how did your husband/partner deal with the loss?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
how did your husband/partner deal with the loss?
2
Tue, 10-04-2011 - 9:17am

I have miscarried two times. This last Sunday when I found out that I had missed abortion and I was so upset. However, my husband took it worse than me probably because the first miscarriage that we had we were in different countries so it was a different experience for him as he was not present. So on Sunday he cried and was depressive all day. I felt the same but I felt like I did not have the support from him because he just kept on saying that we have such bad luck and most of the day he just kept to himself. Yesterday in hospital he was with me the whole day but today he had to go to work which is ok because physically I feel ok and I am not bleeding a lot. I just feel dizzy because yesterday they put me to sleep for the intervention and I know this is common side effect. But today he called me from work and said that after work he is going to play futball with his friends because it will help him stop thiking about it at least for little bit. This made me upset because I am alone at home all day and he is not going to be home from futball until 10pm. I am upset that he does not think it is difficult for me to be at home alone all day. Am I right? Or am I just being too sensitive? I know he is having a hard time but so am I! And I do not want to be alone...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010

I am so sorry for your loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
We all grieve in our own ways. My husband has cried and been angry right along with me. But, he's now distancing himself from a lot of the TTC and is trying not to get emotionally attached to any of this process at this point, since our 2nd miscarriage over a year ago.

In a way, I think I would be angry if my DH did the same - going off to do something to get his mind off of his grief, but I also couldn't blame him, either. We all have our things that we need to do to let off steam, let off those emotions, and try to sort through the grief.

Do you have any hobbies or things that you can immerse yourself in while he's off with his friends? Do you have friends that you can be with? Do you have something that you enjoy doing as your "escape" as well? I know that I love to read and I also like to scrapbook. Those are my escapes - and hours can pass by so quickly when I'm immersed in something I enjoy doing.

I do suggest that you sit down and talk with your husband and try to figure out how to work through this together, so that you aren't being left alone. Let him know that you do need him, but that you also understand his need to remove himself from the situation, sometimes, as long as it's not every night or more often than he spends time at home with you. If this is a one-time thing, then I would let it go. Let him go blow off his steam. It's emotional for him, too. (((HUGS)))
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