vent....scared to be pregnant

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
vent....scared to be pregnant
9
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:38pm
I am 26 and m/c in Feb. (EDD 9/17/04) I have been dealing well with it but lately I have been pretty down. I mean my little sister, who lives with me and my DH, is pregnant and due in aug. I see her going through all the pregnancy stuff and I can't help but imagine how far I would be along and how pregnant I would look etc. It sucks you know and I feel foolish saying it to anyone thinking I'd sound crazy. The past 2 years have been difficult. My first daughter was conceived while on birth control and was in one of the most difficult times of my life. (at the time I was taking care of my mom who was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer and whose healthy was rapidly declining) My pregnancy was a difficult one and 2 months after my mom passed my angel arrived. Two weeks later my husband was deployed to Iraq. (he's a marine) I am blessed to have her though. I guess that is why I feel so guilty when I feel cheated because of losing my last one. It seems if I have been losing everything lately. I lost my step-father to AIDS, my mom to Cancer, my grandfather to Heart attack, my step-grandfather to heart attack as well. I still have to deal with my younger sister whom I have guardianship for and all the talking around since she got pregnant. (like it is my fault or something) and I take care of an old family friend that is handicapped and on dialysis. AGHHh. Right now i am just a little nervous cause there is a chance I am pregnant and I dont' want a repeat performance of the last preg.

Anyways sorry for venting all this but I just needed it. I have been feeling as if I dont' have anyone to vent to anymore. Since my mom's sickness/death everyone seems to come to me with all their problems. If I try to say how I feel it is just ignored. I don't have much family around. If my mom was hear she would be hearing all this but she isn't and I miss her. I just try and stay as positive as I can but some days it is hard. If there are any praying women out there say one for me please...I need it.

TIA...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 3:05pm
Sorry things are tough for you. Does sound like it's been a stressful few years for you. Hopefully things will calm down & if you're pg you can relax & enjoy it. You'll be in my thoughts & prayers. It's too bad you don't have anyone there to talk to but hopefully you'll feel better just by telling us on the board about things. We're always here.

-Laura

TTC#1

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 3:51pm
(((((Oh sweetheart)))))

You are taking care of everyone around you and no one is helping you out right now. I miscarried in March and am still not moving on either. I lost my mother 18 years ago and it is sooooo hard not to have her here to help me through this. The loss of your mother is so much more recent and the miscarriage brought back so much of the loss of my mother for me. I want my Mommy and I am sure you do too!!!!

I too am terrified of getting pregnant again and terrified of not getting pregnant. Either way I feel like I will be disappointed or really really scared. This board has helped me so much and sometimes it just helps to express all of those feelings you have bottled up inside you. I just found out about a miscarriage support group here in Atlanta. Why don't you try a search for where you live and maybe you could get some inexpensive support. Or, does the army provide any kind of support or counseling for spouses that you could use? I have decided today to swallow my pride and get some help because I am just floundering here and going through the motions of my normal routine and I want to get better and cannot stand feeling like this all of the time.

I want you to know that you are not alone with all of these feelings and that it is okay to ask for some help and some support. You have been through a lot and this is tough stuff to deal with.

Julianne

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 4:09pm
Thanks Julianne,

It has been difficult. I had been thrown into the position of taking care of other people and things for so long that it is the norm for me to put myself and my feelings aside. My husband is great and tries to help but there is nothing like having that older female around to nurture, comfort, console and guide. Even though I know we would have our little arguments I just feel cheated to not have that chance to have her around. I mean these are the years that the whole relationship was suppose to be better. Ya know you hate your mom through your teens ;) and then you get older and all you want is her. I didn't get to have her there when I got married or when I had my daughter. I wholeheartedly agree that not having her here when I m/c was the hardest. My MIL tried but she was more condesending than anything. She said, "oh Im sorry but I never went through that or have known anyone that has." And that was that. I got more comfort from my doctor and her MA.

Ok I am rambling now. Just feels good to talk. Me and my siblings had some counseling sessions after my mom's death. (We all had some huge issues with eachother) And that helped but it sometimes is hard when I am in the moment of fear that I want to pick up the phone and call her then reality slaps me in the face. I feel like an orphan sometimes but I do have a great hubby and daughter. That is my family he says and gets upset if I voice that feeling. He has never lost anyone close to him. Anyhow I will not know for sure if I am pregnant for a couple weeks so I will have to face this head on just like everything else. Lord willing things will go well and I will be able to enjoy this pregnancy. Thanks for sharing......More importantly thanks for listening.

Echelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 9:31pm
Echelle,

Sorry so long to get back to you - been in the middle of the crazy after work routine and getting the kids to bed.

My Mom died when I was 20 and we were just getting past all of the teen stuff too when she died. She missed my graduation from college, law school, my wedding, and the birth of my two daughters. I have leaned HARD on an aunt that I am close to (really in an in-law aunt but she is the closest thing left to my mother. She does not live close by so all i can do is call every couple of weeks. I can recommend a wonderful book called motherless daughters - it is still in print and you should be able to find it at your local bookstore. It helped me tremendously when I found it a few years after my Mom died. we just passed mother's day and I am sure that was very bittersweet for you as well.

One thing I learned from that book is motherless daughters are STRONG - we take on everything and do not always take time for ourselves and we need to do that. I talked with my husband tonight and I am going to get some counseling. THis loss has made me feel the loss of my mother more than I have in years. I am functioning but feel like I am at half capacity everywhere.

Losing a mother is just the worst thing in the world. Please feel free to e-mail me anytime. I have been through some of what you have and do understand and sometimes knowing you are not the only one with these feelings helps a lot. There are so many things I wish I could share with my mother and ask my mother now that I have become a mother and I just feel so cheated. Now, I have been cheated out of my baby too! Getting pregnant again for us will be even scarier because we have already experienced so much loss already. I guess we have to somehow come to terms with our fear because we both know how great the reward at the end is. I am happy to help you in any way that I can.

Hang in there and know that I am here for you.

Julianne

swilleyw@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 10:18pm
(((((HUGS))))) sorry to hear that you are going through so much recently and hope it gets better for you real soon. don't let what folks talk bout round town bout your sister bother you and her.. just goes to show that they don't have anything better to do with their time. just you two keep ur chin up and smile at them. then it will make them wonder what is really going on and then find someone else to talk about.(+:

will be keepin you in thoughts and prayers. if you ever need to talk to someone feel free to email me anytime.

lenora

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 11:53pm
Echelle,

Bless your heart, I am so sorry to hear about your losses. Just know that you are in my prayers. I don't have much to say but we are here when you need to talk. This board has been like therapy for me. My DH doesn't get it, he was never pg. So I like to come here and read and post and it helps. God Bless You..

(((Hugs)))

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 11:53pm
Thank you so much....I just had to vent and get a few things off mychest. Things have been rough and losing the baby and then the actual possibility that I am pregnant again is both exciting and scary. I guess with my first I never actually thought about what could go wrong. But these moments seem to bring out that maternal need I have. It makes me miss my mom so much and then I get into a rut and start feeling like I am all alone and I get overwhelmed. But thank you so much for your thoughts and yes I am a woman of faith as well....so please pray for me. Me and my family need it. TIA
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 11:59pm
Thanks for your kind words. Sometimes you jsut get to a place where you throw your arms in the air and yell "What do you want from me" I've just been feeling overwhelmed lately and trying not to dwell on things. But we are all human and can't be strong allt he time right ;) Anyhow thanks again...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 3:30pm
(((HUGS)))

Vent anytime! That's why we're all here.

Dawn