Just need an outlet

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2011
Just need an outlet
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 1:50am

My husband and I weren't TTC, but we weren't preventing it either. We figured if it happens, it happens; if it doesn't it doesn't. We're both in our 30's...I'll be 31 next week and he just turned 38. Neither one of us ever thought we'd get married, let alone have kids. But then we met each other, and 3 years later here we are still perfect for each other.

A week and a half ago I peed on a stick and it was positive. Out of 6 daughters and a very close group of girls that have been friends for over 2 decades, I'm the only one that's childless; so I've been through almost everything you can imagine when it comes to pregnancy (without actually being pregnant). So it didn't worry me too much when I started spotting on the morning of my first Dr's appointment. The Dr didn't seem to be worried either. By the end of the evening I had miscarried. My husband took it harder than I thought he would. It's the only time I've ever seen a tear almost come to his eye. He's a hardened Marine, it's one of the reasons I love him so much.

I'm more hurt for my husband than I am for myself or the loss itself. He must have really got into the idea of being a father because he wants to actually try now. We never told anyone we were pregnant, never said anything about the miscarriage either. I don't want the constant inevitable questions from the people in my life, but I had to tell someone. Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2010
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 7:58am

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think it can be harder when it's unplanned because you make such big adjustments in your mind of what your future now holds and then when the pg is over you have to undo them.

It's great that you feel you want to try for another baby, but make sure you take the time to heal both physically and emotionally first. This board is great for any support you need along the journey so feel free to visit it as little or as often as you need and if you have any questions there's always some who has BTDT! *hugs*

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 8:38am
(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry for your loss! It's amazing how hard men can take losses like that. I never saw my husband cry the way he did over our first loss. You definitely do shift your thinking when you become pregnant, whether it was planned or not, because you're making a spot in your heart for that little one and then that spot remains unfilled. I hope that you and your husband can get pg again really soon and you'll have your forever baby. :) Until then, definitely do join us. We all know the pain and will listen whenever you need to talk or vent, because it always seems that unless someone else has been through a miscarriage, they just can't "get it" when you're sad or upset.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-1999
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 5:20pm
Hi Nicki,

I am so sorry for your loss, chica. :( (((HUGS)))

This last m/c caused my husband to also really want to have a kid (he's always been a little laid back about it previously). I think what Leila said is right on... it's great to want to try again, just make sure that you are both emotionally and physically ready to do so. I hope that you stick around and get the chance to know the ladies on the board... if you have any questions, need to vent, want to know about different methods of TTC, this is the place to be.

I hope your stay here is short and that you get your bfp very soon. ((HUGS)).




iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2011
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 3:29am
i'm really sorry for your loss, as well as everyone else on this board. it took a little longer for it to sink in to my boyfriend after my miscarriage. It hit me hard first, then it started affecting him within the next couple of days, and now it's months later and he doesn't really talk about it, and I don't have anyone to talk about it with since I don't have many female friends. we are TTC again but sometimes its nice to have some support from people who understand the pain and the loss. for what it's worth, im here if any of you need an outlet
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2007
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 2:15pm
I'm so sorry for your loss - it hurts and is a loss whether you planned it or not. I am glad you found our board - it's a wonderful group of supportive women.

Kelly, mom to 4 year old Lexi, wife to Rob TTC Number 2 since April 2010, with a loss in June 2010 at 4.5 weeks, and a loss in April 2011 at 8 weeks (possibly ectopic). Saw the RE in May 2011, we were moving forward with testing and an IUI when we