Update - really long, sorry

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Update - really long, sorry
28
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 12:41pm

I’m at such a loss. I dunno where to even begin. I am so sorry if this is hard to follow because all I know how to do right now is ramble. I’m in tears as I type this trying to hide as best as I can in this cubicle to keep from drawing attention to myself here at work. This is gonna be long and if you don’t make it to the end, I get that. I just need to get all this out of my head and DH hardly hears me.

My appt this morning was not only what I was hoping for but could not have gone any worse. There has been no follicle growth. There is still nothing under 10mm. Although my lining has improved from grade C to grade B, it has shrunk an inch from 8.5mm to 7.5mm. RE didn’t seem at ALL concerned with that. Said that the lining will fluctuate a little bit in the early stages of your cycle. If I didn’t hear him call off the measurement to the nurse and if I didn’t already know wha it was on Monday, I wouldn’t have even known that it shrunk. It’s not like he said “Michelle, you’re lining shrunk and we need to talk about that.” Again, if I didn’t hear him call it out to the nurse, I would have never known. Needless to say, I hardly heard him tell me it was not a concern.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2007
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 12:50pm
Sorry Michelle.
Try not to be so hard on yourself.
I feel like med profs assume you know what you are doing & dont tell you everything you need to know. They should have told you about mixing the meds & I would have done the same thing. I hope that now things speed up for you & this is the last $$ you are spending on this.
*mindy*
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 12:52pm
Oh Minday :( I wish I agreed with you. When she gave me the meds, she asked me if I knew how to use them and I said yes. I really thought I did.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2010
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 12:53pm
Oh Chelle, sometimes we do things like that but its not entirely OUR fault. If the doc said "hey when you get your meds you will get EXTRA saline, but dont use it all" that would have been helpful right? If she told you lots of things it would have helped. If you tell them do you think there is any way they could get you samples of some of it just to save $ since they didnt give directions correctly in the beginning? Maybe worth asking? I dont know if there are samples of all the stuff, but even some will help.

Im glad your not giving up totally on this cycle. Hang in there! When do you go back to be checked again? Does your ins. cover any of the meds?

Hugs girl!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 12:56pm
Nope, I can't blame them Carley. They asked me and I said I knew what I was doing. It really is my fault and I have to own that.

Insurance covers zero meds. That $1200 has been out of my own pocket.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 12:56pm
Oh, and I go in again on Sunday.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 12:56pm
Aw hunny i'm so sorry you had a disappointing appt. At least you know how to do the meds right now. I know you're sad and frustrated right now, but once when I was very down a wise wise woman told me to bust out my sword and fight till the end. So that's what i'm gonna tell you. Cry, yell, punch stuff, be in a pissy mood, whatever. But stick to the (expensive) plan and have faith in your Dr. Like he said, it doesn't matter if you trigger day 12 or 22. And you're NOT a moron! Love ya girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2007
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 12:58pm
ok, I read everything, and I actually don't think today was as big a failure as you say. I'm trying to stay in my "objective lawyer" mode and really read the facts you've listed and disregard the emotional stuff. So here goes my "analysis."

First, yes, you gotta gotta gotta tell them that you messed up the Bravelle. I think that could be really important. But more importantly, we are not doctors - you need to let them decide how to proceed best, and they only way they can do that is with all of the information.

Second, I have to agree with the doctor on the insignificance of your CD and trigger days - you know from being on this board that plenty of women have long cycles and ovulate on the later side and still end up PG. Hell, both times I got PG, I am sure I O'd somewhere around CD19 and one of those PGs resulted in a healthy baby. So try not to focus on that - you need to focus on using the meds the right way, exactly as prescribed, and getting mature follies and a good lining.

Third, as hard as it is for me to say this and you to hear it, try try try not to stress about the money for the meds. I KNOW money is a huge issue and this is costing you tons, BUT, remember how excited you were about having a new plan that would hopefully address your lining and get you to keep a PG? THAT is why you are spending this money. If you stop now, then everything you have spent this month is for nothing. And I think the doctor would have told you if this cycle was a bust - he's not going to waste your money so that a cycle that doesn't work negatively affects his success rates! Don't forget that HE definitely wants successful cycles for his patients - if nothing else than because it helps his numbers.

Also, I think the stress you are putting on yourself by worrying about the money and everything else is not good. I say this b/c I have a really stressful job and I know that my stress level and worry and anxiety is not good for TTC - my acupuncturist tells me this all the time. It is really hard to do, and I struggle all the time with it, but you gotta try not to stress about the money. You decided to do this, the RE has confidence in this and I think you just need to let the unnecessary stress go.

Overall, I think all is not lost and you still have time and hope for a successful IUI. Hang in there and keep doing what they tell you to do.

I hope none of this offended you - I really mean it to help you and everything is said with love and support.
Kelly, mom to 4 year old Lexi, wife to Rob TTC Number 2 since April 2010, with a loss in June 2010 at 4.5 weeks, and a loss in April 2011 at 8 weeks (possibly ectopic). Saw the RE in May 2011, we were moving forward with testing and an IUI when we
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 1:01pm
Kelly, not offended at all and I'm glad you don't think the sky is falling. Granted I feel better about it now than I did two hours ago but not much better. I can't believe I waited on pins and needles for this morning and now I have to wait until Sunday. :(
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2009
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 1:02pm
Oh no Michelle! I would be pretty upset too. I really hope that you mixing the meds the other way starts growing those follies and your lining turns to Grade A. Big (((Hugs))).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2007
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 1:24pm
oh yes, I am SURE that if it was me lying there, I would have burst into tears, so I totally get there you are/were upset. That makes complete sense to me. But I am glad you posted here and are feeling a little bit better about it.
and the waiting, yes, I hate that we are ALWAYS waiting - waiting to O, waiting to test, waiting to IUI, waiting for follies to grow, waiting to have money for IVF, waiting waiting waiting.....
Kelly, mom to 4 year old Lexi, wife to Rob TTC Number 2 since April 2010, with a loss in June 2010 at 4.5 weeks, and a loss in April 2011 at 8 weeks (possibly ectopic). Saw the RE in May 2011, we were moving forward with testing and an IUI when we

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