ToBeMoms Without Mothers...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
ToBeMoms Without Mothers...
10
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 12:15am
I am not sure if there is a board for us. I lost my mom when I was 21, I am now 28 and married (she never met him) and want to start a family. Is there support somewhere about this? My dh doesn't have a family...looking and hoping....
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 3:25am
Hi, I am 20 and lost my mother when I was 17 also wondering if there is any support...when TTC
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 7:54am
I too am TTC and lost my mother on my birthday last year. This year I will be 30. There are several support groups on YAHOO groups. Search the groups using "motherless." I don't belong to any, but thought this may be a place to start. I saw one that's for mothers without mothers, but not one for TTC. Maybe we could start one???
Avatar for annemd03
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 9:33am

I lost my mom when I was 24.

Anne - Proud Mommy to Rachel Elizabeth!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2002
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 9:46am

There is a support group for "moms without moms" on parents place.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 10:05am
Hi everyone,

Thanks for responding. I agree and feel so sad when wondering all sorts of things and feeling very emotional about such a happy time, as TTC. I always read that this is the time you "need" her most, and she is not here. She never even got to meet my DH, so I am torn up. If we could start a group, maybe that would help us and many other people in our situation? I am 28, lost my mom to cancer when I was 21. Married at 22, we haven never been happier in our lives together and are so excited to TTC. SO it is strange to deal with that sadness I felt so stong after her death seeming to reoccur at such a happy time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 1:10pm
Hello everyone... I would love to start a message board as well. I'm 32 and been married for 14 years. I was 26 when my mother (age 43) lost her battle to cancer 6 years ago on October 10th. I was my mom's only child. My parent's divorced Here is my story...

One afternoon in March, my mother's doctor called me at work to notify me that my mother had cancer and would only have approximately a year. I sat there in disbelief. Then, I got the other blow... The reason my mother had been holding onto life for as long as she had was to see her first grandbaby to be born. Up until then, my mom never mentioned to me she wanted grandchildren. My DH and I had been married for 7 years at that time. And since I was my mom's only child, we knew what we needed to do.



My DH and I decided it was time to have a child. I had trouble getting pregnant for a few months and went to fertility doctors then ended up have laproscopic for endometriosis with severe cysts on my right ovary. Within a month after my surgery, I got pregnant.

My 12th week of pregnancy, I began to lose the baby. By the time we got to the hospital, we had come to terms that I miscarried. But lo and behold, I only miscarried one baby and the other baby was okay.

The rest of my pregnancy went well until my mom became very sick in my last two weeks of pregnancy. (At one point it was touch and go.) I got scared that she would never see her grandchild be born.) We induced early so she would have the chance to see her grandchild be born. Her nurse got her ready and brought her up to my room. They were just about to take me to surgery for C-section when my mom came in... She laid her frail hand on my huge belly and said the words that will forever be held in my memory, "My baby is having a baby." She kissed me then they wheeled me away.

Because of her cancer, the baby and I were at risk if we were exposed to my mother's germs. So as soon as the baby was born, we both had to have a series of shots before we could be in my mother's presence.

My mother was the first person to hold my son. The proud look for being a grandmother for the first time will be forever engraved in my heart.

She passed away less than 3 months after her first grandbaby's birth. I have since micarried and had another child, age 2. We are in the process of ttc for our third child (we want a girl).

To this day, I still have a hard time with it. The pain is still overwhelming. I wish for her presence everyday. I just wish I had the chance to see her face light up as she holds her grandchild (ren). Everyone tells me she is in a better place (and yes I know she is - out of pain and suffering.) But the greedy side of me says she should still be here.

I even get angry at my friends who have mothers. Especially when my friends get irritated by their mothers, I just sometimes feel like saying as least you have a mother there to irritate you. Because I wish everyday, that my mother was here just so I could call her and hear her voice - whether irritating or not....

Like you, my child's birth was a happy occasion but it came with so much sadness and grief.

Let me know if we can start a board. I really like being on the IVillage boards.

Tamantha

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 1:18pm

I was

Ashley T.
 
Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 1:40pm
Thanks for sharing everyone. I am so happy to know there are others out there feeling the way I do. Tamantha, I totally get what you are saying about getting mad at friends who complain about their mother's. I do the same thing, I am just so jealous of them I guess. I think a support group would be really helpful to all of us. I have seen the mothers without mothers but a TTC or pregnancy board would be great for people in the stage we are all at. I know I took comfort just reading all of your stories girls! It still shocks me how powerful and present my grief is sometimes, and I worry about having my first child that I will feel so alone. I have heard somewhere that once your child is born, it heals a certain wound - almost like becoming a mother bandages that tear in our hearts from losing a mother..I hope that is true. This is such an exciting and happy time for DH and I, I don't like to talk to him about it too much so he does not worry about me. Thanks! Let's definitely reach out to each other!! Good luck!!!!!! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 1:45pm
I am so thankful that someone brought this up. If Ivillage created a board for motherless moms to be or ttc I would be there in a heartbeat. I lost my Mom to a rare genetic disorder when I was 16, she was 39. I will be 30 in November and I just got married on June 5th of this year. Dh and I started TTC#1 right away. Not a day goes by that I don't wish my Mom was here. I have so many questions about her experiences that will never be answered. It makes me sad not to have gotten to share so many of my big life moments with her and TTC and going through pregnancy will be more important life moments that I won't get to share with her. I know you ladies can totally relate to that weird mix of pure joy and heartbreaking sadness that comes with special events that our Moms are not there in person for. I always imagine that my Mom is here with me though, right behind me supporting me all the way. Hopefully we can get a support board started. If not, just knowing that there are other women out there dealing with this too is a great comfort to me.

Julie

TTC#1 C5 Cd13

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 1:51pm
Julie,

You echo how I feel, thats why I just had to start this thread to see if anyone else was feeling like me. I truly hope we can get a board for us, it would be so comforting. Plus, with my mom not around, I will certainly need all the advice I can get! Planning my wedding without her was a challenge, I am sure motherhood is a lot harder than that! LOL

:)