A talk with my pastor -
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|Wed, 09-22-2010 - 8:55am|
There is so much emotion surrounding ttc at 44......I went and talked with my pastor yesterday and I have a much better sense of peace right now.
We talked about a few main areas...
One, is taking medication biblically sound? This is important to me and although I feel like it is, I wanted him to address it. He said as long as both DH and I agree and it doesn't start to harm our relationship (like if I got crazy obsessed and upset by keeping track of it all), he agrees it's fine. I said we do agree in that DH will defer to me on this....knowing if he says no I'll probably resent that....so he's conceding a bit for my sake. I love him for that, b/c I know he's not jumping up and down for me to do this.
The other thing was dh's belief that if God meant for us to have a child, we would. We don't need to do anything more than trust him. Pastor said that trusting God is key....so I said what does that mean? Not doing anything? He said not at all. As long as I've prayed about it and dh and I agree there's nothing wrong with medical help.....you can do what you can (assuming it doesn't become all consuming or a negative process) and then you trust God to do His will. If the meds work, then thank you God for helping. If they don't, you trust He knows what's best for you. There's nothing wrong with praying for what you want and doing what you can until God's makes it clear it really isn't His will.
I know I am the type of person who feels better charting, etc....at least for now. I said if we end up not getting pregnant months and months from now...how do I get to the place of peace and acceptance and not wanting to do that? He said he was guessing I'm not there yet...I laughed and said that I really wasn't. He said maybe this medication is another step on the path to that place. If I've done all I can and He still says no then I can have trust in Him about that.
I really feel so much better. I have a peace about this now. If in 2 months I am still not pregnant.....maybe I'll be closer to letting go....we'll see.
I really just want to have a calm assurance that whatever happens is the right thing. I'm getting closer. I know the med thing is new and exciting....but when that's all done, reality may set in more and we'll see where my head's at. I have more faith I can handle that now.
I thought about you a lot yesterday, Sunday. I pray for peace for you, too. I may be right where you are in a few months. I respect you for trying to find peace in all of this.
Dee -- Homeschooling mom of 6 -- Forty-four and praying for 1 more!