Angry w/ my Sister

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Angry w/ my Sister
3
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 2:25am
Hello. Ealier this month I suffered my first m/c. DH and I had been trying for over a year to get pregnant. I was diagnosed with PCOS and in order to conceive was put on Metformin- a drug commonly used for Diabetes. After months on the medication, I finally got pregnant, only to miscarry at 11 weeks. (Due to the PCOS, my chance of m/c is 45-50%)

I turned to my sister for support b/c I"m not sure how I feel about ttc again. The meds made me so sick every single day I took them. And I took them for about 5 months! I was miserable. It was to the point where I wouldn't leave the house for the hour or so after I took them b/c I knew I"d have to run to the bathroom! Her reaction to my request for help made me so mad!!! She told me about her m/c several months ago which helped, and then proceeded to tell me she was frustrated and upset b/c she didn't get pregnant on the first cycle she was allowed to ttc after her m/c. (Apparently w/ all of her other pregnancies, she got pg on the first try.) She said when she got her period after the 2ww it was like the m/c all over again.

Hello?? It took me a year to get pg (and only then after taking that horrible medication), and then I have to deal with a 50% chance of m/c for each and every pregnancy if I manage to get pg. She has beautiful children already, and I can't even have one child! The doctor originally gave me the go ahead to ttc after first AF, but once he talked to me about how I was emotionally, he suggested waiting at least a year.

I just wish she'd look at the big picture. Waiting a few months for a BFP is nothing- she has nothing to complain about!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 3:02am
Hello -

I'm sorry for your recent m/c and everything that you're going through right now. We've had 3 m/c in the last year, and although nobody in our circle of friends or family has suffered through the same experience, we've learned that everyone wants to/tries to relate on some level. So that means that I've had to listen to stories about so-and-so's aunt who had a m/c, and my friend who thought she had a m/c because she was a couple weeks late and had a heavy cycle, and even my Dad had to tell me about someone he knew years ago that also had 3 or 4 m/c but then ended up having healthy children.

ANYWAYS - there are not going to be very many people in your real life that will be able to understand what you're going through. Maybe your sister was honestly trying to find a common ground with your experience in order to lend more support. I've learned to try to read people's intentions when they offer sympathy, instead of what they actually say.

Just yesterday I went to my chiropractor for the first time since the m/c, and he was naturally surprised that I wasn't pregnant. Then he went on to ask "Are you relieved or had you been trying?" Then even after I started to cry, he went on for the next 10 minutes about his wife having 2 m/c and they found out that they had some blood problem - yada yada yada - he just had a MAJOR case of foot-in-mouth disease! When I got home my husband asked "Why didn't you just tell him that you didn't want to talk about it?". I simply hadn't thought of that! I knew he was trying to be comforting and it wasn't his intention to be so insensitive - I guess I'm just to easy. But I do appreciate his sincere efforts and am going to tell him so next time.

Take care - Rebecca

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 5:51am
Sometimes family don't know what to do, We have being ttc for seven years, got pregnant after the 3rd cycle of clomid but had an early m/c on 26.06.04.

I spoke to my only sister about my fears, and plans (possibly IVF in the future) and she told me that she didn't agree with IVF and sometimes people weren't meant to have children. She has two boys and then tells me that there are days she wants to hand them back. She then proceeds to offer to be a surrogate for me (There is nothing wrong with my eggs once they get out of my ovaries - i have pcos)

I don't understand how she can say that she doesn't agree with IVF something natural about DH sperm and my egg, and agrees with her egg and DH sperm (Would she be an Aunt or a mother) she already tries to control me.

Sorry for the vant but there is no-one else would can understand

We are starting 150mg clomid next cycle and hcg injection - so fingers crossed

Thanks

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 8:48am
I'm sorry about your loss and how much your sister's comments hurt you. I truly believe she was trying to comfort you. Sometimes we have to overlook their comments and focus on their intentions instead.

GL!

Stacy