Don't know how to get it together

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2010
Don't know how to get it together
8
Thu, 11-11-2010 - 4:36pm

I think I was in denial about my recent m/c. Really for a couple days I expressed no emotion and just talked about it like any other boring topic. Now all of a sudden I have all the sadness, anger and frustration as my first time. I was so happy not to have to temp anymore and DTD so many days in a row and fight with DH about the pressure of it all, not to mention all the OPK's and HPT's. Now I am back to square one again.We are NTNP this cycle but that's hard too. And I'm scared to start TTC again, but I want a baby so badly. I am 34 and have no children and have been TTC forever. I just want a baby!!!! Next week my brother and niece are coming and the week after I get to meet my new nephew. He was born the week I m/c and my SIL was not very understanding about why I could not come to the hospital (even though she does live 2 states away). I'm sorry I'm rambling. I'm just so sick of it all and I'm sick of seeing all these people (where I work) have all these children that they never take care of. My one coworker's daughter is pregnant ,again at age 18, she had to give up custody of her first cause she could not handle it, and here we all are, trying so desperately. I wanna scream. Thanks for listening. Hope I didn't offend anyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008
Thu, 11-11-2010 - 5:06pm

Oh, I am so sorry Jen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2010
Thu, 11-11-2010 - 5:08pm

thanks so much. I appreciate your support and kind words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2007
Thu, 11-11-2010 - 6:23pm

Sorry Jen.

Everyone deals with the loss differently. My friend was really not upset at all about her 2 losses, I couldn't understand it but Im a super emotional person so they hit me hard.

Each day is different. I still have not seen a friend's new baby & she's probably 6m old now. I just couldn't do it. She was not interested in another child & then all of a sudden we get a pregnancy announcement. I told myself it was time to suck it up & see her. I know it will be tough.

Im really trying to work on my bitterness toward others with babies or pregnant bellies. I know its not healthy. I also dont want to feel like having a kid is my only mission though it feels like that somedays.

I really think that these ppl get knocked up so easily as they arent thinking about it & could careless. They are just doing what makes them happy thus in a good state & as much as these are the ppl that shouldnt get pregnant

*mindy*
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
Thu, 11-11-2010 - 7:44pm

Oh Jen... I hear ya!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Thu, 11-11-2010 - 8:12pm

Oh Jen :( I am okay 99% of the time but sometimes it still hits me out of no where.

It really does feel like I find out someone else is pregnant once a week - no lie.

I was looking at my DD's cheer coach the other day and I was thinking, hmmmm she kinda looks pregnant - oh I'm sure I'm imagining it.

Well, guess what - I wasn't imagining it. Someone told me today that she is 14 weeks along.

She is a SAHM and he husband lost her job a couple months ago. They already have two children.

I sure wish I knew how God picked and choosed...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2010
Thu, 11-11-2010 - 10:42pm
Thanks ladies!!!! I wanna be so positive sometimes and others all I feel is sad and overwhelmed. I went to the mall tonight and saw a million pregnant bellies and babies and it hurt. I'm happy for others, really I am, but I want it too!!! I wish there was a magic wand or spell for all of us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2010
Thu, 11-11-2010 - 10:47pm
Thanks Chelle!!, yeah I wish I knew how God picked and choosed too. I just learned of two more pregnancies this week, but the ones on here make me happy and ones IRL make me jealous. I guess cause I know of all the struggles all the ladies here have been through and I'm happy when they finally get a sticky BFP. Ohhhhh, well tonight is my pity party, hopefully I will be over it soon. I feel like I'm pmsing with my mood swings and ability go cry at the drop of a hat, crazy hormones.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-1999
Thu, 11-11-2010 - 11:31pm

Jen,

I am so sorry it's hitting you like this right now chica. With my second m/c it was the same for me. Still no kids... I just went about my business, went to work (never took a day off, actually). I bled/spotted/bled for almost 6 weeks. Then, of all things, our hot water heater went and it destroyed the floor in the "baby's room" and I lost it. It was almost 6 weeks later.

 


 


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