oh who knows...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2007
oh who knows...
7
Mon, 09-06-2010 - 1:03am

my woomb feels empty. and I'm sad. I guess we all can sympathise right? I posted this on my crafty blog today:


"I want to make beautiful things... and I want to make a baby."


Somehow the two are the same. My sewing/quilting is a response to my inability to get pregnant? At least I can still create something even if I haven't been able to create a baby. Is it too much for people to understand that?


It just sucks when you're on that date with the hubby... you know the first one in more than a month. I was there next to him in the movie theater, and I just knew. I could get pregnant today. If I am not ovulating today, than I will be very soon. I know. It's like second nature now. I just know my body. So why does that suck? I'm having surgury friday. I can't even try tonight. As much as I really want to, as much as I really want to be with my husband. I can't. Anesthesia, and crazy sterroids = not good if you were just barely pregnant. But I feel it. I could get pregnant today.


DH is going to Arizona on tuesday. It's very sudden and really not the best time, but his job requires it. He'll be there for a month. He's really battling right now, with an addiction to food. He's on the front lines. It's really not fun. I'm not sure if I'm helping him in this battle or not. He has what it takes and will make it through on top.


I feel so intense right now. I nearly teared up while looking at a beautifully embroidered saying, on a quilt, on flickr. Intense.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
In reply to: emedoodle
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 4:28pm

Jessica, that's such a beautiful story!



Both my father-in-law and DH's grandmother passed unexpectedly

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2010
In reply to: emedoodle
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 9:37am

I really love this story!

Jessica


momma to 5 lil ones 9 and under, 2 girls and 3 boys, wife to a loving husband for 8 years
Expecting #6 in June, 2

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2000
In reply to: emedoodle
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 8:54am

Emily,

I am so sorry for your sadness and frustration. You have a lot on your plate and adding TTC to the buffet is not helping, i'm sure.

Here's what I know for certain, sometimes a baby comes with a "purpose" rather than on a schedule. Your "creative" days are not over and will come again, but it will be with a higher meaning and symbol-- maybe to memorialize some event in your life.

I typically tell the story that DS was conceived in the time frame of DHs grandmother passing (12/7/07), but I had my period during her funeral, so I know that's not how it went, but Dhs family likes the story :) ... we had been trying for several months and it just didn't seem to be happening. The fact is, I got a phone call that my uncle- whom had molested me for a large portion of my life-- died on Christmas Day in 2007. exactly 7 days later I started vomiting non-stop and found out a week later I was preggo with DS. I know it sounds weird, but that phone call gave me the first sigh of relief since I was 5 years old. My nightmares stopped, I felt a physical relief that was indescribable, and I was emotionally at peace at the age of 26-- FINALLY! despite the fact that I moved many states away 10 years earlier... In my heart, I know that my son is my "gift" for making it through. At that moment in time, my life changed for the better- TOTALLY and completely! and to add to my lifetime story :) DS was due on Sept 14, which is the birthdate of an aunt that I told about the abuse and she was, well, less than supportive and defended my uncle. I cried for weeks at the thought of DS coming on her birthday and being reminded of celebrating her life and he came a couple of days early and doesn't share a birthdate with anyone we know :) I know it sounds weird, and maybe you won't relate, but for me it helps me know that the timing of Anthony was something "bigger" than I could understand. i don't mean to be creepy or anything, it's just my way of making peace with all of the "trying" we've done-- even with DS.

I'm sure that there will be a moment in time when something grande is happening in your life, maybe it will be DHs recovery from addiction, or your recovery from an unexpected surgery, or something else, but your baby will be created in a moment of pure beauty and peace and love....

so many hugs and wishes your way for a speedy recovery from surgery and happiness in all of life's other obstacles!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2010
In reply to: emedoodle
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 4:49pm
Just wanted to send you some hugs and my thoughts and prayers {{hugs}}!

Jessica


momma to 5 lil ones 9 and under, 2 girls and 3 boys, wife to a loving husband for 8 years
Expecting #6 in June, 2

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2008
In reply to: emedoodle
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 1:07pm

I am sorry you are feeling so down! Big hugs and I hope you feel better soon......next month could be the one and you will have the surgery out of the way.

Jasmine

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2009
In reply to: emedoodle
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 8:07am

I feel you. This ttc thing isn't so much fun after a few months, and having roadblocks placed in your way must be awful emotionally.


I know that feeling you're talking about. I always have a day, every month, where I think, today is the day. If we bd today, we can get pg. And something always comes up, so I always wonder, would it have worked if it was that day?


Hugs to you and just know that your time will come. It might not be today or tomorrow, but it will come. You will be holding that new baby one day. I totally get the desperation of wanting it now. But, it will happen in its own time, when the time is right, and it will be so sweet.


Hugs,
Sunday

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2007
In reply to: emedoodle
Mon, 09-06-2010 - 6:33pm

Hang in there my friend.

Amanda


Mom to Talia (3)


expecting #2 on 1/11/11