trying for the first time

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
trying for the first time
11
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 4:47pm
Well, this is it. We are trying after 11 years of marriage to conceive for the first time. Nothing like I planned, that's for sure. We waited because we wanted to finish school, both have good jobs, (me lose a little weight), get the house remodeled, and all sorts of unfinished goals. Now, 29, still a little overweight, not enough of money in the bank, still attending school, new job, husband in military and house still the way it looked when we bought it-and we have decided to try to get pregnant.

We had a surprise pregnancy when I was 19, and 4 months later I miscarried. I was devastated, and went through some major problems because of it. I consider that to be another reason why we waited so long. But all of a sudden, it seems right. My husband is really wanting this too, so I am certainly not going to say "no", but at the same time, now that we are really trying, I am scared to death! Is this unnatural? I guess I just feel that if I wait too much longer, I won't be able to-or that it will be even more difficult. I am freaking out because everything is NOT PERFECT! I mean, I just can't imagine everything falling into place like it should. In my mind, this is not the way things would have played out. But at the same time, I really want this for us as a family. I just feel like I have no control over it.

Anyway, sorry this is so lengthy, but I was just wondering if anyone out there has felt this way,has lived through it, and is able to reassure me that I am not crazy!

thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 6:07pm
Welcome & yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your story sounds almost like my story..only ex and I divorced after 4 years of marriage after I was not ready, wanting to finish my degree, no money, no house....just wasn't right, and dh#2 and I have been together..wow almost six years and I still didn't have my degree quite finished, no money, bought the new house but hated it, and it wasn't the right time and I was so scared but I was 29 and dh 43 and we didn't want to wait too much longer...so ds was born when I was 30..everything turned out perfectly...I finished my degree two weeks before ds was born, DH is a great father, and we both, now have great careers, last summer we moved into our perfect dream house, and I'm 32 now and we're ttc #2...which feels just as scary as #1 because I'm thinking- I can't handle one, how am I going to handle two-lol!!! DS is now 2 and we've decided it's now or never-lol!!! ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))) You're NOT alone!!!!!!!!!

I sure hope your stay here is short & sweet!! GL!!!!!!! LOLove, Connie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 6:15pm
Thank you, Connie-I feel so much better hearing this. I am such a deliberate person, and this would really be taking a "chance" for me-just to let it go and let it happen. I guess things all work out somehow, though, don't they.

Thanks for the good luck, and I hope that your stay here is short as well!

Thanks again!

Deanna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 11:11pm
Hey I know about it never being the "right time", there are problems at my workplace (strike), I am not finished my degree, no house, shabby furniture, DH is not finished school, no money but we feel it is right! It is something we want badly, I felt that I do not want to always have my life on hold, so we are going for it! Good luck. Maybe we are crazy, but it is such a lovely king of craziness!
Running Woman
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 11:58pm
Hi! I too have been married for 11 years and TTC for the first time. DH and I finished school and are in the process of finishing a house. I'm 30 and like you not quite enough money in the bank but if you wait for that we may all be on SS. I've always been told there's never a perfect time you just have go for it and in the end all will work out. I wish you well and just wanted you to know you're not alone. I think we all freak out now and again:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 12:34pm
DH and I are building a new house, have some money saved and are both really happy at our jobs....and I am still scared to death!! I don't know if you are ever really ready when you start TTC...but you will be by the time that baby comes! Good luck to you!

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 12:52pm
thank you so much-that's exactly how we feel-life has been on hold for too long-

Like Nike says....just do it!

Best of luck to you, too!

D

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 12:57pm
Thanks-

I guess I just see all of my sister-in-laws, and friends who have children, and they all tell me the same thing...that you can't plan for pregnancy. I have been telling them for 10 years that they are WRONG! I wanted to prove them wrong, that you can be emotionally and financially prepared, and not have to worry about providing a good life for your kids. And now I'm doing the exact opposite of what I hoped....flying by the seat of my pants!

I guess if the child is loved and wanted, that is really all that matters. As for the rest of the stuff....you can't take it with you when you go.

Thanks for making me feel not-so-crazy.

Best of luck to you!

D

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 3:30pm
I know how you feel. But if you wait until everything is perfect you will never have a baby. No time is ever perfect. There are always a million reasons not to have a baby and there is always the same good reason...its a BABY!!! My dh and I were the same way, waiting, but then we said we should try, b/c it may take one time it may take years, you just never know. I get scared now and then, but no matter what happens it will work out. Things always happen for a reason. So take a deep breath and jump in! Best of luck.

Marcella

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 12:45pm
Marcella,

Thank you-I guess that's what I'm doing now ;) scary, but exciting.

The hard part is keeping it from everyone until we know for sure. It helps to be able to talk to others about it. I don't feel as anxious as I did.

Well, I am on day 6 of my second month-hopefully by the end of April I will have a wonderful surprise!

Good luck to you,too, and keep me posted!

Deanna

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 9:04pm
Hi, Vitex does not necessarily help you get pregnant but it is taken by alot of women to regulate cycles and stimulate the production of progesterone. I have been taking it for about 3 months to help get my cycle back after depo. I did have AF in Jan, still waiting for now I'm seeing my ob/gyn on Apr. 22 for a jump start. My last shot was 10/28/02. Some women swear by it but like most herbs, DR's will probably turn their nose up at it. If you have been TTC for a year your DR should step in. I would ask that a full fertility workup be done. Are you charting and ovulating? I would request blood tests to make sure your levels are normal.

So taking Vitex probably wouldn't hurt try it for a few cycles and see what you think.

I'm also 30, ttc #1 and the age issue does get to me. I know I have time but when you see 20 year olds posting on here TTC it makes you feel old. At 20 I was an immature little brat and did everything possible to avoid pregnancy. Now here I am 30, still a brat but have matured a bit lol.

Good luck

Kim

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