My head (and heart) hurts :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2010
My head (and heart) hurts :(
12
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 4:09pm

I have A LOT running through my mind so bear with me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 4:29pm

I feel like I have a LOT to offer here so now you have to bear with ME LOL

I have done and egg donation cycle which is exactly the same as IVF only the eggs get frozen or put into someone else (not me). I can tell you that the when I had my egg retrieval there WAS anthestic and I was put the HECK out. Just like surgery. No memory of falling asleep and an hour felt like 30 seconds. No recollection of anything that happened from when I went to sleep to when I woke up. Just something to think about if anthestic is a huge problem for you.

Ann’s meds will cost her a lot because her meds aren’t covered by insurance like yours are. You can’t compare her cost and yours. It’s like apples and oranges. I would definitely rely on what your RE’s office gives you as cost instead of comparing what they said to what other people are paying as the variables involved are plentiful.

The exact costs should be pretty easily given to you up front WITH THE EXCEPTION of your meds and monitoring (just like a timed intercourse/injectables cycle). They absolutely cannot tell you that in advance. They just don’t know how you’ll respond to the meds. Remember, it’s not like timed intercourse. They want more than a couple for IVF and you don’t have any experience with how much drugs you’ll need to get there. If you respond slowly and need more meds and more monitoring, that is going to cost more money. IVF is a leap of faith and you just have to accept it may cost a LOT of money. It’s just like gambling. If you can’t afford to flush that money down the toilet, you should not do IVF.

Finally, regarding leftover eggs. DONATE THEM!!

Then you wouldn’t be destroying them and you could help some poor woman who is longing for a baby and whose eggs are CRAP. She could never carry a child without donor eggs. Think if that was you, KWIM? God gives dr’s the gift of science for a reason. I can’t believe that he’d be against it knowing how it helps people and having given us the knowledge to it at all, does that make sense?

I know you may worry about how you'll feel about knowing your biological children are out there somewhere. I know I did. But after the procedure, I really did feel good about it. I helped free some sad woman from her TTC hell. A hell I know all too well.

Anyway, I hope some of this has helped.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2010
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 5:32pm

I don't have as much info as Michelle, just some opinions: IVF seems like a great idea and as Michelle said it's a gamble, great if it works, not so if it fails. If it does not cost much more than you are currently paying I would say go ahead and do it. But on the other hand if you get surgery for endo, that might be a permanent solution and you might not need any more help TTC. I guess surgery or IVF are both gambles since you don't know the outcome. I think I would do IVF cause it just seems like the next step, but that's just me, and I agree with Michelle, I would donate the eggs if you don't use them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2010
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 6:46pm

Michelle, I'm not as concerned with the anthesia for IVF because my issues begin the deeper I'm put under.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 6:56pm
Oh no no no - they don't freeze embryos. They freeze eggs. You dr is not going to fertilize more eggs than you and he decide you want to put back. All eggs that are fertilized are put back. The eggs that aren't used will be frozen. So if you and he said you'll out back two (that is normally the most they like to put back at one time) and you had 4 left, they would freeze the 4 left until either you were ready to use them or ready to say you are done having children and decide to donate them. To use an egg donor is VERY expensive so I guess I just assume that anyone willing to go through all that and pay THAT much money would really love that baby. The choice for me between giving my baby to a loving home or destroying it where it will never have ANY chance at life, is a very easy one.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2010
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 7:09pm

In that case I agree with you 1000%.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 7:22pm
Oh no, a frozen embryo IS a fertilized egg but I *think* most dr's typically only fertilize what they feel comfortable putting back. With that said, I have to admit that I am not extremely well versed in this subject so you can't count my words as gospel. For what it's worth, I wouldn't donate my frozen embryos if it were me. For some reason, that's so much different than a frozen egg alone. A fertilzed egg is OUR baby not MY egg KWIM? Heck I dunno LOL I probably just made things more confusing for you LOL You should post your questions on the IVF board. I bet they could answer them all for you and actually speak intelligently about it LOL
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 8:30pm
You are not too confusing Michelle and I agree with you one hundred percent on what you said.

Carmela, it is a lot to take in at first, but just digest as what you can and take it a day at a time. I think I would do exactly the same in your shoes.


~April, Mom to son Jory, 23 and boy/girl twins, Alex and Haley, 11






iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2010
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 8:44pm

Michelle, that's exactly what I thought regarding the frozen embryo: an egg I could donate but a fertilized egg had so much more significance to me as being a part of DH and myself.

And thank you, April, that is exactly what I must do: breathe and digest information.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Wed, 12-08-2010 - 11:09pm

Girl - you ready for some information? I just got back from my second opinion RE/IVF consult and I'm a wealth of knowledge right now... So your RE should know what their costs are going to be for their services up front (with the exception of the meds) But anyway - both provided me a sheet that lays out all the costs, all the monitoring so I know exactly what that portion will be - both had the exact same monitoring schedule so I am assuming that its the same for all IVF? One RE was $11K for monitoring, harvesting, and implantation of the embryos - the other was $9400 for the exact same level of service. They had the breakdown of the CPT codes that they bill to insurance so if I did have coverage I could call and talk to my insurance company to see exactly what my cost would be. Lucky you that you have decent IVF coverage - most people don't have any (like me). My unknown is meds and once again, lucky you, yours are covered - mine can be anywhere from $4 - 6K.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Thu, 12-09-2010 - 5:32am
Carmela, for what it's worth I totally get what you are saying about insurance. It works the same way with most insurance. For instance my dentist. They charge say $100 for a filling. If the insurance company says the industry average is $80 then that is the most they will pay and the dentist (per the agreement they made with the insurance company) agrees to eat the difference. I guess my disconnect is happening here; regardless of how much the RE has to write off based on what the insurance pays them, how would that effect the cost for you?

My 2nd concern is, if you don't the surgey for the endo - would that not hinder the chances for IVF to work at all? Implantation and such?
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