When is "trying" not really enough ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2013
When is "trying" not really enough ?
3
Mon, 02-11-2013 - 11:58am

To introduce myself my name is Cindy, im 32 and my DH Chris is 33. I have 4 children ages 16-5. The oldest 3 live with their fathers (which is another story) so it is myself, and my 5 year old and my wonderul DH. My DH and i just got married (although we have been engaged for a year and together longer than that) and for the past year we have been TTC. Also let me apologize in advance for not riddling my post with cuts little abbreviations. We're adults, we know this is about sex, and checking cervical musuc and other such pleasentries, but once you reach out to others on the internet looking for the same thing, theres no such thing as TMI anymore :)

Now we knew we'd run out of insurance when DH took a new job offer this summer, so we ... so of tried ? I had been given Clomid while i still had insurance, we were both tested for infertility and so on, and i was also given Metformin. I conceived most of my children at 5'7" and 210 lbs. While 210 is overweight i obviously had no issues with conception, with stress over the past 2 years i had gained 40 lbs, and i can't seem to be able to lose it, so the Dr's are wondering if im becoming insulin resistent, hence the Metformin. We only did Clomid for 2 months because then we were going to be moving, spending some time apart etc. So we just got brand new insurance, and now it's offically been over a year. One of the reasons we continues to "try" was that we knew it would probably take at least a year, and if i turned up pregnant, great ! And if not we already had that year behind us to begin to look at additional solutions.

Over the past few days ive been looking around on the internet. I have the Fertility Friend app, which i haven't paid for the membership, but ive used it to track my basic ovulation and menstration. I have an appx 30 day cycle so it works fine. I have avoided anything further, so as not to make myself neurotic, as in "OMG i Ovulate on Friday, we need to have sex NOW NOW NOW" kind of thing. I felt we were actively trying while still letting things happen without too much stress or pressure. By this token i really have no right to be upset every month for the past 13 months when AF shows up. However im always hurt and upset and dissapointed and i feel like im failing my DH,  i mean ive had 4 kids, but i was young and it was sooooo easy. Now im in my 30's and it's not as easy.

I decided this morning that enough is enough. People like to say to couples TTC that "It'll happen when you stop trying" and for the most part, this is a lie. If you do not TRY then you will not have sex on the approperiate days required for conception, you will have sex all the wrong days and wonder exactly why it's not happening. If you do not try, it will happen eventually, but your chances are far greater when trying.... so today i have had a shift in perespective. I am due to Ovulate on Valentines day, which means this is the week of every day sex (yes we need to have sex every day because there are some motility issues).

When my next cycle begins we're back on Clomid. I have skipped the Metformin this week because i have been terrible sick, and the metformin gives me diarrhea which i did not need on top of a 103 degree fever and a ruptured ear drum and double ear infection. I will be temping, and charting, and using Mucinex (take 2 an hour before sex, mucinex helps loosen ALL secretions, which includes cervical musuc which helps promote the kind of CM you're looking for around ovulation, the egg white variety), pre-seed, soft cups (to hold the sperm in) and OPKs. We will be going full force this time ! We are losing valuable time here, and if we do NOT try everything we can i dont feel we're being fair to ourselves !

This is when i decided that just trying, or sort of trying, isn't enough anymore ! And while i may become that crazy maniac who's obcessed with charts and temping and OPKs at least i'll know im doing everything i can to enable us on our journey to parenthood. I have a friend who's been TTC for 3 years, the problem with this ? She's never even been to the Dr, never had an LH drawn, never had a sperm analysis done, she says she "knows" she's ovulation, but 3 years with nothing to show says to me there's another issue. She says "eh it'll happen" and sure, or maybe not. this kind of attitude says shes trying but not really, and thats ok too ! But it's not what i want anymore !

.Am i the only one who's ever come to this conclusion ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-1999
Thu, 02-21-2013 - 12:11am

Hello!

There comes a point where you make a decision to go for broke. Give it your all and hope for the payoff.I think you are on the right track and I wish you the best of luck :)

Shirley Ann





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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Mon, 02-11-2013 - 3:28pm
I totally agree with your perspective, at some point you have to become more aggressive if you want it to happen. It doesn't mean you have to become obsessed, but just means that you have to use more tools that are at your disposal. I think your friend is in denial, if there is an issue with her husband's sperm, etc. it won't happen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Mon, 02-11-2013 - 3:28pm
I totally agree with your perspective, at some point you have to become more aggressive if you want it to happen. It doesn't mean you have to become obsessed, but just means that you have to use more tools that are at your disposal. I think your friend is in denial, if there is an issue with her husband's sperm, etc. it won't happen.