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|Tue, 08-03-2010 - 1:41am|
Just introducing myself to the group.
My name is Julie. I'm 36. After overcoming a lot of apprehension (that's putting mildly) about becoming a mom, we started trying in May 2010, and I got pregnant right away. The pregnancy didn't get very far and I miscarried at the 5 week mark. It was upsetting, but after a brief discussion with my NP and OB/GYN, we decided to go ahead and try right away. I got pregnant a second time and miscarried this past July at 6 weeks. I don't seem to have any trouble conceiving, but my body doesn't seem to be interested in carrying the pregnancies too far. My new OB/GYN has performed some routine tests, but is resistant to run anything more and has given us the green light to go ahead and try again.
My cycle started up like clockwork after the second miscarriage and I'm back to normal as though nothing's happened. I've just finished my first period and am on a 26 day cycle. This means we will more than likely try again the second week of September. On a scale of 1-10, my anxiety about trying again is probably at an 8 right now. I've lost some friends as a result of the first miscarriage. I carry a lot of guilt about the pregnancies and those people who have stepped out of my life. This has been a summer I would like to forget.
That being said, my anxiety about trying again also leads to anxiety about extreme medical interventions we can't afford and private adoptions that are also too expensive. This leaves us with fostering to adoption, which I've witnessed a lot of heartbreak so I typically break down crying and just declare I'm only fostering and adopting dogs. It's a bit of a vicious cycle in my head and I hate that I can't wrap my head around this rationally.
That being said, I have had a good days here and there. I love my DH. He's an amazing partner in every way. I'm fortunate to have him. And I'm fortunate to have the three giant furbabies all sleeping under my feet.
Thanks for letting me share.