TTC a second - a male perspective

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2012
TTC a second - a male perspective
8
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 10:24pm

Hi,

I'm a father to a beautiful soon to be 3 year old little girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 10:36am

First of all, I'm so very sorry at how frustrating this is for you.

Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2011
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 9:16am
Sorry to hear that you are having this problem. We too had a chemical pregnancy(last month) and it takes its toll emotionally.
-I am probably a lot like your wife. Admittedly, I make it hard on my husband sometimes and I hate to admit that I know I do, I just can't seem to help it. From a psychological standpoint, this probably says more about the trust that she has in you. We tend to take out our frustrations and act our worst at those we know will stand by us anyway. One thing that my husband does to relieve the stress and remind me of how much he loves me is to leave gestures like a note that says " I love you. Hope you have a good day." beside the coffee pot or something like that-not a monetary gift, just a small token of love and appreciation. He tells me that I'm beautiful and continues to tell me almost everyday. Even though I shrug it off to him, I can't describe what it's done for our relationship. Also, telling her that you want to be there in whatever capacity she needs may help. You'll be putting the ball in her court as far as whether to talk about the situation or not. At this point, it sounds like she already feels like the situation is her fault and true or not, this will put a strain on her emotionally. You might find that her trip to the dr. office will help. I hope this helps-you've found a great board of supportive women who will gladly help in any way they can. Having you here is a great reminder for all of us that our husbands are in this too.
Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 2:14pm
Although I don't know of any forums for guys, you are more than welcome here. We do have more guys show up on our relationship forums, not so much on these ones.

I'm so sorry that your wife is acting this way, she's really not being fair to you at all. It sounds like she's taking all of her anger and frustrations out on you, and she needs to stop treating you like this. Have you told her how she's making you feel, that you are totally committed to having a second child and it hurts you when she acts like you don't care?

There are times when I just want to vent to my husband and not have him try to solve my problems. I think this is tough for men because they are problem solvers, which is why a lot of women turn to their girlfriends. They'll just listen and let you get it all out, and although it doesn't seem like it, it's very supportive.

Please keep us posted on how you are both doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 1:57pm
I had a c-section as well and every month wonder if it caused any issues.

Sounds like you are doing all the right things. Good luck Thurs and keep us posted!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2012
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 11:58am

My wife had a chemical pregnancy in November that did a real number on her emotionally, understandably so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 11:29pm
That's tough.. It depends on the person and the situation I guess. For me my hardest time is after I ovulate and I have a long two weeks of waiting. The doubt and low self esteem kick in. It's a time for me to vent so a supportive ear is good.

If AF shows then I need support and reassurance. Then when it's time for sex, we seem to be on the same page. Does that help any?

How long have you been trying? What are you using, doing, etc? Lube? When and how often do you have sex? Taking any meds or supplements? How long did it take to have your daughter?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2012
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 11:04pm
Thank you. My wife is coming up on 35 (this June, shortly after our toddler's third birthday).

I guess my question to you-- when do you want your husband to be supportive and when do you want him to just shut up and listen so you can vent? I know there are times for each.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 10:58pm
Hi there. I'm so sorry for what you and your wife are going through. I know my husband and I don't see eye to eye on many things ttc, and how can we really? As a women ttc I am constantly analyzing how I feel, what i eat, when to have sex.... Is my body even working right? A guy has a gazillion sperm. I have one egg and if it even meets a sperm will it take? Will it implant? It's enough to drive me mad.

I'm also trying for #2 and it's taking longer than the first. So incredibly frustrating. I'm also 35 which can lessons odds.

I don't know if any sites, but I'll do some searching for you. For now, you are more than welcome here. There is an amazing group of women here. Vent away :)

I'm hope things get better and I will do a search for you. Good luck!!