Pregnant sister asked me to go to ultrasound with her (I couldn't do it)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Pregnant sister asked me to go to ultrasound with her (I couldn't do it)
8
Tue, 10-26-2010 - 10:56pm

Hi all,

My sister (who is 8 weeks pregnant with her first) asked me to go to her first ultrasound with her next week.

Nooo.... I feel terrible, but I had to say no. I was between 6 and 9 weeks when we lost our last pregnancy 4 weeks ago. I can't imagine what would feel worse - seeing her appt if there was something wrong with, or seeing a perfectly healthy fetus. I just can't do it.

She was super understanding (my other sister, who is an ultrasound tech, is going to do it for her and my parents are going too) but I feel bad that I can't be happier for her and a little conflicted about her asking me. On one hand, I probably wouldn't have wanted to feel left out if everyone went and no one told me, and on the other, I've cried twice since she asked me. My husband thinks I should go and keeps saying, "Just be happy for her" and I am, I'm just not able to celebrate this particular milestone of her pregnancy.

I was just starting to think was over this, but apparently it will still hurt for a while. Blech...

S

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005

What you r feeling is totally understandable! I think I would have the same feelings as you. Your sister needs to understand your feelings and like u said maybe you got asked dince the whole family is going.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007

I agree that it is totally understandable. And it sounds like you handled explaining it and your family responded all in positive ways. Do NOT worry about this. A few years from now you won't regret not going. Likely you'll be an awesome auntie and that's all that matters to the LO, not if you were miserably standing there when it was an adorable smear on a screen. Ease up on yourself and let yourself handle this the way it feels right. Your participation in her pregnancy at this stage is definitely not mandatory.

I'm going through something that causes similar feelings. My assistant principal's

Chouli, 34; DH 45 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009

Uhhhh yeah, I don't think I could do that either. I feel my blood pressure getting all outta control when I even HEAR about someone I don't even really know going in for their u/s. I could never go with them and good for you for not feeling backed into a corner about it like you HAVE to go.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010

Good for you for recognizing that this is just something that you are not yet ready for. I wouldn't be either, and I don't know many that honestly would.

I do need to say that it is great that you were asked to go, especially since everyone else is going... I had a situation a couple months ago, to make a long story short - I lost my last pregnancy during the 35th week in March, he was my 4th angel, my step-sister was to be the last to have her first baby, and had her baby shower a little bit ago and I was not invited. My baby shower was only a couple months before hers and she was invited to mine. I only found out about the shower AFTER it happened, and I was extremely hurt that I was not invited - at least then, it would have been MY decision whether or not to go. I'm sure they were trying not to hurt me, but still. So, I think it's great that they at least thought enough to ask you.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010

Oh wow, I dont think I could do it either. I am glad your sister *maybe* understands and isnt mad at you for not wanting to share in her joy, but a time that like is when your worst nightmare plays over and over again... :(

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008

So sorry for your loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2009

I wouldn't feel bad at all. It sounds like your sister is going to have a lot of people there to support her. If it will hurt you then it's def the right choice not to go. It's been almost a year since my m/c and I still don't think I could handle it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2010

We all understand. I'm not sure I'd be able to go, either. It's a catch-22...if she hadn't asked you, it would have hurt. It hurts that she did ask you. Unfortunately, pregnancy loss makes for some tricky social situations. I'm glad that you recognize that you're not ready to go to something like that yet. It's been 8 months since my first pregnancy loss and it still hurts. Healing can be a slow process. Take your time.

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