I am back again

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
I am back again
14
Thu, 04-21-2011 - 1:04pm
Well, looks like another one of us from the October board is on here. My doc couldn't find the heartbeat on the doppler so sent me for a sono to make sure everything was alright. We had already seen the heartbeat on the sonogram at 7 weeks. So we go over expecting to see a bouncing baby in there and there was not. My baby's heart stopped at 8+4. So, I had a D&C yesterday and here I am bruised, bleeding and heartbroken. My doctor said that it may be an issue with progesterone or some sort of hormonal abnormality. They sent everything to a lab to see if they can figure out what caused this miscarriage. I don't know how long it's going to be but I will be waiting. They said I lost a lot of blood during my surgery (1000 ml's) and that my hemoglobin is only 10.4....so I am tired all the time. I think I got a unit of blood at the hospital although I am not sure about that. I am going to have to ask when I go to my follow up appointment. What kind of testing can I do to figure this mess out? I don't even know where to go from here. It's not a getting pregnant issue....its sustaining a pregnancy. I am so lost!

Here is a very nasty vent part so don't read it if you don't want to:
I feeling like a complete failure. I don't know why it is that I struggle to have a child and you have people having children that don't take care of the one's they have. Why is it that I was a 30 year old crack head on welfare...that I would probably have 10 kids no problem. Why is it that people like us have to suffer. It's just not fair. My husband is being deployed in September and what if he doesn't come home.....this just stinks. I hate it that I have to go through this and I hate it that I have to explain to a 6 year old little girl why she isn't having a brother or sister. I was optimistic about this pregnancy and obviously that didn't work out for me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Thu, 04-21-2011 - 1:07pm
And that is supposed to be "why is it that IF I was a 30 year old...."
lol...can't figure out how to edit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Thu, 04-21-2011 - 3:07pm
Oh god, I am so sorry!! I wish I could say more to make you feel better but we all know there are no words. I am just so, so sorry... :(
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Thu, 04-21-2011 - 6:22pm
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've gone through the "why them and not me" many many many times. Why the crackhead and not me. Why the 15 year old girl and not me. Why the horrible mom with 15 kids she already doesn't take care of and not me. Why not me. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hugs...


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Thu, 04-21-2011 - 6:47pm
I'm so, so sorry about your loss. Your story sounds so similar to mine - I went for the "fun" appointment to be able to hear the heartbeat for the first time. I brought my DD and DH with me. It was going to be a happy day. We were all excited! Then, they couldn't find the heartbeat. My heart started racing because I was scared and they kept thinking that my heartbeat was the baby's, but then they were only hearing one heartbeat (not mine plus another one). So, the nurse said, "oh, well, maybe it's just that the placenta is in front and the baby is 'hiding' and we'll send you for an u/s just to make sure that everything is ok." Well, we all three went into the u/s room (my DD was 7 at the time). She saw her baby sibling not moving on the screen. I feel horrible that she was there and witnessed all that. It's just such a painful thing having to tell your living child that their baby brother or sister died and that we don't know why. It's so hard! (((HUGS)))

I hear you on the people who abuse their kids or do drugs or are unfit parents being super fertile, but those of us who take care of our bodies, treat children well, and are ready and willing to open our homes and our arms to another little one just struggle.

(((HUGS))) It just plain sucks. There are no other words.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2010
Thu, 04-21-2011 - 7:47pm
I am so sorry for your loss. And that's not a nasty vent. I have felt or thought pretty much everything you said minus DH being gone and having a child. (((Hugs)))
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Thu, 04-21-2011 - 7:59pm
Thank you guys for all the support. I am pretty bitter and hurt. It just plain sucks. What kind of test should I have done? I have no idea where to go from here but if I could be pointed in the right direction that would be a start. Thanks so much guys.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Thu, 04-21-2011 - 8:31pm

I`m so sorry for your loss, i too was an october board member until my natural MC at 7 weeks.

Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Thu, 04-21-2011 - 8:50pm
(Hugs) I am so sad to see you on here. Please take care of yourself & your family as you go through this tough time.
I don't think its bitter, I think its natural to get furious when I hear about parents neglecting, abusing or even killing their children! Why are they given kids and not us? It's so unfair.
I am asking for the following tests:
Lupus & other auto immune diseases
Thyroid
Follicle count
Estradital
Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) day 3
And I think that's it. If I remember anything else, I will let you know. Good luck with everything, and hang in there.

S

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008
Thu, 04-21-2011 - 9:13pm

I am so sorry for your loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 04-21-2011 - 9:59pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is such an overwhelmingly devastating experience, so I completely understand your frustrations and bitterness. I even feel upset when good people around me get pregnant, let alone those are unwanting or undeserving, I think to myself " why couldn't this have been ME?!" I also would have been expecting an October baby, but experienced a natural miscarriage at about 7 weeks in March. I think I was especially bitter and angry the first week or two after the miscarriage, and then time helped to ease those feelings.

I haven't had experience with different types of fertility testing, but I do have thyroid issues (namely, the lack of a thyroid), so I know it's important (among many other factors) that the thryoid working properly in order to get and stay pregnant. Before I had my thyroid removed, I had a condition called Hashimoto's thyroiditis in which your body attacks the thyroid and produces thyroid antibodies...my doctors believe that this condition caused my first miscarriage, because Hashimoto's increases risk of miscarriage farely significantly. So the point of all that is that thyroid function is important in fertility as you probably already know. So that's a good area to get checked out :) Best of luck as you heal from your loss and in your future TTC journey.

-Lucia

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