Aunt Flo's Dear John Letter
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|Tue, 06-01-2004 - 3:57pm|
It is hard to write this letter. We've been close for so many years, shared so many intimate moments and there have been many times in my life when I have rejoiced at your arrival. In good times and in bad, you have been there to remind me to listen to my body and sometimes to remind me to take time to rest, relax and take care of myself. You have even shown me the benefit of better living through chemistry. Knowing you were just around the corner taught me the value of planning, of making sure I always had what I needed to make you comfortable and gave me a way to bond with other women. You have been a valuable member of the family and I want you to know that I appreciate all you have done for me.
However, the time has come for us to part ways, if only temporarily. Your regular visits at my house have become stressful for my husband and I and it is leading to problems in our marriage. The stress of wondering about your arrival is driving me nuts. You have gotten away from your regularly scheduled visits and seem to think you can drop in and stay anytime for as long as you like. That is not good manners, Aunt Flo. I can no longer willingly allow you in my house. I've been giving you subtle hints for the past few months (did you notice the immense amount of peeing on a stick that has been happening?) but you seem to be oblivious. I must instead make myself clear. Aunt Flo, please go away and give me a rest for a while. There are lots of teenage girls who anxiously await your arrival every month. Please go make them happy with your visit and your helpful manner will help them relax about that one night stand they had a few weeks ago.
In nine months, when things have calmed down in our household and we have had time for a new arrival, I would be glad to have you visit again. I'm not asking for you to leave permanently, but I think it is best for both of us if you would just take a break for a while. It's really not you, it's me. I need time to myself for a while, time away from alcohol and prescription drugs, time to put my feet up while not having to serve you. When we meet again in the future, I'm sure our relationship will be better and I know we will share many other wonderful moments before you disappear into the sunset. Hopefully, next time we meet I will even have a new member of the family to show you!
Thanks for understanding. You are going to make some teenager very happy today!
your niece, Angie