I'm back. :( Infant loss mentioned
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|Sun, 11-18-2012 - 8:32pm|
I'm not actually TTC yet, but I hope you don't mind if I pop in again. The infant loss board is completely dead.. and this board seems more active. I haven't figured out the tickers on this new board yet. I have a 4 1/2 year old, almost 2 year old, and now angel in heaven forever 4 months old. (all girls) My youngest passed away suddenly on October 27 of this year due to SIDS. I have been here before with a miscarriage in 2009, but this grief is so much worse for me. You think after you get the baby here that you are in the clear. Not for me though.
I miss her terribly. It is hard to imagine that I will never kiss her again. Never hold her again. The sadness is so great.. I don't know how I can ever be normal again. I did "everything" you were supposed to do to reduce the incidence of SIDS. (Back to sleep, no blankets, no bumpers, pacifier, room was cool, and we nursed) She still died. I don't know how to go on.
The strange thing is that I prayed about this to God before because my terror of SIDS was so high this time. My mom kept pressuring me to get DH a vasectomy, but I felt it was wrong, and I wanted to make sure we were through the SIDS window before he got snipped. I had a mirena put in instead. I knew that I could never replace a baby, but that I would want the option to TTC again. Then this happens. Reading the SIDS book I was sent in the mail it actually said that moms of SIDS babies seem to have a premonition that it might happen. I had hoped my fears were unfounded. I'm terrified it could happen again to me.
I am having health problems that need fixing first before TTC. Also I will be 36 in January. The thought of TTC at my age makes me a bit nervous, as I had 3 supposedly healthy children.. and my eggs are getting old.
Thanks for listening.