2nd MC, Downhearted

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2010
2nd MC, Downhearted
8
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 1:07pm

*kid mentioned*

Hi Ladies. I've just suffered my second miscarriage at 4w5d. The first was back in the spring at 4w2d. I lurked on this board throughout the summer, but could never bring myself to post. Now, I know no one else who could understand.

The first MC was easier. I knew the statistics. I knew how common MC's are. I was able to pick my self back up and move on pretty easily. This time though - its just hard. I feel incredibly overwhelmed. Its so daunting to think of starting all over again. Another 3-6 months TTC, and then will the pregnancy stick? How many times will I go down this road? How long can I do this?

What makes it both easier and more difficult is that I already have a child. My DS just turned two, and his pregnancy was so simple. We decided to try - one cycle, 1 try on the last possible fertile day, and then boom pregnant and nine months later, healthy boy. Was he our miracle child, our fluke? Did something go wrong in his delivery that damaged me (he was born via emergency c-section)?

Or are these MC's the fluke? Is it bad luck on the draw that we have been faced with 2 nonviable pregnancies in a row?

I have no answers and I think that's worst of all. All I have are worries, and tears, and this yearning for the other children I know were meant to have. My son is not supposed to be an only child.

I am sharing this with you ladies because I know you have been where I am, and that many of you have faced greater heartache than I yet you are still able to go on hoping and believing and encouraging that faith in others.

,Kate

Missing my angel babies.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 1:57pm

Kate, I am so sorry :(



My losses were around the same time as yours and like you, my first loss was easier. I thought, this happens ALL the time and the chances of it happening again (even per the dr) were almost non-existant. Well guess what...if it was going to happen to one in a million people, I would be that one person. Now I wonder if I will ever be able to stay pregnant again. It didn't help matters that it took 4 years to get that BFP!



As you know, the days will get easier although you will probably never go a day without thinking about those babies.



I hope you get another BFP quickly...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 6:36pm

Welcome Kate and I'm so sorry for your losses.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2006
Fri, 09-17-2010 - 10:13pm
I am so very sorry for your losses. Nobody should have to go through this once let alone twice or more. My thoughts are with you.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 2:15am

Hi Kate, I am so sorry you are going through this right now.

Kathy Kate-9, Emmy-8, Kevin-5 Early m/c 5wks 7/02 Missed m/c 7w2d; D&C 3/10 Missed m/c 8wks; D&C 9/10
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Sat, 09-18-2010 - 6:45pm
Kate, I am so sorry for your losses. I know your feelings too well. There are so many questions we want answered, but we cant get those answers. I hope you dont have to stick around here long and that you get your BFP soon and it sticks! But if not, please feel free to join in and cry with us, laugh with us, and chat with us :) I am sorry you have to be here, but you are with a wonderful group of women :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2010
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 12:53pm

Thanks Ladies for all of your kind responses. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to respond, but I've be intentionally ignoring everything to do with TTC, MC, etc. the last few days. Now that the initial shock has worn off, I'm starting to get my feet back under me.

One good thing, is that I did hear from my midwife with the results of my bloodwork which was taken about an hour after I started MCing. The MC (and likely my 1st as well) was caused by an utter lack of progesterone. My progesterone was a 1.4 while the MW likes to see a 21 or higher in a healthy pregnancy. This news doesn't come as a surprise to me, and it will likely be followed in a couple weeks by a diagnosis of PCOS.

As far as the PCOS is concerned about the only symptom I don't have is anovulation. I do ovulate every month as far as I know (+OPKs & and 3 conceptions in 9 months TTC if you count my son) even if my cycles run a little long. That's a blessing. But I am daunted by the intelligence that my body is producing almost no progesterone. I will be going on a supplement, but I worry that might not be enough to make up the difference. I guess we'll see.

,Kate

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 10:25pm

Kate, I can relate to EVERYTHING that you said. In fact, I could have written it myself, not too long ago. I have had all of the same doubts and fears and worries that you mentioned, and all three of my losses came after one (relatively!) healthy pregnancy. I totally understand wanting more children, and not wanting your son to grow up as an only child. If you have this strong desire in your heart for more children, it is just about impossible to let that go, to let that hope die and give up on the dream of the family you've been hoping and praying for.

You said "I have no answers and I think that's worst of all. All I have are worries, and tears, and this yearning for the other children I know were meant to have. My son is not supposed to be an only child." I KNOW!!! So many of us never get answers as to why our losses happened. But most of the time it IS a fluke, just plain terrible bad luck. A lot of times they are because of chromosomal abnormalities that are incompatible with life. I know how easy it is to doubt yourself and your body, and think that you might never have another healthy pregnancy. But I really do hope that this is not the case, that it will work for you again. All you can do is be willing to risk it and try another time.

I am sorry that you are here, suffering through a second miscarriage. But I want to thank you for sharing your story with us. If you have any more questions, please ask. Also check out the section below called "Moms of One or More", you might find it helpful.



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My Personal Blog: myhopeisin-you.blogspot.com
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2010
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 7:48pm
I'm so sorry for your losses. I hope that you can start TTC again soon and get a super sticky BFP!!!! Welcome