Not sure where I belong yet :-\

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2010
Not sure where I belong yet :-\
11
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 3:28pm

Hi Everyone,

I couldn't really find a place where I belong yet so I hope I can hang out here.

On our fist month TTC (for our first child) in July I got pregnant. At my 9 1/2 week mark, I found out the baby died at week 8. I just had a d&c last Thursday so really I can't even TTC yet. I just have so many questions. We're both 30 , and I was the one who wanted to wait this long to have kids. Now I feel like I just screwed myself. I don't know if that makes sense.

All I want now is to feel normal. I still have spotting and each day (heck, each hour) I look to check and see if its stopped for good. No luck yet. Can I ask how long this takes? I read you need 20 days of no bleeding before you can consider bleeding a period...does that sound right?

I'm sorry this is so long. I hate that this affects so many people. But I am glad that I will have some people to talk to that have gone through this, I don't know anyone. And especially since I was trying for our first... I just hope this only happens once..

~Maddie
TTC #1 BFP #1 8/4/10....Missed m/c at 9 1/2 wks, d&c BFP #2.on 2/2/11....Due date 10/14/11 - Hoping for my miracle!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2006
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 4:49pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I too had a MC (ectopic) in July and it would have been our first child. I am 35 and I also wish we started ttc much sooner than we did. We have been trying since 2006 so it has been a long haul. Since I had an ectopic, I didn't have a D&C so not sure what is normal after that. I had the MTX shot to dissolve things which caused extreme cramping and intense bleeding. I bled for 46 days straight from first spotting to first AF after MC. I think the bleeding was more than others get.

Hugs. I also have to wait after my ectopic to try again. I will be able to start after my next AF in October.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2010
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 8:39pm

Maddie,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I, too, had a D&C last Thursday. I don't know how long the spotting is supposed to last. I've been spotting off & on. I know how isolating it feels. It's almost like talking about miscarriage is taboo. You've found a wonderfully supportive place. I do hope your stay here is short. {{hugs}}

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 8:41pm

Welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2006
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 10:45pm
Hi...I had my d&c 3 weeks ago and I spotted for almost 2 weeks...now I'm waiting for AF to show up. My doc said to wait to try to get pregnant until after I had two periods. I'm anxious to start trying again...not sure if I'll wait that long...though part of me is afraid to get pregnant again. Anyway, Im sorry that anyone has to go through any of this,but its so good to have people to talk to that understand what its like. Hopefully within thenext week you'll start feeling normal (physically at least).
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2010
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 9:04am
Thank you everyone for responding and telling me your stories also. I was also told to just have one period and then it is oK to try again. That is what my husband wants to do, I have to see what I feel like when I get to that point. Point of me thinks maybe it's best to wait but I don't know why. I probably will wind up hanging out here fora while.

~Maddie

TTC #1 BFP #1 8/4/10....Missed m/c at 9 1/2 wks, d&c BFP #2.on 2/2/11....Due date 10/14/11 - Hoping for my miracle!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 2:38pm

First of all, Im so sorry for your loss. OF COURSE you are welcome here - anyone who's pregnancy ended too early is 100% invited to our pity-party club. I know it doesnt help to know that there are so many other people who have suffered pregnancy losses, but it is comforting to know that you arent alone in your situation. We are all here to help support each other through the TTC process. It sounds like there was a long time between the point your baby stopped growing and the day you had a D&C. That must have been really, really difficult to go through. I hope you are finding healthy ways to deal with the grief and all the other strong emotions that come at you during this time.

Secondly, please dont feel guilty or blame yourself for somehow causing this. You did nothing to cause a miscarriage, and there was also nothing you could have done to prevent it. And the fact that you waited a few years to have kids is not the issue. Being thirty doesnt make you "old", so dont even think like that! :)

Personally I have never heard the "20 days of no bleeding" rule. That sounds like a loooong time to wait. And honestly, it doesnt sound like it has any scientific merit. Lots of women have spotting or breakthrough bleeding before their actual period starts, and your cycles can be kind of wacky in the first couple months following a pregnancy loss. However, I can tell you that once your HCG levels are below 5 again, then you should get your period about 2 weeks later. It typically takes 4-6 weeks for your period to return after a pregnancy loss/D&C.

If you have more questions, please ask.
And dont be embarrassed - we were all once newbies here, too!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2010
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 6:58pm

Hi,

Thank you so much for your reply. It took me a few days to get back on here to reply so I apologize . I am still so unsure of what to expect after this D&C. I think my spotting finally stopped today. This Thursday will be two weeks after the surgery. So I guess my question is, I should probably expect my period 2-4 weeks from this Thursday?

I guess my biggest fear is that I won't know when it's going to start. We are not attempting to get p/g at all this cycle..quite frankly I've been too scared to even DTD yet, I didn't want to cause any more bleeding or spotting.

~Maddie
TTC #1 BFP #1 8/4/10....Missed m/c at 9 1/2 wks, d&c BFP #2.on 2/2/11....Due date 10/14/11 - Hoping for my miracle!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 8:27pm

Maddie,

Yes, I would guess that your period would come about 2-4 weeks from Thursday.... but it might be a little longer than that, especially if your hormone levels dont drop off right away, or if you tend to have longer-than-normal cycles (28 days is considered average). It is really hard to tell exactly when your period will show up after a miscarriage/D&C, because it all depends on the way your body handles this loss. For many women it can take 1-3 cycles for their body to get back into its normal, natural rhythm. SO dont be surprised if you see some differences in your cycle over the next few months.

As long as you have finished bleeding, medically it is safe to have sex again. But I know that for me personally, after a loss it is very hard to get back into being intimate, because it brings up so much of the pain and loss - I mean, DTD is what got you there in the first place, KWIM? So if you dont feel ready yet, dont sweat it. It means that you are normal :) And hopefully your partner will be sympathetic and understanding about it too.

Please ask if you have more questions.
We are happy to share what we know, our opinions and experiences. After all, that's what this place is all about.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 8:43pm

Maddie,



I think you belong here. I'm 33,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Tue, 09-28-2010 - 10:28am

I am so sorry for your loss.

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