First therapy appointment

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
First therapy appointment
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 3:56pm

Eh it went okay. Jury’s still out. I don’t hate her, I don’t love her.

I’m not confident this will work but I’m not confident it won’t so it’s worth another visit.

On the good side though (relatively speaking) she had an ectopic pg with a baby her and her husband were TTC before her daughter, her ONLY child, was born. So I feel like at least she can understand how I’m feeling about both the losses and being the mother of an only child.

I guess my only criticism would be that I feel like I am talking to a friend over coffee. I know that sounds like a good thing and it could be but with my other dr – the one that I really liked, I could tell from the get go that he knew exactly what he was talking about and I was sure he’d be able to help me. It’s almost like she didn’t say enough doctor-ry things LOL She didn’t ask me many questions. Just let me ramble.

I guess I am worried that this one is going to play more the role of someone “lending an empathetic ear” as opposed to a therapist that is going to dig in and figure out how to help me and I have plenty of that already KWIM? Like I said, the jury is out – we’ll see how the next visit goes. Maybe she is just getting her feet wet and letting me do the same.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-1998
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 4:01pm
It could be that she just wants to take time and just listen to you for a bit, to get a "feel" for you, per se. Then she may begin to give you some tools to help you cope and deal with your situation.

I really hope that it helps you. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2007
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 7:21pm

I know exactly how you feel about the process, Michelle. I went to therapists for a few years during and after college. It was very hard to find the right person. Every time I stopped and would go back (or the therapist would move or change practices), it would take me going to 3 or 4 different people before I found someone good again. The majority of people will just let you talk and not offer any tips for coping mechanisms, which is what I really wanted. I didn't need someone to just listen and I also didn't need someone to offer solution advice. I needed someone to teach me how to deal with my feelings so they're not as awful. I totally get it.

My advice is to not waste more than 3 visits with any one person. The first visit is often very telling and so if you feel that way next time, don't even take the third to decide. And don't feel bad about telling them you don't think it's going to work out. They're supposed to be working for you so it's not like you're breaking up with them or anything. Good luck finding someone who really gets you!! I hope you find the perfect person soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 7:52pm


Your first appointment sounds a lot like my first therapy appointment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2010
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 8:01pm

I agree with Katie. I'd give it one more go & if you still feel the same, find someone else. {{HUGS}}


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2010
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 8:38pm
I think the first session is always hard, so if after the next visit you don't feel it with her, then move on. You know what is best or you. I hope the next session is better for you!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 9:35pm
I agree with the other girls. I think the first appointment is for her to get to know you. If subsequent sessions are the same, then I would be concerned. I mean, you could talk to yourself in your bedroom for free.

But, you also have to remember that she has to get an idea about who you are and what you're going through (within your short session time) before she can even begin to offer some ideas or suggestions.

I do agree that if you really aren't feeling it with her (I think I might give it 3 sessions, unless I'm really, truly not clicking after the 2nd session, or she doesn't have any plans for the next time), move on and find someone else. I also don't think it would be out of line for you to ask her where this is going at the next session if you aren't sure that it's working.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 10:29pm

You know I think it's wonderful that you talked with someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2008
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 3:57am
Hi Michelle,

I'm glad the appointment went okay for you - it was never going to be fun, but you've done well to book it and turn up and have a chat.

When I went to a counseller for a non-TTC issue, the first session she just listened. The action started in the second session. But she did say "I'm not here to give advice, I'm here to help you figure things out for yourself".

If you're not happy with her professionally after the second session, could you seek a referral to someone else?

B, loving wife to L. Proud Mum to William Luke (22 months) and expecting Samuel James in November. >

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 8:36am

Thanks, girls. I definitely know what it’s like to see a therapist where I knew it wasn’t going to work. This is my first appt regarding dealing with my IF but it isn’t my first time in therapy. I had some serious post partum after DD was born and saw a therapist I really liked a lot but my insurance stopped covering him. Boo. I tried a couple others but really did not like them and kind of gave up. This is my first time back. Like I said, the jury is still out on her and I have no plans to stop seeing her after this one visit. I have learned as I get older and older, sometimes things turn out to be much different than they seemed at first glance. When I first met DH, I hated his guts and told him as much! I just knew I would never be able to like this guy and just wanted him to go AWAY! Well, I’m glad he didn’t :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2008
Sat, 03-12-2011 - 1:10pm

My therapist is the same way- chatting over coffee feeling, but as I've met with her more and more that has changed and sometimes she waits for me to take the lead on asking for her feedback, which I appreciate, because sometimes I just need to rant. I hope that she works out for you, but if she doesn't there are other therapists in the sea!