Scared about trying again when not over previous losses

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2011
Scared about trying again when not over previous losses
Thu, 02-10-2011 - 7:33am

Hi all,

This is my first post on anything like this so not really sure where to start but pretty sure it will help to talk to people who have been through/are going through the same thing - I don't know the abbreviations either so bear with me.

I have had 2 MC, one in Dec 09 and one June 10, the second one hit harder and I just threw myself into work to try and get passed it, but since then it's like something is missing in me, I've always been a very strong, independent and strong person who can just get on with things when things go wrong - I know thats not always the way to cope but it's worked for me for anything else.

Since the second mc I have avoided all talk - or thought -of babies, pregnancy or anything related to that. If I came into direct contact with anything related I would get sad and teary, sometimes hysterically - one of my best friends recently told me she was pregnant and I can't even speak to her now - and this is 7 months on - I don't want it to be like that. I'm generally much more sensitive then I used to be and get upset about things that would never have affected me before.

We had tests and apparently there is nothing wrong and we've just been unlucky (which I know should put us in a good position and we are luckier than others in our situation) but now we are ttc again and I feel that if everything works out ok this time then I will be ok, but if it doesn't .. I don't know how I will react to it when I don't really feel that I have dealt properly with whats happened before.

My mum and husband feel that I should talk to someone - especially as we are ttc again - but I don't know who to talk to, is anyone going through/has gone through the same thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2006

First off, I want to say I'm so very sorry for your losses. It's impossible for anyone who's not had a loss to understand how it makes you feel, so I'm glad you found our board. It really makes a big difference when you have women who've experienced losses to "talk to" about everything. Before I came here I felt very alone, and I was "lucky" in that I have a friend IRL who has not only experienced several losses herself, but is willing to talk about it. So, welcome to the board.

We all know the fear that comes with TTCaM. The feeling that if it happens again, we'll just lose it. That we don't know if we're strong enough to try again and face another loss. That somehow there's something missing in our lives, and that it's our angel(s).

That's why we're here. This group of women will laugh with you, cry with you, and celebrate with you. We are here to give you advice, or just a shoulder to cry on. Something about having a group of women to talk to- women who know where you're coming from- is...freeing. Even if you don't post often, it makes things just a little bit easier.

There are women on here who are more knowledgable about fertility, testing, treatments, etc. than many OB's! If I were you I'd use them as a terrrific resource (and I do :smileyhappy:).

There are women on here who've experienced many losses, and keep on going. I don't really know how, but they do. They are inspirational.

Whatever you're looking for, chances are there's someone on here who knows how to get it. Please come back and visit us frequently.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2011
Hello, I'm so sorry for your losses :(. I just joined last night & wanted to let you know I already feel 100% better. I'm not in the exact same situation as you but have suffered a loss & trying to get back on the boat to try again. It is very hard to go along after a loss like nothing happened, things that didn't make you emotional before will definately effect you now. It's all like a whirlwind crashing down on you. You definately need ppl to talk to that can relate. It's an abundance of weight lifted off your shoulder. My husband & his family are very supportive but it doesn't make me feel any better, sometimes they just can't understand what I'm feeling. Welcome & good luck on your journey!
Lilypie Trying to Conceive 21 to 37 day cycle tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008

Hi, welcome to the board.

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008

(((HUGS))) I'm so very sorry about your losses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
Hi, I'm sorry for your losses. There are many women here who have those same "ill" feelings. I am sure they are completely normal. You've found a great group of women who know how you're feeling. I hope you'll find the support you need here, I know I have, some of these women feel like sisters.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2011

First off, welcome and so sorry you are finding yourself in this forum.