My sister thinks I need a shrink

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
My sister thinks I need a shrink
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 5:24pm
Has anyone else has someone told you this? Here's my story--I have a great DH and beautiful DD who is 8. I have always wanted at least three kids but it took me almost 5 years to talk DH into another baby (took lots of tears, ultimatums, and begging). I went off the pill in Dec. and got pg the first month. But there was no h/b at the first u/s. I was so devastated. I had the d/c and started TTC right away. But 7 weeks later, AF had not shown and BFN. So I took provera to get started. Okay, onto the next cycle. But its been 31 days and no AF and no BFP. So I'm back to waiting.

In the meantime, I have gotten really angry at everyone--my family, my body, other pg women, and especially God. It shouldn't be this hard!! Everyone around me is pregnant--teenagers, drug addicts, etc. Why can't I? I've suffered with depression all my life and currently take medicine to keep control. But I feel like that control is slipping. I don't recognize myself most of the time. It just hurts so much. Most of the time I can handle it and no one knows how I'm really feeling. But today is not one of those days.

I need some strengths, girls. I don't need a shrink---I need a baby :)


Avatar for dani_d
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-1998
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 5:43pm

Hi Stacy,

Looks like

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 6:38pm
Hi Stacey and Danielle -

I so know where both of you are coming from. This is extremely hard. I refuse to see one of DH's friends because we were due about the same time and I think it is so unfair that she was able to keep her baby and mine was so horribly ripped from inside me.

I picked up a good book (I feel like I'm preaching this book all the time) called Miscarriage, Women's stories from the Heart. It has helped me realize that my feelings are shared by strangers who've exprienced the same horrible loss. How we all feel is normal, and there is no set pattern/guidebook to them - nor is there a time limit on our grieving. There are certain chapters the authors feel that YOUR families/friends/healthcare professionals should read. I've copied some chapters and have sent those to my parents (don't know if they've read them or not).

Anyway - your grief is a normal part of healing and no one that has never been through this will understand. I do not understand why m/c isn't talked about - I was astonished to hear that 25% of diagnosed pregancies end in m/c. I think that if I had known that when I was pg, I might not have let myself get so excited so early on. We need to be more open about what has happened to us and educate the world that this can happen, it does happen, and teach people the right and wrong things to say to someone that has experienced a loss!

I'm off my soapbox now.... I hope I've helped!



~i~ 01/27/04

ttc2, c3, cd17

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 6:47pm
I love you, guys! It's nice to know that someone else understands how I feel. My family loves me but they don't know how to help me. They keep saying stupid things like "Just relax, it'll happen", "Its all part of God's plan", "Be thankful for what you've got already". I am thankful for what I've got--I adore my daughter. But everytime I look at her, I realize how badly I want more. And, Danielle, I know how you feel. Everywhere I go I see pregnant women. I just went to the grocery store and I swear it was a pregnant women's convention!!

I have more good days than bad now but the bad ones are really bad!! I just wish I could let go of the anger and sadness.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 6:56am
From what I have found out. People don't want to discuss it with you. They just feel that you should be fine. That it happened it is over and move on. Most of my family and friends don't really know how much the m/c hurt and tore me apart inside. I do have a DS but had always wanted lots of kids. My DH had a DD from previous marriage so I told him I would be happy with one more. It was taking alot of pushing to get him to agree to another child. He was being less careful about bc and I got pg again. I was so excited! He even seemed thrilled about pg. I made the mistake of telling everyone the week before the m/c. I wanted that baby so much and then to back to square one. DH has given in to having another baby and ttc. I am already 37 so I don't have all the time in the world.

I have spent alot of time cleaning to let off steam. To me if you keep busy then waiting time goes quicker and you don't sit and think all the time. These boards have been a saviour. Friends don't seem to understand but the women here do. Hang in there better days are ahead.