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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
PG PG PG PG PG PG ment....
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Fri, 07-23-2004 - 4:03pm

I would like to blow off some steam.

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 4:42pm


I know exactly what you mean... though I LOVE LOVE LOVE to see these gals' dreams come true, its hard not to wish it were me, too. It can be hard, but it gives me hope b/c I see that it CAN happen. But there are times its the last thing I want to read, second only to reading about grads who are once again miscarrying. Now THAT is hard..... Anyway, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone, and by no means wicked! Our day will come!

Take care and much good luck

Trischa

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 5:21pm
(((hugs))) to you Stephanie for your pain AND for being so honest.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 5:50pm
I know what you mean!!!

That's why I scroll past that section as quickly as possible becasue I feel so far from being able to relate!!!

I do love knowing I can "blow steam" here anytime I want, it is a comfort to know this is here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 6:53pm
Stephanie, its completely okay to feel the way you do. Its very frustrating for those of us who seem to be stuck on this board. I get that way sometimes. I'm happy for our girls who have gotten their BFP but sometimes, I just don't want to read any more about it.

I think the grad section serves a good purpose. But you're right. The rest of the board seems to be a pg board.

Stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 11:08pm
Hi Stephanie,

I agree completely with you - having said that, may I just say that I am only JUST pg (like 5 minutes LOL), and I'm not really sure where I belong. I am so scared of another m/c that I don't feel ready to graduate yet (I'm big on not jinxing myself). But I do try to be aware of other peoples' feelings and believe me, I am very aware of the pain that some ladies here are going through after m/c and ttc. My prayers and thoughts are constantly with them. If anything, my own m/c has taught me so much and I hope I am a bigger person now (but s%$t, did I really need that lesson?).

So, I am very careful about limiting my posts as responses to other people's questions and concerns at this stage. But I still hope to be accepted here for a little while yet!

Thank you for bringing this to our attention, sometimes a little "nudge" is needed.

Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 11:25pm
Stephanie,

As I understand it, you would like us grads to limit the posts we initiate about our pregnancies to the grad section. That seems totally fair and I understand why that would be of benefit. I attend a pregnancy loss support group and will only continue going while I am not showing because new women arrive each month and the last thing they want to see is an obviously pregnant woman that they do not know at a place they have come to learn how to heal. Each meeting there is a vent about seeing pregnant women everywhere!

I am a little unclear about whether our responses to those who have posted in another section that might reference our pregnant status through a ticker or automatic signature or in the form of providing information in our response contributes to a feeling of pregnancy everywhere? I know how painful this process is and I do not want to add to anyone's pain or frustration. I do not plan to leave the board and would simply like to be a supportive member. I have thought that referencing a pregnancy in a response can sometimes give hope. I know it gave it to me when I was on the rollercoaster each month. I liked hearing that I too have been on that ride and know your pain and know that you think it will never happen again, as I did, but it does and it can. I have only done this with those who have provided great support to me and who already knew I am pregnant. If this is insensitive of me, I will by all means stop. My intent was never to cause more pain to anyone on this board. We have been through enough already.

I think some of the other grads now wonder whether we can even reply to people at all or if we need to pretend we are not pregnant when we try to provide information or support, even though the person to whom we are responding already knows it.

Again, I understand and appreciate your vent. I know you understand why we hang around a little while after getting a faint BFP and I do not think you were telling us to leave the board altogether.

I am sorry if any of my posts caused you pain.

Julianne

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 11:54pm
First of all, big props to Steph for having the courage to say something that was troubling not only to her, but to others. Thank you for being brave and honest Steph, your point is right on the mark and is shared by many others even if they are not willing to say so. And I am really saddened to see that many people have chosen not to read the words carefully and have decided to take those miscontrued words so personally.

And also big honkin huge props to recent BFP'ers like Grace and Julianne for getting the point...it isn't about wanting the Grads to go away...they are a very important part of this board and give hope to everyone, especially the newbies.

What all this boils down to is respect. Respect for the board, and respect for the feelings of the women on this board who are trying to conceive after a miscarriage. And by having things such as tickers in places other than the grads section and posting your pg issues anywhere else other than the grads section is just insensitive to others, albeit, maybe just an etiquette issue for some, but hopefully the point has been made and is clear enough.

There are some wonderful examples of women who due to multiple losses, were afraid to leave the board. They made such close bonds with ladies here, that they stuck around throughout their pg's and supported the women here. You would never even know they were pg unless you knew their history or read an occasional update in the grads section. And for some of you that might just be your choice, and that is a wonderful choice to make. Showing continued support for a board that supported you to your BFP is selfless and commendable.

Once again, Steph, thank you for bringing this very important issue up, and I hope that it makes the board a better place for all the women here who are TTC after Miscarriage.


(((HUGS))))

Janet

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 12:07pm
Stephanie,

Just wanted to back Janet's post back to you. And, I thought Katie and Angie captured it well also, so I was surprised at the response back by a few of the grads. The initial level of hurt and offense from some grads was surprising, but my guess is most people (the pre-BFP AND post-BFPs) are sort of puzzled by what snowballed here and agree with what is respectful (Janet - great summation). It's easy to interpret malice in posts when none was intended. But, for me better to have things stirred up every now and then with some real discussions than have a strict observance of what is considered PC. And, I'm sure there are others, in addition to me, who are sneaking over to check out the PAL board to check on these women. A shame they don't have a 1st, 2nd, 3rd trimester sections on the PAL board so you could move through the sections together. Luckily, it doesn't seem so packed full of people like the March EC so you're easy to find!

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 10:56pm
Your intentions came across clear to me Steph. Sorry I missed this over the weekend. I would have offered you more support and cyber hugs.

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