Intro- kid mentioned, very morbid, long

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Intro- kid mentioned, very morbid, long
9
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 9:57am

Hi, I'm Geneva. I have an almost 2-year-old son named Brody, and I just had my second miscarriage. I was really surprised at how much worse this m/c was. My first was a six week loss and it just seemed physically like a late period. No one in my extended family took it very seriously, but it hit me very hard. I had already told EVERYONE, so my sisters had to un-tell them all, and then everyone was very sorry for me. They were so sorry, in fact, that they were all watching me and asking me if I was pregnant yet all the time. I conceived my son three months later, and then I really began to heal. Everyone told me it was a fluke and not at all indicative of a problem. Even the doctors were very upbeat. I kind of wanted to kill everyone. I was very happy to have my son, and by the time he was born I had stopped crying all the time. I'm still BF right now, so I waited until DS had really cut back before TTC another baby. I had a success the first cycle of trying (I have no problem conceiving, just keeping them.) I was very excited because a good friend of mine was only two weeks ahead of me with her first baby. She told right when she got the positive, but I just had a feeling I should keep it between DH, my sisters, and me. It turned out I was right.



I was pregnant for eight weeks when I started having recurrent dreams about dead little girls. It really freaked me out, but my first doctor's appointment was at about 10 weeks, and I didn't have any real reason to suspect a problem, so I waited for the appt. On the morning of the appt, I woke up and was bleeding bright red. DH called the doctor for me to see if I should still come in to the appt or go to a different place. They said come in to the appt. When I got there, I realized Dh had not given them my name, because they were treating me as if I was just another women at her first prenatal appt. They examined me and my cervix was closed. They said that was a good sign. They made me wait for a long time to have an u/s, and when they did, the baby was measuring 8 weeks without a heartbeat. The NP said she needed to talk to my doctor, and that she would probably want to talk to me. She came back two minutes later and said my doctor didn't want to talk to me. She didn't give me any instructions about m/c, so I verbally said all of the things they told me the first time and she just agreed. I asked about possibly using progesterone in a future pregnancy. She went and asked my doctor. My doctor said she "doesn't really believe that it works, but she'd prescribe it to me anyway, if it makes me feel better." Then they sent me over to lab to test my hcg levels. They took a urine sample and told me I could go. I went throught the huge building, then outside, and I was almost to my car when they called my cell and said they were supposed to have gotten a blood sample. I had to go all the way back up so they could take a bunch of vials of blood before I could go home. The NP said to schedule an appt for next week to check my levels again, but she didn't make it clear if it was just a lab appt or a real appt. I had to walk back and forth between OBGYN and lab three times, and on one of those times I saw a woman who goes to my church and is pregnant with her second child. She was making those curious looks at me, so I just walked faster.



During the two weeks after that I was bleeding heavily and having true contractions, but I didn't want to tell everyone, so I had to go about business as usual. I was wearing pads and having to change them hourly. I could literally smell the blood. Now it's been almost six weeks. I've had a period, but I don't think I've ovulated yet. This cycle already looks anovulatory and I'm really stressed. I've also gained weight and I was already a few pounds overweight before this pregnancy. I'm supplementing with B complex and I always take a prenatal. I've been having severe mood swings and I'm not sure if it's just hormonal or from the new B vitamins. I'm trying to increase my progesterone levels. I'm also drinking orange juice fortified with C and D. I don't want to go back to that hospital again. My plan is to use a midwife and have a homebirth (if I get pregnant again) but a midwife won't be able to prescribe any progesterone, and I'm not really sure I need it. I have had one healthy pregnancy. If anyone has any insights, please let me know.



Sorry this was so depressing, but I really liked getting it all out.

Geneva



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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 10:17am

Geneva, I am so soooo sorry for your loss and so sorry that the NP and your doc were not very helpful in telling you much about why? ect. I do however, want you to know that midwives CAN prescribe medicine. If you go to a MW and she feels you need it, she will call it in. My MW is the one who sends in my Rx for Clomid. So with that, I say, switch over to a MW and she can help you out :) I have never used an Ob/GYN for anything. Never even been to one actually. All my "girly" stuff has been with a MW.

Now also, a lot of people think that midwives ONLY deliver at home. But thats not true. My MW will deliver in any hospital in the Denver area, at my home, or in her office! (They have a room for deliver in the office)... So if you want to go the MW route, you still have plenty of options :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2007
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 12:41pm

Sorry for your losses. Its a hard road.

I just wanted to say a MW can prescribe Progesterone, at least mine did. I know lots of Drs dont believe in Progesterone. Mine doesnt either but she also gave it to me. If there was something wrong to begin with Progesterone won't help, however I know I have low Progesterone so I do think it might have caused my first m/c though Drs dont agree.

Stress can certainly cause issues with ovulation or delay. Its so hard not to stress though.

This board certainly helps to discuss things & has helped me tremendously










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*mindy*
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2010
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 2:25pm
I am so incredibly sorry for your losses. It sounds like you have been through so much. Welcome to the board. Sorry I do not have any great advice for you. Just wanted to say welcome to the board.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Thu, 09-09-2010 - 7:44pm

Geneva, I am so, so sorry for your recent loss. Thank you for being here and for sharing your story with us. And please dont ever apologize for what you are feeling or what you are going through! I hope that you have a lot of kind, supportive people around you to encourage you along as you begin to heal and get ready to TTC again.

What you described did not sound too morbid or out-there to me. I have also had horrific dying-baby dreams before 2 of my pregnancy losses, and let me tell you, knowing what's coming certainly does NOT make it any easier. It is a shame that the NP and doctor could not be more sympathetic, helpful, or understanding during your time of need.

If you are wondering about whether or not progesterone might help you, please get your levels tested. Supplements can be an easy fix, if that is what is causing your losses. Like someone else said, it cant hurt, only help.

I have been using a midwife practice for the past four years, and I really love their more natural, laid-back, holistic approach to healthcare - although I know it's not best for everyone, especially if you have a high-risk pregnancy or other medical concerns. But I recommend my practice to everyone in our area, and am a big proponent for midwives and natural birth whenever possible :)

If you have any questions about what to expect now, how to deal, or what comes next, please post again and ask. We are all here to help each other along on this sad TTC journey.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2006
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 1:26am

I am so sorry for your losses. I was kind of upset when I read how the NP and OB treated you. I think I would look for another OB because they didn't even tell you what to expect. It sounds like they didn't even discuss the options (natural MC or D&C). A MC is a very traumatic thing and we need support from our doctors.

I hope you get your sticky BFP soon.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2008
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 5:57am

***baby mentioned***



Hey Geneva,



I'm very sorry to read of your losses. You must be experiencing a very difficult time and I feel for you.



I, too, have had one m/c (6weeks) then a baby, then another m/c (10 weeks).



I found the 10 week one much worse, for physical and emotional pain.



I also had a very disturbing series of dreams before I found out I was m/c this time. Mine involved passing a little deceased baby stuck in one of those clear plastic balls that come out of gumball machines and being unable to get it out. I know how awful those dreams feel when you are pregnant.



I am very sorry about how totally unprofessional your clinic was! I'm so disappointed at their lack of empathy and their plain disorganisation which lead to you feeling the way you left there feeling.



I hope you get a BFP soon and have a successful pg. I think it's a great idea enlisting the help of a middy, I will be doing the same if, God-willing, I get pg again someday.



Maybe if they can't prescrible progesterone you could ask for the OK on baby aspirin? I have heard this works for ladies who have had m/cs. I'm going to ask too.



B

Lilypie - (SpQc)



Daisypath - (2wEx)





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B, loving wife to L. Proud Mum to William Luke (22 months) and expecting Samuel James in November. >

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Fri, 09-10-2010 - 10:20am

Thanks to everyone for supporting me. There are so many responses that I decided to just respond to everyone at once.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2004
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 3:17pm

Hi, Geneva.

Just wanted to lend my support. I too suffered one early one, followed by my 2nd son, then a second, later, more traumatic one. I'm now 30 weeks with my third, and I used progesterone. It made my 1st trimester kinda miserable (lots of nausea), but it gave me peace of mind and my doctor took a "can't hurt, might help" approach. I now have a midwife (didn't get one until I was sure this one was going to stick). I treated early pregnancy as a medical issue, so saw my GP and later started treating it as a non-medical, natural process and went with the midwife. I plan to deliver with her in hospital.

All of what you are feeling is perfectly acceptable, and normal as hell. Don't downplay your grief and fear, but try not to let it overwhelm you either (I know... easier said than done!). I found getting right back up on the horse helpful, as it gave me a goal and something new to think about and pin my hopes on. I also tried to be realistic in knowing that I could experience yet another loss, so to me it was worth getting started and getting it over with so I could try again (and again, and again?!) if need be. Thankfully, I was lucky on my second month of trying this time and things have gone well.

Good luck in your journey. It's no fun... but you're not alone.

MamaMedbh

Pregnancy%20ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 8:59pm
Thank you for this! It's really reassuring on some levels, but I'm still concerned because I'm not sure if I'm going to actually use progesterone. I've been supplementing B vitamins and vitamin C to try to raise my progesterone naturally. I was wondering...do you/did you chart? My temperatures are always unusually low. I have a temp shift, but I start out pre-ovulation in the 96s and end post O in the low 98s if even. In my most recent pregnancy I continued to chart, and my temps never cleared 98.3. I'm wondering if this is just something with me or a clue-in about low progesterone. My doctor didn't seem to think my progesterone was low because I have a child. She thought both my miscarriages were chromosomal. Sorry if I completely lost you with all of the charting stuff. I was just hoping you or any lurkers would have an answer for me. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope I will join you soon!

Geneva



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