A talk with my pastor -

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
A talk with my pastor -
9
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 8:55am

There is so much emotion surrounding ttc at 44......I went and talked with my pastor yesterday and I have a much better sense of peace right now.

We talked about a few main areas...

One, is taking medication biblically sound? This is important to me and although I feel like it is, I wanted him to address it. He said as long as both DH and I agree and it doesn't start to harm our relationship (like if I got crazy obsessed and upset by keeping track of it all), he agrees it's fine. I said we do agree in that DH will defer to me on this....knowing if he says no I'll probably resent that....so he's conceding a bit for my sake. I love him for that, b/c I know he's not jumping up and down for me to do this.

The other thing was dh's belief that if God meant for us to have a child, we would. We don't need to do anything more than trust him. Pastor said that trusting God is key....so I said what does that mean? Not doing anything? He said not at all. As long as I've prayed about it and dh and I agree there's nothing wrong with medical help.....you can do what you can (assuming it doesn't become all consuming or a negative process) and then you trust God to do His will. If the meds work, then thank you God for helping. If they don't, you trust He knows what's best for you. There's nothing wrong with praying for what you want and doing what you can until God's makes it clear it really isn't His will.

I know I am the type of person who feels better charting, etc....at least for now. I said if we end up not getting pregnant months and months from now...how do I get to the place of peace and acceptance and not wanting to do that? He said he was guessing I'm not there yet...I laughed and said that I really wasn't. He said maybe this medication is another step on the path to that place. If I've done all I can and He still says no then I can have trust in Him about that.

I really feel so much better. I have a peace about this now. If in 2 months I am still not pregnant.....maybe I'll be closer to letting go....we'll see.

I really just want to have a calm assurance that whatever happens is the right thing. I'm getting closer. I know the med thing is new and exciting....but when that's all done, reality may set in more and we'll see where my head's at. I have more faith I can handle that now.

I thought about you a lot yesterday, Sunday. I pray for peace for you, too. I may be right where you are in a few months. I respect you for trying to find peace in all of this.



Dee -- Homeschooling mom of 6 -- Forty-four and praying for 1 more!



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http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/da296






Dee -- Homeschooling mom of 6 -- Forty-four and praying for 1 more!


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 9:24am

I hope I don't upset you with this or anything, but I really enjoy your views. It's really nice for me to hear someone else who sees things from a more religious point of view. I too have struggled for a long time with wondering what God's will is in regard to my fertility. As a Catholic, I'm called to practice 'responsible parenthood.' This has caused me so much agonizing. It took me a very long time to get to a place where I felt like God was telling me it was the right time to conceive. Then I miscarried, and I had to wonder if God was trying to tell me that it wasn't the right time. Through it all I've been trying to remember that God does all things because he loves us. My miscarriage has brought me closer to God and to a more enlightened place in regard to children. I really appreciate my son and my fear of unplanned pregnancy has gone dramatically down. I keep wishing I had spent less time avoiding pregnancy.



I really hope that God blesses you with another pregnancy, and that this battle brings you closer to Him. Good luck.

Geneva



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 10:06am

Geneva,

I'm glad to have another person to talk with about this.....I don't want to offend anyone else...which is why I put the word pastor in my subject line....but ttc is so closely tied to spirituality for many of us...I was hoping it might help someone else.

I believe God is teaching me many things in this journey......I'm still hoping it ends with a baby....but if not.....there will be something to learn there, too. I just have to trust that He will give me the strength to handle it, if it comes to that.



Dee -- Homeschooling mom of 6 -- Forty-four and praying for 1 more!



Photobucket



http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/da296






Dee -- Homeschooling mom of 6 -- Forty-four and praying for 1 more!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2010
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 11:09am

Hey Dee, I'm so glad that your pastor was able to offer some very comforting and wise advice : ).

Jessica


momma to 5 lil ones 9 and under, 2 girls and 3 boys, wife to a loving husband for 8 years
Expecting #6 in June, 2

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2007
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 12:16pm

I'm glad you had a good talk. I've always been of the group that says, "God helps those who help themselves" or, you can't wait around for God to fix all your problems like magic... he gave us the free will to do what we can.



That being said I struggle too. I personally don't believe in anything that removes us from the act of creation (as in invitro etc). It's a personal decision we all have to make. I'm Catholic and that frames things for me a bit too. It's such a hard spiritual thing. It's so hard to think that God might not want me to have the millions of kids I want... or maybe he's leading me to adopt? Or maybe he's guiding me to do foster care? It's a nagging thing, and gets worse each month that I don't get pregnant (or each month that I can't even try - as it seems to be currently). It's such a hard spot to be in, especially with so many people I know having "oops" babies. If it's taking me this long to have #2 how long will I be in this game? I want 5...or more kids?



I hope you're feeling like your in a much better place since your talk. I'm hoping to be there sometime. :)

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newsiggy_Page_0
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2006
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 6:09pm

It sounds like you had a wonderful conversation with your pastor! I know my faith has been what has helped me through this journey and the journey itself has strengthened my faith. Like other previous posts, I'm a Catholic and that figures prominently into my decisions for assisted reproduction. That, and no fertility insurance coverage. ;) I just keep praying and checking in with God if it is my turn yet. I do look at adoption and foster care options, but they never feel right. I just feel it is about timing--I'm in the running for a new job and applying to school. Maybe it isn't my time.



You seem to have a solid view of what you are willing to do and where you are on the journey. You will know what is right for you and your family and in what time frame.



Deb

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2000
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 9:05pm

Dee,



I'm not particularly religious, but I do believe that we have to be at peace with our beliefs-- no matter what they are!



I'm glad that you were able to talk to your pastor and get the guidance and reassurance that you need to move ahead...



FWIW--

Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 8:53am

You know....I debated about sharing this. But it affected me so profoundly that I really want to. If you don't believe in God, you can call this karma or fate at work...or whatever. I believe in God and I see this as Him talking directly to me.

After my talk with my pastor I prayed a lot that night about just having trust in God.....and asking Him to help me be less worried, anxious, and obsessive...turn it over to Him.

The next morning I was deleting my e-mails. I have bible verses by email for every day that I am SO far behind on. I was deleting them b/c I knew I'd never have time to catch up. So.....I was hitting, delete, delete, delete, etc......out of nowhere one pops up on my screen......"accidentally" :
__

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. "

Philippians 4:6-7 (New International Version)

__

Can I just say, "Wow." I was literally in tears. How cool is that? God sent me an e-mail!



Dee -- Homeschooling mom of 6 -- Forty-four and praying for 1 more!



Photobucket



http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/da296






Dee -- Homeschooling mom of 6 -- Forty-four and praying for 1 more!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2010
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 10:25am
Wow, that is really cool Dee!!!

Jessica


momma to 5 lil ones 9 and under, 2 girls and 3 boys, wife to a loving husband for 8 years
Expecting #6 in June, 2

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2009
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 7:47pm

Dee,
I'm so glad that your pastor was able to help you find clarity. What a great pastor you have!



Hugs,



Sunday