Looking for words of inspiration

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
Looking for words of inspiration
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 4:25pm

My hubby and I are still trying to get over our miscarriage that happened two weeks ago. Easter was an especially difficult day for us because that was the day we were planning on telling our families that we were pregnant, but instead I found myself crying in the bathroom. I'm trying so hard to get over this loss and to try to move on, but I find

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 4:50pm
****Child Mentioned****

I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you had to join us! While it isn't QUITE the same, since we had told our families about our pg, but we went in for our 12 week appointment (brought my 7 year old daughter, at the time, with us and everything). We were going to announce it to the world that we were pg after we had that appointment to hear the heartbeat. Unfortunately, we, and our daughter got to experience the harsh realities of pregnancy loss (DH and I for the 2nd time, DD experienced it for the first time). No heartbeat was found, so they sent us for an u/s and there was our baby - not moving, no heartbeat. It was heart-breaking and gut-wrenching...and then my miscarriage itself was horrible.

But, I am OK now. I'm still sad. It's been a year since we first found out we were pg. It'll be a year since our loss in June. I will say that my 1st loss was much harder to move on from because I didn't involve myself in other things. I sat at home and cried and screamed and threw things and hit things. My 2nd miscarriage, I threw myself into a horribly busy schedule of running here, running there, getting involved in SO much. It helped me get through the sadness better (although I still don't know if I grieved properly).

But, I will say that one thing that helped me through my first loss was coming to iVillage and finding the support of fantastic women who had been through a loss, too. One of those wise women told me back then that you will start out having all bad/sad days. As time goes on, you will notice that you'll occasionally have a not-so-bad day thrown into the mix. You might still have more bad/sad days than good days. But, then eventually you will have about an equal number of bad/sad days and good days and then you will transition to having more good days than sad/bad ones.

As for being afraid of having another miscarriage...we are ALL fearful of that. I don't think that fear will go away. But, I think the thing that keeps us going is that we want that baby bad enough that despite the fear of another loss, we still want to keep trying for that little one.

We also often feel bitter, angry, resentful, etc about other people's pg news. It's normal. My SIL announced her 2nd pregnancy not long after my miscarriage. She was TTC her 1st when we were TTC and now she's ready to deliver her 2nd child and I haven't even had one successful pregnancy in all that time. I was VERY angry and bitter about her pregnancy and still have those jealous feelings (although they have subsided considerably).

Join in with us here and I hope that you're back on the TTC wagon really soon! It does help to have people who can relate to what you're going through. Sometimes IRL people just don't "get it". I hope that we can help you through your journey!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 11:58pm
I agree with everything the pp said. 2nd loss was easier to handle than the 1st, because I knew how to take care of myself and kept myself busy (manicures, working out, threw myself into work).
At first, you think about it every minute. Then maybe once an hour. Soon its no more than once a day, and it becomes easier to think about. Really feeling it is okay, just don't lose yourself in grief. And try again when you are ready, don't feel the need to rush the process (that last bit I really struggle with myself).
Lean on us, too. This board is a beacon of hope some nights...


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2008
Tue, 04-26-2011 - 9:15am

I am so so sorry for your loss!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
Tue, 04-26-2011 - 9:38am

Thank you so much for your kind words. I know time will help heal our pain and it really does help being able to talk about this with other women who have gone through a similar experience. I pray for all of us and that we will all have happy, healthy babies one day soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008
Tue, 04-26-2011 - 11:15am

Welcome to the board, I am so sorry for your loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Wed, 04-27-2011 - 1:29am
@sonypony I felt the same way after my 2nd miscarriage. Every now & then it sneaks up on me & I have a good cry, but it was almost like the first one put it into the range of possible outcomes, so it was less surprising when it happened again. Still hard, but easier than first time around.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2011
Wed, 04-27-2011 - 2:02pm

I am so sorry for your loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2010
Wed, 04-27-2011 - 8:13pm

I am so sorry for your loss, it is the most difficult experience I have ever gone through but I did get through to the other side, the only thing that truly helps is time, and being able to talk about it with women that truly understand, that is why this board will help so much.

 Me and girls xmas 09
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Thu, 04-28-2011 - 11:29am
I'm sorry for your loss. The first year of holidays was super hard for me too. I too was scared about another m/c, but found that when I m/c my second pregnancy it really was much easier than the first.

You've found a great group of very supportive women. I hope you'll get all the support you need and that your stay here is short.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-1999
Fri, 04-29-2011 - 9:36pm
I'm so sorry for your loss (((HUGS))). I pretty much lost my mind with my first miscarriage. It's so easy to let that grief take over.

It is completely normal to have those feelings of anger, sadness, disappointment, jealousy, anxiety and more. After my first m/c I was absolutely petrified of ever getting pregnant again because I was so afraid of what would happen if I m/c again. But I still felt incomplete, so those feelings of anxiety and incompleteness pulled me in different directions.

Take the time to grieve. Take the time to figure out what YOU need to do for YOU. Some women start TTC 2 weeks after their m/cs, others need to wait a few months (not necessarily physically, but mentally and emotionally).

Your hubby may not grieve the same way that you do, so be prepared for him to not necessarily understand where you are in your grieving process. Let him know when you need that extra hug or to be left alone for a little bit. Some women keep a piece of jewelry or art to remember their angel babies by, so that my help too.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss, but I am glad you found this board. The women here are very supportive, and very knowledgeable. If you have questions, ask. If you need to vent, vent. If you can't sleep and need to get your emotions out, post. It's okay. Eventually it will get better.

(((HUGS))) chica. I hope your stay here is short and that you get your BFP and little miracle sooner rather than later. :)