RE visit today

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
RE visit today
14
Wed, 03-16-2011 - 6:43pm

Hi girls -

So just an update on my RE appt today. After my BFP and subsequent falling betas with my IVF, AF reared her ugly head last Thursday while on vaca - total bummer, but we knew she was coming so was prepared and tried to look on the bright side that some ladies have to wait weeks for AF to come after IVF protocols...

I went in knowing that he would suggest donor eggs and sure enough, that's what he wants us to do. Due to my age, the fact that I've now had two m/c (one at 12 weeks and a chemical) he said he can assume that it is my egg quality, or lack there of, that is causing this. Even if everything appears to come out "normal" as my baby was after testing and the embyro quality they put in on the IVF was top notch, an abnormal egg is just that, an abnormal egg that will not allow me to keep a pregnancy. Let me tell you, that is the most defeating feeling in the world - to be told that your "broken" and no matter what drugs he can give me, my body just won't respond as it should. He said if we would try IVF with my eggs again, he would guess that we would have the same result.

So now comes the "fun" part... In using donor eggs, there is so much more to think about than just saying great, I want to use a donor, want her to be blonde hair, blue eyed, normal build, not to tall, not to short and let's go to town. It's a process - we have to go to a licensed psychologist that the practice uses to be "cleared" prior to even beginning the process. Once cleared, we are put on the list and then wait our turn until we are matched by the clinic coordinator which can be two to three months. They will have a picture of me and pick a donor based on similar features and once they find that, they will present the donor candidate to DH and to consider. They will do a complete medical and mental work up on the donor - the clinic goes through a major process to get their donors so the slightest thing in a family background like diabetes, etc. and the donor will be rejected. I guess that is good to know for us. Once we agree on a donor, then comes the $$ part. We have two options... One is pay for a one cycle deal - we get as many eggs as the donor can produce, they retrieve, the lab fertilized with DH sperm and we see how many embies we get. Because these are young eggs (donors are typcially in their early 20's), they will only put two back in vs. three with my eggs due to quality and age. If we happen to have 6 that fertilize and are quality, they'll put two in and freeze the rest. If we don't happen to get a live birth from the original two, we can keep going back until all the frozen ones are gone. Option two is a money back guarantee - again, due to my age, with IVF this was never an option, but with donor eggs, it is for us. We would pay $15K more but be given three cycles to try and get our baby. So if we go through a cycle, get 6 eggs, put two back, they don't take, we can go back to another "fresh" cycle and try it again. Your stats are much higher with fresh vs. frozen. If after three cycles we still don't have a baby, we would get all our money back minus the cost of the meds for the donor. My odds increase from 16% with an IVF using my eggs to 74% with a donor egg. So I'm left with the question - Is it worth the risk of spending an additional $15K to give DH and I three shots at getting our baby? What if we go with one cycle and get our BFP and it sticks right out of the gate - will we just have spent $15K for nothing? I mean not nothing because we'll have a baby, but it's like flushing that right down the toliet.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 3:18pm

Ann, Man that's a lot to swallow, isn't it? :( I'm sorry!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2008
Mon, 03-21-2011 - 1:41pm

Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 12:40pm

Hi Christy -

I should have clarified that he was taking into account my past results with IUI, this last IVF, my m/c's and my FSH levels. Based on that he is led to believe that my ovarian reserve is extremely low. At one point when they did the Clomid Challenge,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2006
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 8:15pm

I think we will be going down the next path to IVF so I also have some of your concerns as to which package to purchase.

I am curious about your doctor's comments "he said he can assume that it is my egg quality, or lack there of, that is causing this." Is there a test he can do to make sure? I would hate for you to go down a donor path for an "I assume" deal.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 4:44pm
I don't really have advice, just encouragement. I'm sorry your egg quality isn't good enough, but it is so wonderful that we have the technology to still achieve our goal in spite of IF. And its awesome that you two have the time, resources, and heart to go through all of this. Hugs to you and DH! GL and hopes for the future.
Chouli, 34; DH 45 Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 3:45pm
Ann, I have been thinking about ya. And I just thought I would throw this out there. I would go with the $ back route, because of this. If 1 cycle doesnt work (i think maybe about 18k? then you HAVE to do another cycle, another 18 k. So no matter what, you will get your money worth in 3 cycles. Right? Like if you take the amount for the 3 cycles and divide it by 3, isnt that # less than one monthly cycle? (sorry if this is confusing) But of course, we all hope that you get your sticky BFP the first cycle! And it would still be worth it. It wouldnt be flushing your $$ down the toilet cause you would have your sweet LO! :)

Anyways, im thinking about ya! Let us know what you and DH decide to do :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2010
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 2:54pm

Hey Ann, glad to see you have some options. I know this must be very frustrating and stressful, but good to know there are options out there. I probably would do the 3 cycles (just my opinion). It just seems like then you have more opportunities and for 15K it seems worth it (sorry if I go that number wrong) to get more opportunities and increase your chances. But whatever you feel most comfortable with is the best decision. My friend is doing IVF and she's 40 and they said at her age and with her own eggs, her chances are around 15-20%. It seems so crazy that the chances decrease so much just due to age. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and pray that whatever you decide it ends in a sticky BFP. HUGS!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 11:01am
Ann - I was thinking of starting by saying that I don't want you to feel bad about yourself or see yourself as "broken," but I know I'd feel the same (hell, I almost feel that way now, despite being as yet undiagnosed with IF), so I won't attempt to indirectly override the emotions that you have to go through right now. I don't know how to advise about the financial end of your options; the choice I'd make for myself if I was in your shoes would have to depend on my financial standing at the time. $15K is a lot of money. If I could sort out current debt and current and future income and see that it wouldn't ruin us financially for years, I would likely opt for the guaranteed option. Big hugs to you, girl. Like Kate, I'm confident that you and DH will arrive at the best choice for your family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2007
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 10:41am
Oh, Ann. I'm so sorry :( I can only imagine how badly you feel getting that kind of news. I'm so glad you have another option to get your baby. I know that you and DH will make the right choice to get your family.
~Katie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2010
Thu, 03-17-2011 - 10:05am

Oh, Ann, you have so much to think about.

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