How to care for my sister-in-law?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
How to care for my sister-in-law?
4
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 11:56pm

Please forgive me if the following question is insensitive. I really need some perspective and I think this is the right place to turn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 9:25am
I would say to just be happy for them right now, but guard your own heart, knowing that it could happen again. Don't tell her that she's going to miscarry, because you don't know that. But, also, if it DOES happen again, don't tell her "I knew this was going to happen" or "I told you so". If it does happen again, be there emotionally for them (although if it's hard for you emotionally to see your brother and his wife go through loss after loss, then it's also understandable if you offer your condolences and express to them that you're sorry you can't be there for them emotionally because it's hard on you as well). Perhaps, if they are grief-stricken, you can remind them that most hospitals have some sort of support group that they could attend.

As for the pain and endometriosis, she might be playing it up a bit at times, but endometriosis can also be severely painful and debilitating. I am not 100% sure that I have endometriosis, but if the pain I've had on and off is due to endometriosis, it can be crippling and there are days when I'm in such horrible pain and so nauseated that I can't function. I can only curl up in bed and sometimes I end up only being able to concentrate on breathing to get through the pain and nausea. So, while she might seem to be overly dramatic at times, there might also be some times where she truly is in as much pain as she's saying. I wouldn't always offer the pity when she just verbally complains about pain. But, if she needs to find a place to lay down when she's at your home, definitely offer it. Has her doctor gone in to remove endometriosis and try to remove some of the scarring?

I truly hope that this is her one miracle baby, but I hope that if she does lose this one, she'll go see a doctor who will give her some good advice on what the next step should be - removal of endo, determining the amount of scarring, and whether pregnancy would be advisable or whether she will simply keep having loss after loss. If a doctor tells her that because of scarring, she'll just continue to have loss after loss, perhaps you can support them as they decide how to proceed with their decisions to become parents - whether through a surrogate or via adoption.

Just my thoughts and ramblings. I hope that helps!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 11:05am
You just need to be happy for them right now. For right now, they are having a baby, for right now, they have hopes and they have dreams. You need to be happy for them right now.

Miracles do happen, just because someone has multiple miscarriages, or just because a doctor says they can't get pregnant, or they can't carry a baby to term, doesn't mean it can't happen. Miracles happen every single day.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2011
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 12:40pm
I 2nd everything Tee said.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Sat, 04-09-2011 - 6:46pm

Thank you all for your advice.