Wanna join?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Throwing a Tantrum Here! Wanna join?
8
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 2:07pm
****Crying Out Loud****

AAARGHH!! I don't know which folder I belong...

Ladies on Hold? Sister of Irregularity? AF Overdue? BFN?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHH!!!! I don't want any, anywaaaaaayy.... :(

*****Stamping feet*******

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Damn! Damn! Damn!

Dang! Dang! Dang! Dang! Dang!

*****Boo Hooing******

well, here's my situation...

I'm on CD fifty-something. I stopped counting as it was getting me stressed, anxious and depressed (in case you still didn't notice). My chart shows not cleary ovulation. I'm spotting few drops in the panty liner for 5 days now. No cleary Aunt Flo. Just Aunt Spotting. No BFP, of course ****pause to cry out loud again****. So far, 4 Big Fat Heart Distroying Negatives.

I did a blood test and the nurse blew up a vein, my arm is purple. I'm waiting for the results. And I also have an appoitment with the doctor next week. And I'm waiting. And I'm not good waiting. And I'm afraid that something is wrong with me. And I want a baby. Right now. And DH is working overseas and I'm alooooooooooooooooone...

And i feel like putting my head between my hands and cry until I get dehydrated... :(

AAAwwwwww.... so sad. Why, oh why is it so difficult? :(

****wiping my tears in my sleeve****

*whispering*

thank you all to read my tantrums. I'm feeling better now. I'm a stupid childish anxious annoying self-pity monster... :(

Sorry for venting. Anybody else need to throw a tantrum?

Good luck to you all, I hope you are doing well.

love,

Marcia

the tantrum monster

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 2:14pm
Marcia,

I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I know that waiting is hard, at least you got to do a blood test. When do you get the results back? When does Dh come home? I also know how hard it is to be alone. I hope things go better for you. Sometimes it helps to cry until you are dehydrated.

I wish you luck, maybe this is the cycle for you!

Ro

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 2:27pm
Aww Marcia,

You poor thing! I am happy to join your pity party! I think you absolutely deserve one!

I can't imagine how frustrating it is to be going through what you are!

I feel like throwing a tantrum and I don't have half the reasons you do! You are not a monster at all!

(((HUGS)))

On-my-way-to-being-down-and-out-(literally)-in-Denver,

Shelley

CD26, 10DPO, C4, TTC#1, AFNW 8/15

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/24665

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 2:49pm
You go right ahead with your tantrum, they are good for the soul.

I think the thing I have the hardest time with is how we are sooooo conditioned by the "JUST ONCE AND YOU WILL GET PREGNANT" scare tactics all of our lives, then comes the time when you WANT to get pregnant and.............. IT'S NOT THAT BLEEPING EASY!!!

LOL maybe you need some Retail Therapy to help you over this hump ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 2:56pm
I will join your pity party, Marcia! I think I deserve to let it out a little since I try so hard to keep my "positive" outlook- I think I do pretty well most times..... but with AF in the house YET AGAIN- GGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

*^*^*^*^G@&^$@&$(@&*$*&(#$*$&(@!&!(*&#$!&@*$&*#$&!)@(*$&@*^$*(&!@(!*$*&@(&$(^!*(#(^!!!!

I'm PISSED! Why the bloody H*LL can't I get pg????/ Why does she have to show her stupid ugly self cycle after cycle? Why on the 2 RARE BFPs I have seen couldn't they just bloody well *STICK*?????? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY??????????????? Why did I wait until AFTER 30yrs old to start trying? Why do my cycles have to be sooooooo looooooooong?

:~(

:~( *tears*

I just want to be a mommy! Why is that so much to ask? Why do others who don't even want children get pg so easily? Why are there so many abused and unloved children in the world when I am here ready to give every ounce of my soul and being to the life of my baby?


(sigh)



Okay- that way my CD1 vent- thank-you for allowing this- my chin will be going back up now- tears will be dry and onto the next 32-38 day cycle.



((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

Tara

 

 Tara~ co-cl of Pregnant after TTC

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 2:57pm
Ro and Shelley, thank you ladies, you're so sweet! It was really kind of you to support me even when I was being such monster! hehee.. :)

beach_mel, you're absolutely right!! For years I was afraid to get pregnant in my teens, then I was afraid to get pregnant in a wrong relationship, then I was afraid to get pregnant while building my career, then I was afraid to get pregnant in the wrong time...

I was so scared to miss only one little pill and fall pregnant!!

Now I'm ready and my subconcious thinks I'm not! And it's so damn hard to make it happens!!

LOL, thank you for sympathise with me!

Best of luck to you all ladies!

Marcia

the self-pity monster who is eating all choccies of the house




Edited 8/13/2003 3:28:13 PM ET by marcialeggett

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 3:08pm
Oh Tara, I do know how you feel...

We try to be positive and keep our head up all the time but sometimes we'de better just let the horrible feeling OUT!!

$%#&&*#$#@%#@#%&***@#$@#$@#%%@#%@!!!

$%#&&*#$#@%#@#%&*%*@#$@#$@#%%@#%@!!!

$%#&&*#$#@%#@#%&***@#$@#$@#%%@#%@!!! and more $%#&&*#$#@%#@#%&***@#$@#$@#%%@#%@!!!

It's not fair, not fair, not fair!

Bloody BFN, bloody Negative OPK, bloody old AF, bloody wait!!

****Childish Mode OFF****

Pheeww... that's better.

Best of luck to you, Tara. You deserve and you'll be a wonderful mommy!

love,

Marcia,

the self-pity monster looking for more sweets in the house

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 3:15pm
((((HUGS)))))Marcia! I hope you didn't mind me sharing in your tantrum! It will happen for us both- we'll just be the ones to appreciate it most after all this crap.

Tara

 

 Tara~ co-cl of Pregnant after TTC

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 3:25pm
(((((HUGS)))))) Tara

Of course I didn't mind! After all I'm inviting everybody to join me in my tantrums, hehehehe... :)

One day we'll be proud to tell our children how much we looked forward to have them. For some of us things don't come easily but the taste of the success will be much much sweeter!!

love,

Marcia

who loves you all!!

(ok now you all will think i'm drunk)