TTC & A Friend Problem
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| Thu, 08-07-2003 - 3:37pm |
Now I am to be her Maid of Honor for her wedding on the 30th of this month. Last Sat. was her bachelorette party and I told her I would not be attending. Reason being, I quit smoking & drinking and didn't want to be out until 4am as she was. Plus I am pretty darn moral and she said if "I do anything with another guy while I'm there it stays there, period". She hung up on me. Needless to say I didn't go to the party.
Second, her bridal shower is being thrown by me and a few others is this Saturday. (She didn't throw me one for the record) and she doesn't want me to participate in that and maybe not even the wedding now. She said this before hanging up.
She does not understand that I am TTC and what that means as far as lifestyle changes. She's 32 and I'm 24, you'd think the experience difference between us would help us see eye to eye. Obviously I'm a bit further ahead in my thinking on this subject & other morality issues than she.
Any ideas? I don't like this stress while TTC.

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Good luck, I hope your situation improves.
Kim
Her bachelorette party was at a sleazy club that I always refused to go to with her in the past. So she knew full well I would not want to attend period. I don't feel the need to attend such a party at that place. Plus it is 5 miles from my house and the party started at 10pm. I don't drive on the freeway and had zero way to get there.
I was a bride last month and was not selfish or demanding at all. Quite the contrary even though I planned at 50 person wedding 3 states away.
Get this: I even offered to pay for her plane fare and she still didn't go.
I'm pissed.
Quiting smoking is a pretty hard thing to do, congrats!!!(alot of my friends & parents tell me this). I think it is totally understandable for you not to want to go to a crazy bachelorette party where the bride to be may be messing around with someone (???) and assuming other friends attending will be smoking and drinking. I'm no heavy drinker but all the bachlorette parties I've been to usually involve pretty heavy drinking. I think if I went to one now while TTC and not drinking I would be miserable.
I also think it is pretty rude of her ask you not to participate in a shower that you are co-hosting. Ok, so you missed one party but you are hosting this other one... I think that would make up for it.
I hope you and your friend can work things out before the shower and before the wedding.
{{{{Hugs}}}}}
Chrissy
I'll share a story about my wedding. I had 2 attendants, My little sister and a friend who's DH's cousin. Their husbands were also in the wedding. I wanted couples, not just people. I have 3 sisters. I asked the other 2 to sing (we've sung for our grandparents' anniversaries and funeral wakes). One sister declined singing.
My sisters and DH's cousin threw an afternoon bridal shower. It was fine, typical for our area and upbringing.
DH's cousin then had an evening party at her house. I asked for scrapbooking that night, I got something different. A couple of us tried to scrapbook, but DH's cousin and his in-laws insisted that we have drinking games and do more bachlorette party stuff. I tried to make it clear that I didn't want it, but it didn't matter; they were going to party.
I let it go. While I still want to be friends with both my sister who didn't sing and DH's cousin, I realize that they weren't able to meet my expectations. I, in turn, have readjusted my expectations of them.
I guess what I'm saying is that some people, for lots of different reasons, will let you down. You need to decide what you want to do about it.
These are just my thoughts.
Mary
Best of luck!
Chrissy
Hang in there sweetie- I know it's hard....I have been there too.
((((((HUGS))))))))
Tara
Tara~ co-cl of Pregnant after TTC
I don't know her, of course. If she's a dear friend or a relative or something, maybe she's worth the hurt, but, geez, from what you're saying I'm not sure I would even waste time thinking about it.
I hope it gets cleared up soon. Like you said, you don't need the stress.
Mary
Edited 8/7/2003 4:22:38 PM ET by scrappy_lady
If you want to patch up your friendship I would just give her a few days to calm down. Maybe you could call her and just try to explain to her what is going on in your life right now. Are they doing anything else besides going to the "slezzy club" that you don't want to go to. Maybe you could meet up with them for other portions of the night.
My friend is getting married on saturday and her bachlorete party was a few weeks ago. I just sat her down and told her that my DH and I were trying and would she mind if I didn't go to the bars. They were having a BBQ before all of the girsl went out so I just went to that part of the night. It was inconviewnt because it was a t.5 hour drive from my house and I was only there for an hour before they all left to go out but I think it showed my friend that I cared and wanted to celebrate with her in ways other then drinking.
On the other hand, this girl doesn't sound like much of a friend so you may have some hard thinking to do on if this friendship is important enough for you to try to save.
Good luck
Jenna
Melony
TTC #1 C3 cd9
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