Intro- kid mentioned, very morbid, long
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|Thu, 09-09-2010 - 9:57am|
Hi, I'm Geneva. I have an almost 2-year-old son named Brody, and I just had my second miscarriage. I was really surprised at how much worse this m/c was. My first was a six week loss and it just seemed physically like a late period. No one in my extended family took it very seriously, but it hit me very hard. I had already told EVERYONE, so my sisters had to un-tell them all, and then everyone was very sorry for me. They were so sorry, in fact, that they were all watching me and asking me if I was pregnant yet all the time. I conceived my son three months later, and then I really began to heal. Everyone told me it was a fluke and not at all indicative of a problem. Even the doctors were very upbeat. I kind of wanted to kill everyone. I was very happy to have my son, and by the time he was born I had stopped crying all the time. I'm still BF right now, so I waited until DS had really cut back before TTC another baby. I had a success the first cycle of trying (I have no problem conceiving, just keeping them.) I was very excited because a good friend of mine was only two weeks ahead of me with her first baby. She told right when she got the positive, but I just had a feeling I should keep it between DH, my sisters, and me. It turned out I was right.
I was pregnant for eight weeks when I started having recurrent dreams about dead little girls. It really freaked me out, but my first doctor's appointment was at about 10 weeks, and I didn't have any real reason to suspect a problem, so I waited for the appt. On the morning of the appt, I woke up and was bleeding bright red. DH called the doctor for me to see if I should still come in to the appt or go to a different place. They said come in to the appt. When I got there, I realized Dh had not given them my name, because they were treating me as if I was just another women at her first prenatal appt. They examined me and my cervix was closed. They said that was a good sign. They made me wait for a long time to have an u/s, and when they did, the baby was measuring 8 weeks without a heartbeat. The NP said she needed to talk to my doctor, and that she would probably want to talk to me. She came back two minutes later and said my doctor didn't want to talk to me. She didn't give me any instructions about m/c, so I verbally said all of the things they told me the first time and she just agreed. I asked about possibly using progesterone in a future pregnancy. She went and asked my doctor. My doctor said she "doesn't really believe that it works, but she'd prescribe it to me anyway, if it makes me feel better." Then they sent me over to lab to test my hcg levels. They took a urine sample and told me I could go. I went throught the huge building, then outside, and I was almost to my car when they called my cell and said they were supposed to have gotten a blood sample. I had to go all the way back up so they could take a bunch of vials of blood before I could go home. The NP said to schedule an appt for next week to check my levels again, but she didn't make it clear if it was just a lab appt or a real appt. I had to walk back and forth between OBGYN and lab three times, and on one of those times I saw a woman who goes to my church and is pregnant with her second child. She was making those curious looks at me, so I just walked faster.
During the two weeks after that I was bleeding heavily and having true contractions, but I didn't want to tell everyone, so I had to go about business as usual. I was wearing pads and having to change them hourly. I could literally smell the blood. Now it's been almost six weeks. I've had a period, but I don't think I've ovulated yet. This cycle already looks anovulatory and I'm really stressed. I've also gained weight and I was already a few pounds overweight before this pregnancy. I'm supplementing with B complex and I always take a prenatal. I've been having severe mood swings and I'm not sure if it's just hormonal or from the new B vitamins. I'm trying to increase my progesterone levels. I'm also drinking orange juice fortified with C and D. I don't want to go back to that hospital again. My plan is to use a midwife and have a homebirth (if I get pregnant again) but a midwife won't be able to prescribe any progesterone, and I'm not really sure I need it. I have had one healthy pregnancy. If anyone has any insights, please let me know.
Sorry this was so depressing, but I really liked getting it all out.