A very old member coming back to share inspiration....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2011
A very old member coming back to share inspiration....
25
Wed, 04-27-2011 - 10:52pm

Hey There!

My name is Andrea. I lived on these boards from 2001 to 2005.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010

Oh, boy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006

Thank you, Julia!

I might be Christian, but even I was a bit upset by this unsolicited post of support. It's wonderful that this woman eventually got what she was praying for, but I can't imagine that her answer to prayer is going to result in the same ending to my answer to prayer.

I personally believe that God's plan and my plan don't always line up, but for someone to come and say that if I pray hard enough or wait long enough, eventually I'll get that baby I have been wanting. Maybe, after over 3 years of TTC, that baby isn't meant to be. I've tried the doctor/pharmaceutical company made fertility meds. Sure, I didn't try them all, but I gave it a shot and it didn't work for me. Something tells me that if it was going to work, it would have worked when I was on them.

Thanks for posting your thoughts, Julia. I didn't know exactly how to approach a response to that message, so I ignored it initially (especially since I didn't know if this woman had posted here on TTCAM and was well-loved at the time?). But, then it struck me that she never put anything about WHICH board(s) she was a part of on iVillage - she just said she was a long-ago member of iVillage. I'm a long-time member of iVillage, too, but I don't go around to other boards telling other people what God's plan is for their lives. I could be equally hurtful and go to all the EC boards and tell those women that having been on iVillage for many years and that I'm Christian and I think that all the women there who are newly pregnant should wait until they are 12-15 weeks pregnant before telling ANYONE because God's will in MY life was that I would have miscarriages - one at 10 weeks and one at 12 weeks, so because it happened to me, it most likely will happen to them. That would be rude, uncalled for, and mostly likely untrue.

I guess I personally believe that I don't need to share my own experiences and tell others that they will have the same experiences in life as me if they decide to share my faith. I just hope that my faith will show through in what I say and do to help others through their grieving process and their healing process. We're human. Life's not fair. Life sucks sometimes, whether you are Christian or not Christian. Our world is filled with bad things. Sometimes bad things happen. I guess it's all in how we face those troubled times and treat others who are going through similar troubles that matters. Not how much we can preach to others. If I want a sermon, I'll go to church.

Photobucket Visit my Blog with
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2010

Sighs....Its CD1.....Thanks a lot......

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2010
I'm definitely not trying to argue with everyone. I first became a member of this board in 1999. I have been here on and off ever since. This used to be a place where "old members" could come back and offer their story of hope and it was ok. Do I personally like to hear them? It does not matter in the slightest what I like to hear. Do I personally like to hear about "God's plan"? It does not matter in the slightest what I think about God's plan. What matters is that this is a support board. What will support one will not necessarily support another one. That's life, we're all different. If I do not want to read someone's happy ending while I'm trying desperately and have been for over 12 years, then I can simply skip past that post. There is nothing written that says that we have to read and respond to every single post. There is nothing written that says we have to like every single post either. What is written is "A gentle reminder to our pregnant friends: Please remember how painful it can be to see references to pregnancy. Your messages of support are welcomed, but we remind you to remove pregnancy tickers or signature updates before posting and to reserve your pregnancy updates to PAL". There is nothing that says that anyone should be discouraged from trying to support someone. While it may not be you, and it may not be me, I would be willing to bet that a message like this would completely benefit someone here, and isn't that what this board is for?

I have seen others come back to offer hope and over the past year, every single person who comes to share their story of hope and encouragement has been negatively received. I think that is just wrong. Like I said, if we don't agree with someone's "hope" post, just don't read it.

No need to a negative voice, we're all just looking for the support of others. Support, not discouragement.


Powered by CGISpy.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008

Hi, Andrea!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2010

I came to write a you're right Torie message, but I just can't.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010

Hey Torie - There's not much that you said that I can disagree with. You're absolutely right: maybe a message like that would come off as being totally inspirational for somebody else. My big "however," I guess is in how I define supportive. I don't see the drive-by "it happened for me and will absolutely happen for you, too, if you just X, Y, Z like I did . . . " as in any way being supportive. Seems that in order to be a supportive voice, one actually needs to be a member of the board community and actually participate. I've never seen a woman who's graduated from these boards and then years + later come back to tell us all how great everything turned out actually take the time to hang around and respond to ANY of the other messages here. (And no, I'm not talking about our PAL grads who generously bounce back and forth between PAL and TTCAM . . . I'm talking explicitly about the out-of-the-blue drive-by posters.) Could it be that I or someone else scared them away? Maybe. But I seriously doubt that after years of being gone (some of them were never members of this board in the first place . . . just women who once upon a time had a miscarriage [or several] and later stumbled on this board after successful subsequent pregnancies) and then doing a board drive-by, that any of these women ever intend to stick around and be a support. And that's perfectly fine . . . why would they if they're not TTC and have a family of their own and likely other work-related responsibilities? That's totally fine that they don't stay. Guess I'm just one who finds the drive-by's obnoxious, and am not shy at all in replying in an obnoxious fashion myself -- especially when the original writers offhandedly admit, themselves, how annoying they used to find such "inspirational messages" of "support."

Tee - Thanks for the backup and for sharing your own thoughts as a long-time TTCer as well as a person of faith.

Avatar for dani_d
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-1998
Very well said, Torie.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2008

I am a ttc grad who does fly by posting as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010

1.

Pages