I'm back. :( Infant loss mentioned

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2007
I'm back. :( Infant loss mentioned
10
Sun, 11-18-2012 - 8:32pm

I'm not actually TTC yet, but I hope you don't mind if I pop in again.  The infant loss board is completely dead.. and this board seems more active. I haven't figured out the tickers on this new board yet.  I have a 4 1/2 year old, almost 2 year old, and now angel in heaven forever 4 months old. (all girls) My youngest passed away suddenly on October 27 of this year due to SIDS.  I have been here before with a miscarriage in 2009, but this grief is so much worse for me.  You think after you get the baby here that you are in the clear.  Not for me though.


I miss her terribly. It is hard to imagine that I will never kiss her again. Never hold her again. The sadness is so great.. I don't know how I can ever be normal again. I did "everything" you were supposed to do to reduce the incidence of SIDS. (Back to sleep, no blankets, no bumpers, pacifier, room was cool, and we nursed) She still died.  I don't know how to go on.

The strange thing is that I prayed about this to God before because my terror of SIDS was so high this time.  My mom kept pressuring me to get DH a vasectomy, but I felt it was wrong, and I wanted to make sure we were through the SIDS window before he got snipped.  I had a mirena put in instead.  I knew that I could never replace a baby, but that I would want the option to TTC again.  Then this happens.  Reading the SIDS book I was sent in the mail it actually said that moms of SIDS babies seem to have a premonition that it might happen.  I had hoped my fears were unfounded.  I'm terrified it could happen again to me.

I am having health problems that need fixing first before TTC.  Also I will be 36 in January.  The thought of TTC at my age makes me a bit nervous, as I had 3 supposedly healthy children.. and my eggs are getting old.

Thanks for listening.

<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lagf.lilypie.com/GY5Ym8.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers" /></a>
[link=http://lilypie.com][img noborder]http://lagf.lilypie.com/GY5Ym8.png[/img][/link]
http://lagf.lilypie.com/GY5Ym8.png
Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 1:37pm

Oh no, I'm so very sorry about the loss of your baby :(   There is no comprehending how much grief you must be feeling, but know I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of (((HUGS))).  

Just a quick note about your siggy, click on "edit my preferences" located under quick links in the right hand column.  Copy what you currently have in the siggy box, delete it, then click on "Disable Rich Text".  Paste your code, then click on "Enable Rich Text".  That should make your ticker work, let me know if it doesn.t

(((HUGS)))

Avatar for wannabemommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2011
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 3:11pm
I'm so sorry, ((hugs)) to you momma. I know there's really nothing to take the pain away but if there's anything any of us can do please let us know. I hope your stay here is short once you begin TTC.

Private message me if you'd like to join our TTCAM facebook group :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2012
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 7:02pm

Oh my goodness, I could never imagine.  I just had a miscarriage and my heart goes out to you...4 months?  .I am so sorry for your loss.

Nina, mc at 8 weeks, October 29, 2012, mc at 4.5 weeks on January 12,  staying positive and third times's a charm???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 4:29am

I can't imagine the grief that you are dealing with.  I am new to this board and have a 4 yr old and recently lost my second pregnancy.  You and I are the same age and I am still deciding to try again or not but feel the same "only a few years left" pressure of making a decision.  I hope you find some sort of peace and the answers that you are looking for, for you and your family.

Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2001
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 2:41pm

Im so sorry for your loss :( ((((hugs)))))

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Avatar for CW8062012
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2012
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 3:50pm

I am so sorry for your loss.  Welcome to the board.  I hope your stay is short!

Avatar for jmetz09
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2010
Sat, 11-24-2012 - 2:28am

:( I am so so sorry to read and hear this! I lost a baby at 19 weeks and that was hard very hard and I would not wish that on anyone. But to bring your baby home and the baby pass from sids I am sure is very hard! I am so sorry that you have to go through this but do hope that we bring you some comfort in the next Stages of grief. Hang in there my love. We are here for you always.

~Jessica~

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 9:14pm
Hey Cindy, just me here sending you a hug and saying I am here too and I think about you and pray for you every night. Karri

Karri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2009
Thu, 12-20-2012 - 9:30pm

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my babyboy when he was 14 months old to cancer, I thought the same things if I did everything i could my babies would be ok.... I was wrong. I tried for a long time to "understand " why i lost my son but never got an answer. In my opinion, there is no more "normal", now you have to make a "new normal" where your baby is loved and missed every minute of everyday but not physically here with you. My prayers are with you.


Pregnancy%20ticker
Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Sun, 01-06-2013 - 4:14pm

goddesschris30 wrote:
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my babyboy when he was 14 months old to cancer, I thought the same things if I did everything i could my babies would be ok.... I was wrong. I tried for a long time to "understand " why i lost my son but never got an answer. In my opinion, there is no more "normal", now you have to make a "new normal" where your baby is loved and missed every minute of everyday but not physically here with you. My prayers are with you.

Oh my goodness!! Chris, I am soooooo sorry about your loss, I did not know!! Cry But soooo happy you have a wee one coming!

And Cindy, I am sending you a PM.

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend