Battle of the Sexes... READ THIS!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Battle of the Sexes... READ THIS!!!
2
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 9:54pm


Oooh boy!! Men think women are confusing???? How can that be?? WE are the ones who wear our emotions on our sleeves!! How on earth can THAT be confusing??? lol I was just reading some posts about DH's and TTC, and like many who posted, my husband is also on the "it will happen when it happens, you're just using me" bandwagon. In fact, this lead to a lengthy conversation between the two of us about ttc, bd'ing, la la la. First of all, I think its important we recognize the huge difference between us, the women who carried and lost our babies, and the men, who only knew of the IDEA of a baby. Apparently, this makes a huge difference between how we react to our losses. And its a womans biological clock that ticks, not a man's! Sure they want to have babies, but I don't think they want them in the same way we do. Not less, just not in the same way. I also have learned from my DH that lovemaking is just that... we communicate our feelings verbally, where a man communicates them physically. Imagine when you are trying to talk to your husband, and in the middle of your sentence, he cuts you off with, "can we hurry this up? I have a game to watch." I know that just sets me on fire!! So now imagine you and dh in the middle of what appears to him to be a hot n heavy bd session, and all of a sudden you say "honey, can you hurry this up? I don't want to miss our window." Ouch!! I understood my dh's reasons for feeling a little "put-off" by my attempts! I now make a very conscious effort to be a little more aware of his feelings concerning bd, and in turn I find he is much more willing to listen to me talk about babies, O'ing, and things of that nature. And we "do it" regardless of whether its O time or not, so he knows I'm bd'ing with HIM, not an idea......

This is just my 2 cents, ladies, but I hear so much that in the time that follows such tragedies, i.e., losing children at any stage or age, can make or break a marriage or relationship. We are all on an emotional rollercoaster, miscarriage, AF arrives, O'ing, POAS's, BFN'S!!! BFP'S!!!! The neverending wait for the dream to come true, the fear of losing it again, we all know the heartbreak...... But our husbands are here, they aren't an idea, they are a given, and we can't forget them in our own pain and quests to regain what we all wanted soooo badly.....



Trischa


Edited 8/2/2004 12:17 am ET ET by wouldbelibra

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 4:26pm
That was well said Trischa, your last paragraph struck a chord.

TTC sure does place a lot of pressure on a relationshp!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 2:20pm


I'm really glad you took the time to read my post..... Its an important issue to me, I just want to spread the word! Women, as perfect as we are (lol), have a tendency to forget that men have feelings, they just don't communicate them the same, its easy for us to forget and then take for granted that they are affected by things. Good luck this cycle!!

Trischa