He's gone

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010
He's gone
12
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 12:46am

My FIL passed away at 11:00pm. It's totally surreal even though we all knew it was coming. There's a lot to do with preparing for out-of-town guests and finalizing funeral arrangements, so I won't be posting so much this week.

Best of luck to all of you this cycle. I'm hoping to see some more BFPs when I come back to the boards.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2009
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 12:55am
Oh Julia! I'm so sorry for you and your husband! No matter whether is was expected or not, it's still very hard. Take good care of yourselves and each other. Sending you lots of P&PT's.





getting married in days

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 5:24am
omg Julia I am so incredibly sorry. I hope things go smoothly this weekend as God knows you don't need any more weight on your shoulders. ((hugs))

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 8:25am
Oh, no! I am so sorry for this incredible loss. Please know that we are here for you offering support at all times. I pray God's peace for your family right now.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 9:26am
No matter how expected it is, it still isn't anticipated how the feelings will be. Hugs, Julia, and I pray for peace and comfort for you and for DH and his family, and that everything goes as smoothly as possible, to keep any additional stresses at bay....
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I'm pg with #4, with 5 1/2 losses along the way.


09/2003 -- chem pg.
10/2003 -- bfp with DS Noah (07/20/2004).
03/2005 -- chem pg.
04/2005 -- bfp with DD Catie (12/29/2005).
06/2008 -- chem pg.
07/2008 -- bfp with DS Drew (03/13/2009) and vanishing twin.
03/2010 -- bfp ending with m/c at 6 weeks.
05/2010 -- chem pg.
07/2010 -- bfp! Stick, Baby, Stick!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 10:08am
I'm so sorry!

Pam -Wife to Jason, Mommy to Tyler (2-15-08)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 10:13am

Julia - sending you and DH my deepest sympathy and wishing for peace over the next several days, weeks and months ahead. Keep those happy memories you have with him close - they will help you get through this.


Hugs -


Ann

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2004
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 10:16am

Julia,


I'm so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 11:30am

Julia,


I am so sorry.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 12:12am

Thanks so much to all of you for your kindness.

Dh and I had a bit of a rough morning, b/c we were sure we already hit our first glitch: the funeral director called and said that the coffin would not fit into the church we had chosen. He proceeded to try to talk DH into cutting out the church all together and having the funeral service at the chapel in the funeral home. It was pretty upsetting, b/c we've both put so much thought into all of the plans that we've made, and because we know that DH's father wanted a traditional service and burial. Since the minister said yesterday that caskets do fit between the aisles, we started wondering if the funeral director was trying to push us into having the service at his home just to cut out the church and get the extra $. The aisles are on the narrow side, so that's why I asked the minister if the casket would fit in the first place. The church is a historical site and was built in 1839. I'm sure the aisles are the size they are, b/c back then people were put to rest in narrow pine boxes . . . nothing at all like the massive things we have now.

We talked about it and called the funeral director back to ask if he was trying to imply that it was impossible to get a casket in and out of the church. He said it wasn't. We'd just need 6 strong pallbearers, and they may have to lift the casket up above the pews.

So now we just need to order flowers, find a few more pall bearers, put some pictures together, pick out some scriptures, write a eulogy, and find someone to cater a reception after the burial. It's stressful, because DH and I have done everything. The cemetery plot alone was a massive task. We went to all of the cemeteries in the area, took pictures and videos and uploaded them all, b/c his dad wanted to take part in seeing/"picking out" his final resting place (he lived in PA; he's going to be buried here in NY where all of his family is). When we decided on what we believed to be the most beautiful, dignified cemetery, we found out that we had to look for 4 plots and not 2, because one of DH's brothers and SILs decided they wanted to have plots beside DH's parents. We were constantly making calls to a woman at the cemetery to find us 4 plots instead of 2 in a nice, older part of the cemetery. She'd leave us literature and maps at the cemetery so we could walk around and hunt for a spot. And when we found it, we had to take multiple pics of that, too, and post those videos.

It just seems like it's never going to end. But I know it will. It'll end abruptly after the burial on Wed. And then we'll wish we had all of this planning to stress about and preoccupy ourselves with. In a way, it helps to distract from the grief. At the same time, it's really hard for DH and I to do all by ourselves. Nobody else has had to think about even one of the thousands of details that go into every freaking thing. We have had to do that while also thinking about them, and how we want this all to go not just as my FIL wanted, but as they all do . . . even though they're not really helping with any of the planning. I don't know what we would've done if it was a sudden death and we hadn't already done so much of the legwork. It's amazing that families are able to do such quick planning in cases like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 12:44am
Oh Julia, Im so so sorry about your FIL.
I hope that you and your DH can be a comfort to each other, and the rest of his family, during this very difficult time. Im sorry that you have to make all of those sad arrangements...
My sympathies to you and your family.
I hope that your husband is coping ok right now.


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