Julia1232010

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Julia1232010
17
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 12:27pm
Julia - This is certainly not an attack or calling you out, just didn't know how else to reach you - I tried to e-mail you, but you have e-mailing disabled. I too was raised Catholic and forced to make a decision (a decision with out options I call it) to terminate my last pregnancy. I also struggle with the pro-life/pro-choice debate and never did until I was put into the position that I was. I faced very similar circumstances with what to tell my Catholic parents and friends regarding my decision. That is why the boards exist, so that we can find one another. So we don't feel so alone. If you would like to talk more about it, please e-mail me. I would love to commiserate with someone who knows where I am coming from.

Correena


Our

Correena


Our (brief) History of TTC:
October 2004 - Met DH in NY
July 2005 - Move

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 2:22pm
Correena, Im so sorry that you were forced to end your pregnancy too early with Gabriel. That has to be the hardest choice that a mother can be forced to make. It is just so, so sad. I am glad that you are open to talking about it though, that you have places like this board to come to for support, and that you are able to face your fears and TTC again.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 2:37pm

Thanks Nicole. It was the worst situation of my life, and probably always will be. I am certainly open to talking about it, if anyone else has questions or thoughts on the subject, just ask. I hope that no one else finds themselves in that position.

Also, I'm not sure that I posted my original post extending a (((BIG HUG))) and understanding to Julia in the right place. I wasn't sure where it should really go and I certainly didn't want to hi-jack Dani's post :) If you need to relocate it, please do.

Correena


Our

Correena


Our (brief) History of TTC:
October 2004 - Met DH in NY
July 2005 - Move
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 5:05pm

The post could have probably gone under "daily support", but this is fine too.

I have no idea how I would feel or react if I was placed in that situation. Especially when other people around you, like Mom or MIL, weren't telling the whole truth about your experience. I think that's what would get to me the most about it (other than the fact that your baby is dead).



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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2010
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 7:04pm

I'm really trying to express love, I'm not very eloquent so know that if I offend you it is in no way intentional I simply want to share my story with you and let you know that there is no judgment!

Correena I am so so sorry that you had to terminate you're pregnancy I know how hard that decision is. I just want to say that if anyone has made you feel less for making that decision the I was raised in a christian home and have always been staunchly pro-life. Pro-life to the point that I thought it was never ever ok. I haven't had an abortion, I knew I couldn't handle that, but after my experience I realized that in certain cases it truly is up to the woman and not the state to decide what is best. My heart aches for those of you who have been put in that position and I hate that it happens. I just want you to know that I'm pro-life and I in no way judge you! I cringe every time I see a t-shirt with a condemning logo, it hurts me and I'm so sorry you have to endure that.

***warning PG & still birth mentioned*****
Just in advance I'm not saying this to make you feel bad that you made your choice, in retrospect it would have been safer and smarter to make the same. I'm sharing this to tell you that I understand that decision and that I'm so sorry you were put in that position and that I understand whole-heartedly why you made it!

Not many people know this about me but when I was 16 I became pregnant with twins. Well in the middle of my fourth month of pregnancy I was diagnosed with a very severe case of Maternal Mirror Syndrome. My organs were shutting down and my babies were dieing. I was given a 25% percent chance of survival, and the pregnancy a 5% chance of success. The doctors told me the only thing to do was terminate, I refused. I knew that FOR ME that was not the right decision. I went into labor at 5 months and both twins died. I was on life support and nearly died. I survived and praise God for that. After my experience my views on abortion changed because while I made my decision, I'm glad I was able to make it and no one forced me. I just you to know that there are those of us pro lifers who hate what the debate has become and Ache that those who have a had abortions have to go through what they have.





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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 7:23pm
Thank you guys. That's all I can say for now. Have more family things to do tonight, but didn't want you to think I was avoiding this thread since I've just posted elsewhere. Thank you, Correena, for starting it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 8:06pm

Oh Gina - Your story is heartbreaking! I am inspired by your strength and your ability to stand by your convictions and do what you believed in your heart to be *right*. I still consider myself to be pro-life, but as with most things in life, there are exceptions. Nothing is purely black and white and it is the grey area that makes for confusion when discussing challenging topics - especially this one.

I am so glad that you pulled through and are here to share your story today.

I always thought that I would make the same decision that you made if I were ever faced with it. I KNEW I would leave it in God's hands and if it were meant to be it would be. I have come to take a different opinion regarding what leaving it to God means. I think there is a reason for medical advances and a reason that the doctors were able to tell me the things they were regarding Gabriel's health issues (and my own). If I had it all to do over again I feel confident with my decision and I would do it again.

Ultimately, God (or science, or nature, or fate, or karma) granted me the greatest gift of mercy and grace when the day before my scheduled procedure I learned that the membranes had ruptured (water broke) and it was no longer in my hands. I am at peace with the decision that I made and I would have been forced to follow through with, but by the hand of God (only my faith and opinion) I was spared the guilt and the torture of "what if." It has granted me the peace to continue trying.

Thank you again for sharing your story :)

PS. I'm not easily offended (by swapped letters, opposing view points, blinkies or otherwise) ;)

Correena


Our

Correena


Our (brief) History of TTC:
October 2004 - Met DH in NY
July 2005 - Move
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 8:10pm

Julia - I'm glad that you were able to find this way down here. I know this isn't the best place for it, and I really I am sorry if I was "out of line" to put your name in the subject line. I just know that there was a lot of support out there for Dani (and that is AWESOME!!) but I wanted you to know that I was thinking of you and knew where you were coming from. The decision you made - No one should ever face that situation, I know, I've been there.

I'm here when ever you want to talk about it...here or via e-mail. :)

Hope your family stuff goes well tonight.

Correena


Our

Correena


Our (brief) History of TTC:
October 2004 - Met DH in NY
July 2005 - Move
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2010
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 8:58pm
My viewpoint has changed too, a ton. I know that if I had to do it again I have no idea what I would do. I think more than being strong in my convictions it had to do with not wanting that responsibilty, I couldn't handle it and I know that if it were to happen today I might choose differently. I'm so glad that you were given that measure of peace, though in truth I wish nothing like this every happened. It's good you don't wonder what if. I'm glad I didn't offend! Nothing is ever black and white and I have learned that through much error on my own part.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 9:10pm

Thanks for starting this thread, Correena! I wanted to share my support as well, for you and Julia, and anyone else who has ever had cause to even think about making this decision.

***pg, kids, and still birth mentioned***
I'm not Catholic, but I am Mormon, and am very pro-life. My bff is also, and she had a similar situation to yours, in that her baby was diagnosed at the mid-way u/s with a condition that was "not compatible with life." The mom was sick, not life-or-death ill, but just couldn't take medicine that she needed while pg, and she wasn't able to take as good of care of her older kids as she needed to (would have been worth it to give them a baby brother, but to not bring home a baby afterward was a different story). She talked with our bishop about the choice she was faced with. Although the church does condone pregnancy termination for maternal health, she wasn't going to die if she continued with the pregnancy.

Our bishop told her, "Everything that we have in this world can be used in good ways and bad. Electricity itself isn't good or bad -- it's how it's used. If you're coming into contact with open current, it's bad, and dangerous. If you're turning on a light switch and cooking your dinner in the microwave, it's a good and useful thing. The ability to terminate a pregnancy in itself isn't a bad thing. There are times that it is warranted, and this is one."

Everyone at church knew the full conditions of her pregnancy ending, and I could not have asked for anyone to behave better. Throughout the whole ordeal, she had stories shared with her, friends bring dinner, etc. I got her a birthstone necklace to acknowledge Aaron's birth, and sat with her and sobbed while we put our fingers in his tiny hand and footprints in a clay stone. Although every one of her pro-life family and friends knew the whole situation, she was treated as if she had spontaneously gone into labor and her baby had died. And as hard as the experience was, because it had to happen at all, I wish that you had received the same outpouring of support and love.

Julia, I wish I could hold your hand, look you in the eye, and say, "You made the right choice. I know it was hard, but sometimes mothers have to make hard decisions. I'm proud of you, and I hope and pray that you get your chance to make your angel baby a big brother or sister very soon."

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I'm pg with #4, with 5 1/2 losses along the way.


09/2003 -- chem pg.
10/2003 -- bfp with DS Noah (07/20/2004).
03/2005 -- chem pg.
04/2005 -- bfp with DD Catie (12/29/2005).
06/2008 -- chem pg.
07/2008 -- bfp with DS Drew (03/13/2009) and vanishing twin.
03/2010 -- bfp ending with m/c at 6 weeks.
05/2010 -- chem pg.
07/2010 -- bfp! Stick, Baby, Stick!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2010
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 9:13pm
Kelly, you said it so much better than I! Thank you! There's so much love here...it's good




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