I am so dumb...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
I am so dumb...
22
Tue, 10-26-2010 - 12:50pm

I just set myself to get my heartbroken and I want to ball up and cry just thinking about it.

So most of you who know me know I have a buttload of loans to pay back for all my IUI's that never worked (well they did but - nevermind) Anyway, I have always said we could never get another loan for IVF while I still owe these. Our debt to income is just too high. Plus DH filed bankruptcy before we got married about 8 years ago. Between the two we were flat out declined when we applied after we ran out of money from the first set of loans. They told me that the bankruptcy alone made us ineligable and I need DH's income to be approved so it's a catch 22. He's screwing it all up but I can't do it without him. I tried to make my peace with that and move on.

I dunno what happened to me today but something told me to apply again. This is the same place I applied before. I applied online the first time and was immediately taken to a decline screen. Today I hit submit and I got a msg telling me to call them so I did. The lady told me they may have a couple possible lenders and they would get back to me within 48 hours.

:smileysurprised:

I know in my heart they are going to call me and tell me we have been declined and I am SOOO angry at myself for doing this. Now I have gone and gotten my hopes up and I just KNOW they are going to shatter my world. Our credit just isn't the kind that can get an approval like this and I know that. I just can't but wonder WHY then they would be considering this? I asked the lady, do you guys ever immediately decline people? And she said yes all the time. So it has got to mean something that they didn't immediately decline us right???

This is not going to end well for me and when it does, it's going to be bad - real bad.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2007
Tue, 10-26-2010 - 1:26pm

aw Chelle.

Kelly, mom to 4 year old Lexi, wife to Rob TTC Number 2 since April 2010, with a loss in June 2010 at 4.5 weeks, and a loss in April 2011 at 8 weeks (possibly ectopic). Saw the RE in May 2011, we were moving forward with testing and an IUI when we
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Tue, 10-26-2010 - 1:26pm

They decline it :( Let's pretend I never posted this k? I'm barely holding it together here and all your kind words would set me over.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Tue, 10-26-2010 - 1:34pm
Chelle I worked for a loan company for several years and I was wondering, did you ever try different companies? Here is why I ask, the company I worked for would give loans if the bankruptcy was more than 7 years ago (which you said your DHs was)... Also they gave smaller loans (15k and under) for pretty much any credit score that was screaming "I never pay anything on time!" Which would have to be below 615. Also, does your RE not have a payment plan you can set up through them? Thats what we had to do and we have a "medical" limit of like 40k and once we max out, we cant get any more, but if you pay it every month on time, then you pay it off quicker than normal debt. (such as a personal loan)... There HAS to be some other way for you guys to get your IVF done and not spend a billion dollars on it in interest from those loans KWIM?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2007
Tue, 10-26-2010 - 1:40pm
I'm sorry girl. hugs.
Kelly, mom to 4 year old Lexi, wife to Rob TTC Number 2 since April 2010, with a loss in June 2010 at 4.5 weeks, and a loss in April 2011 at 8 weeks (possibly ectopic). Saw the RE in May 2011, we were moving forward with testing and an IUI when we
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Tue, 10-26-2010 - 1:40pm

Thanks guys - our scores are actually both over 700 and the bankruptcy is over 8 years old. The lady that called me said that it was actually our debt to income that was the problem. Not the bankruptcy, ironically. It's okay - honestly; I don't know how I would have made the payment without being scared to death about money every moment of our lives and that's not the way to live so the fact that they declines it is probably a good thing. I can barely afford to pay the last loan back.

I want a lobotomy seriously. I want to forget about babies and peeing on things and having hope ripped away from me all the time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2007
Tue, 10-26-2010 - 1:49pm
well, I agree - the stress of trying to make the payments every month would not be good for your health and not be good for your marriage or family. It's not a way to live - worrying about money all of the time.

****child mentioned*****
you know, while I cannot get rid of the yearning to have a second child, I totally agree with you about being thankful and happy for my DD. When I remember to do that, this TTC journey gets just a little teeny tiny bit easier. At 6:30 this morning, right before I was about to get up, DD climbed into bed, and said, "Mommy, can I come be with you?" I said, "yes, of course, come snuggle." and I laid there for another 15 minutes, just snuggling her and kissing her head and telling her that I love her. It was heaven. Probably the best 15 minutes of my week, and definitely the best 15 minutes of my day. I am blessed to have this wonderful, beautiful child, and while I don't where the magic switch is to turn off the hoping and wanting another baby, I do know that the child I do have is a gift that I need to cherish and love every single day.

(((hugs))). No lobotomies, ok? that might mess up your cycle, and you had some good BD'ing going these last 2 days. don't mess up the cycle!!!
Kelly, mom to 4 year old Lexi, wife to Rob TTC Number 2 since April 2010, with a loss in June 2010 at 4.5 weeks, and a loss in April 2011 at 8 weeks (possibly ectopic). Saw the RE in May 2011, we were moving forward with testing and an IUI when we
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2010
Tue, 10-26-2010 - 1:54pm

I know you just want to forget the whole thing, but I had to tell you that you are no where near dumb.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Tue, 10-26-2010 - 1:57pm
:) You're right - lobotomies are probably high on the list of thing not to do while TTC.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
Tue, 10-26-2010 - 2:21pm
Michelle, I just want to say that Im really sorry it was declined.
I could go on, but for now I will leave it at that.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2010
Tue, 10-26-2010 - 4:03pm

Michelle,

I mostly just lurk here because I have a crummy computer, but I just wanted to say I'm really sorry you got turned down


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