When to tell the relatives?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2011
When to tell the relatives?
9
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 12:45pm

When to tell the relatives we're TTC? Or, do we ever tell? We're worried that it will never be a good time in their eyes, or if they get excited too, they won't understand that this might take time. The families still think we're on birth control. They ask all the time when we'll get pregnant, and I usually make a joke about "when the pill stops working" or "when we get a miracle baby."

My husband says we wait until we're pregnant and through the first trimester, then announce the pregnancy and admit we'd been trying.

I'm not sure we'll get the happiest reaction out of that. My family doesn't take surprises well.

Momma to:
Madelyn, February 26, 2001
Aaron, January 2, 2005
Baby #3, October 2, 2012

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2010
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 1:12pm

I haven't told anybody me and DH are TTC (except my mom, but that's because we are REALLY close! lol). I think my dad and my grandparents would tell me that we are "too young" (I am 23 and DH is 26 and only been married for 15 months) and that's why I told my mom to keep it hush-hush from everybody. DH's parents would be ecstatic, but they are about 10 years older than my parents, so they are more than ready for grandchildren, but we have still chose not to tell them about TTC.

I too was thinking about the shirt idea when the time comes and saw a bunch of cute ones!

Another idea I thought of is if I happen to get pregnant this month, for Halloween get a pumpkin and carve "Mamaw and Papaw" or "Baby (Insert Last Name) 2012" and tell them you carved a pumpkin for them and wait til it gets dark and go outside and put a candle in it and have them come outside and see it lit up!! I love this idea, so I'm praying we can get a BFP come October! lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2011
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 1:42pm

Oh, I like the pumpkin idea! I've been obsessing about how to tell my husband when it happens, but hadn't really thought much about how to tell the relatives. More like WHAT to tell them and WHEN only.

Momma to:
Madelyn, February 26, 2001
Aaron, January 2, 2005
Baby #3, October 2, 2012

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2011
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 2:24pm
I'm not telling anyone... until I'm pg and past my first trimester. But then, I'm single and my father likes to think that his 43 year old daughter is still a virgin. Poor man...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 3:09pm
I think I'm a bit confused.... they keep bugging you about a baby, but would be upset about you stopping BC?

Anyway, you all and a few people from my DD's IV playgroups are the only ones who know we're TTC. No one IRL. And we plan to keep it that way until we're officially pg and at least a bit into the pg. I don't think we'd make it all the way through Tri 1, but I think w/ DD we told my family at like 9 weeks.
I don't want people all up in my business asking if/when we DTD and constant "are you pg yet? are you pg yet?" and all that.

HOpefully it happens soon and you wont really have time to hide the TTC fact from them :-)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2011
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 4:44pm

Sorry for the confusion. My family doesn't want us to have more kids, my husbands family does. And since we only got married this year, it seems like the main conversation.

Momma to:
Madelyn, February 26, 2001
Aaron, January 2, 2005
Baby #3, October 2, 2012

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2011
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 5:18pm
TTC to me, is a private matter. Especially since I have been trying for a long time, I wouldn't want to get anyone's hopes up or stir up any drama. My DB's sister is pregnant and she thinks she's the pregnant princess and that I'm trying to steal her spotlight.

Although I am beginning to think our parents know we're TTC! Lol. My mom brought me pregnancy tests from her job saying "just in case you ever need them". DB's grandparents have asked me if being around his sister makes me want to have a baby. His mom has also mentioned we'd be great parents.

But we both agree to keep it to ourselves and announce we are pregnant (at least to our parents) about 10 weeks in. Although, I'd probably tell my mom right away because we're super close.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2011
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 10:37pm

My husband and I never told our families that we were TTC, and we aren't this time either. Of course they have issues with our ages(24 and 25) and believed we were way too young to have our first child and I'm sure they will think the same thing this time. But I've always thought that waiting until you're pregnant would be more exciting, because it's unexpected and more of a surprise that way. There's nothing better then a truley great surprise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2006
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 10:17am
I think it really just depends on how comfortable you are with other people knowing and if you're okay with how they might act differently around you knowing that you're TTC (maybe they're super supportive, maybe they are the type to ask obnoxious questions, or maybe they try to give you advice you don't want, etc). I know for us, w/ our first 3 pregs we didn't tell anyone we were trying, but we were lucky and got preg very quickly and told around the 9 week mark after seeing a HB. However, we've been TTC for a long time this go around w/some miscarriages in there, so some people know now (I needed to talk about it, and needed support that way). I definately did not want to tell DH's parents until after we were sure we had a sticky bean, but it came out several months ago. I wish it hadn't b/c his mom doesn't know how to keep a secret...and we're the only family members that live across the country while the rest of them all live in the same city. On the one hand, I'm glad we live far away so I don't have to hear MIL constantly ask us obnoxious questions (b/c that's just how she is), but I also hate wondering on ocassion how many people she has told that we are TTC...I am just really private and would rather not be anyone's topic of discussion. Especially about something so personal. SO....I think it's just really what you're comfortable with. If we lived closer to MIL, I would be much more upset that she knew b/c I know I'd be constantly dealing with her advice, etc. I am, however, glad that my mom knows at this point since she is not the type to ask questions very often, just enough that I know she cares, but doesn't pry. Good luck! There is something magical and fun about announcing you're pregnant when they didn't know you were TTC too. That Halloween idea is so cute!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2011
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 12:22pm

Thanks for the replies. I think we're going to keep it a secret for now. It's just hard because my mind is in baby mode right now. Somebody will ask me a question about my day, and I have to lie to respond. I can't very well admit "I spent 2 hours researching how to chart fertility" without explaining myself. Or worse, "I couldn't sleep because my hubby and I were discussing baby names till midnight." I want the TTC process to go very quickly, but if it doesn't I wonder if I'll be this baby obsessed the entire time.

Oh, and I had to pick up something for somebody else at a baby store the other day. I ended up going to 3 stores and spending several hours staring at all the baby stuff! I have kids, but they had handmedown furniture from my cousin. I never went crib shopping or anything. I had no idea how cute everything is! I was almost late to pick up my kids from school. I couldn't admit "I was looking at bassinets and nursery decorations" they would have thought I'd lost my mind.

Momma to:
Madelyn, February 26, 2001
Aaron, January 2, 2005
Baby #3, October 2, 2012