2 m/cs, 6 years apart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2010
2 m/cs, 6 years apart.
5
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 1:00am

Hello ladies, I'm new here. The name is Cassandra :)

I've decided to join in here as I just went through my second miscarriage. The first was 6 years ago, actually exactly. Both pregnancies had the exact same EDD. Anyway, the first was unplanned, but still heartbreaking none the less. I didn't find out until I had my first ultrasound at 11 weeks, and it didn't pass until almost 13 weeks and resulted in a 9 hour ER visit.

This time around, my husband and I were actively trying, and got PG on our second try. Right from the start I kind of felt like it wasn't real. I had very few symptoms, and I just couldn't put it in my head that I had a baby in me, and had even told my mom and husband as much. DH and I went in for our first u/s at 8w2d, and sure enough, it was a blighted ovum, no baby :( It was heartbreaking, mostly because this is now my second m/c in as many pregnancies which leads me to believe something is wrong. Luckily, I have an amazing doctor that has done the full recurrent pregnancy loss workup and we're just waiting for the results now before we can start trying again.

I'm so anxious to start trying again, this whole not knowing if something is wrong or if it was just a fluke is killing me. If I find out I can never carry a healthy baby, my world will be completely and utterly shattered. All I've ever cared about in this life is becoming a mom, and to think that that might not be possible is seriously the worse possible thing I could imagine.

Anyway, just hoping for some support, some words of encouragement, and hopefully lots of success stories of other women that have had multiple losses.

Thank you all for reading :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 5:01am

((Cassandra))

Kathy Kate-9, Emmy-8, Kevin-5 Early m/c 5wks 7/02 Missed m/c 7w2d; D&C 3/10 Missed m/c 8wks; D&C 9/10
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 5:36am

Cassandra :( I am so sorry for what you've been through. Both my losses were long before we could have seen anything on an u/s so I can't imagine how heartbreaking it would be to think you are about to see your baby only to learn he or she is gone.

Anyway, this is the PERFECT place for you to be. We all support each other and give advice and generally try to keep each other's spirits up while we go through this hell that is TTCAM. Sit down, have a seat and I hope you're stay is short.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 10:20am

Welcome Cassandra and I'm so sorry for your losses.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2010
Fri, 12-10-2010 - 12:24am

Thank you ladies for the kind words. I'm so glad I've found this message board, I've felt so alone in all this. It's been such an emotional rollercoaster. Some days I feel great and optimistic and excited to start trying again, other days I just want to crawl in a hole and die..

I get so unbearably jealous whenever I hear about friends pregnancies or babies, I can't handle it. I've blocked certain peoples status updates from showing up on my Facebook because any time I would read an update I couldn't help but feel so extremely angry that this has been taken away from me twice now. I'm so anxious to get the results of my blood tests back!

This holiday season absolutely sucks. Thanksgiving was really hard, it was the week after my miscarriage. Now Christmas is coming up, right when I would have been 13 weeks and probably just starting to show... I want nothing to do with Christmas this year, we are not putting up any of our decorations or lights or even a tree. I just want to get it over and done with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008
Fri, 12-10-2010 - 3:39pm

So sorry for your losses.