My first m/c

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2011
My first m/c
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 1:35pm

I am new here. I have been reading a lot of the messages on here trying to figure out where I belong.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 2:09pm

First off...please don't blame yourself..or your body! I am soooo sorry for your loss..and the experience you went through! You have found the right place! The women here are wonderful..supportive and can relate to your feelings! As far as how do you keep good spirits and not freak out in the 2 week wait...Im not sure I did....just know that this is a great group of women to express your thoughts and feelings and fears with!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 3:03pm

I am so very sorry for your loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2011
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 3:16pm
I am so very sorry for your loss. While I understand wanting to feel guilty please know that it was not your fault. Take care of yourself. (((hugs))) The ladies here are very sweet. You have come to the right place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2011
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 4:41pm

Thank you ladys so much. I am trying to figure out the road I am on. I am one of many that I know who has gone down this road before me but the path the other women took are not the path I want to go down.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2006
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 4:42pm

I am so very sorry for your loss and heartbroken for you. We all never thought we would be here so it is hard to swallow sometimes. You will find great support on this site and I think it is encouraging seeing others in our shoes get PG and have healthy babies. One day it will be us.......


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2006
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 6:18pm

Wow, what a sweet child, remembering his brother that way. I think that's amazing and commendable.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Please do know that this was not your fault at all, and it won't necessarily happen again. Sometimes these things just happen, and never repeat.

That said, I certainly understand the difficulty of letting go of your guilt and fear. It's something we all feel- the what if's both past and future. I think we all just have to kind of pull ourselves up and out of that, and try to not think about it too much or we'd never try again.

As for not going crazy during the 2WW, I think you're giving us too much credit. I know you're giving me too much, for sure! I wonder and worry the whole time. And I won't test until AF is late, as DH has said we're only trying one more time, and if we have a chemical pg he'll say that's it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 6:46pm

Welcome, you've found a great group of very supportive women.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 8:33pm
There's nothing else that I can say that hasn't already been said, but I am so very sorry for your loss :( Hugs!
Me: Amy Married to Dh since 2002 Mommy to Donovan, Quinten, Lainey, angel baby 02/11
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 8:17am
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your kids sound like my DD after we lost our baby last June. She made things to remember our little one and started writing a little book dedicated to him. When we put up a remembrance thing for our little guy, she had to hang up something she made, too. As gawdy as the little beaded thing is, I can't bring myself to take it down. It is HER remembrance of her little brother up in heaven. I can't take her item down unless I take our item down. So, it stays and if someone asks, then I'll just be honest. :) I think it's sweet that your oldest is making something for you to display and remember your little one. I'm sure it will bring you great comfort to see that and remember your sweet little one and it will also probably bring some happiness to your heart that your oldest made it.

As for how we keep our good spirits, I think that it's all a matter of "if we don't laugh, we're gonna cry" and to be completely honest, there are days that we DO cry and that's where this group of ladies comes around each of us who are crying and lifts us up. And, I'm with the others who have said that there is NOT calm waiting in the 2ww, unless you are not trying that particular month (and even then, I think there is still disappointment if we find that AF has arrived). :)

As for feeling like your body didn't protect your little one, that's just simply not true. You had nothing to do with it. Your body isn't going to just expel a baby that was healthy and implanted well. There are a whole host of reasons why a baby could be miscarried, but one of those reasons is NOT that you did something wrong. You did the best you could. Now, if you had taken medication that you knew would cause a miscarriage, then sure, you could blame yourself. But, knowing what you've told us, you didn't do anything of the sort and that you were trying your hardest to keep that baby safe and healthy, so you did NOTHING WRONG.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-1998
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 1:15pm
I'm so sorry. {{{{{HUGS}}}}} That must have been an awful experience. :( Please don't blame yourself. There's nothing you could've done to prevent it from happening.

I've had 3 losses in the past 14 months and it is hard to get past the fear of losing another one, but if the desire is stronger than your fear, you'll keep pushing on.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} again.