God is good, BFP or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2007
God is good, BFP or not.
Mon, 04-15-2013 - 5:57pm

Oh my goodness. I never thought I would be able to post about myself in a BFP thread on a message board. But God is so good. He is all powerful. He creates miracles beyond our wildest dreams.

My hubby and I have been married more than 5 years. Been TTC since December 2009, almost 3.5 years. We were diagnosed with azoospermia (no sperm) in the summer of 2011. We thought our dreams of pregnancy and having children at all were dead. The devastation at the diagnosis cannot even be fully described, it is so deep and so painful. But then we began looking for options. And we feel that God led us to embryo adoption. We feel God led us to Embryo Adoption Services of Cedar Park. We feel God led us to the clinic that we chose to use for our FET. Every step of the way we felt His hand. But still, we doubted. Because that is what infertility does to your spirit. It makes you unsure that your desires can ever really happen. So much disappointment, so much pain, so many tears. When we got the phone call on December 3, 2012 that we had a family that wanted to donate their 4 embabies to us, we were elated...the very same day, DH's beloved grandmother went home to be with the Lord. Such joy and such sorrow in the same day....but it felt like a sign from God somehow. His grandmother had prayed for us for the past 3 years that we would become parents in some way...and as she left this life, our dreams of possibly having children entered our lives.

We got pictures of the donating family and their beautiful daughter that would be the genetic sibling of our children. It was still surreal.Once we got all of our testing done and paperwork taken care of, and our wonderful adoption coordinator arranged for our embabies to be shipped to our clinic...it started to feel real...but still surreal at the same time. As we got our box of medications for our FET cycle, which would take 8 weeks to get to transfer day, it was exciting - but we still felt cautious...we still prepared ourselves mentally for the possibility that this would not result in a pregnancy. As transfer day (March 29th, 2013) drew near, we were excited and nervous. On transfer day, when our embryologist showed us two of our babies as 6 day blastocysts that would be transferred that day...we cried...and we were excited. This past 9 days after transfer have been moments of feeling crazy, moments of joy, moments of fear...so many emotions and feelings...but we never stopped praying and asking the Lord for our children.

And On April 7, 2013, 9 days past 6 day transfer, at 7:30am....my hands shook and I felt ill as I dipped a home pregnancy test into a cup of my urine. I covered the test and cried and prayed...I didn't want to see only one line. Less than a minute and DH wanted to peek...so I uncovered the test. And there it was....something I had never seen in the past 3.5 years, or ever for that matter. TWO LINES. Those two lines hold so much promise. Those two lines made me fall to my knees and praise the Lord. Those two lines mean everything.

We are so excited. We know we need to be cautious, as any couple should be in the first weeks and months of pregnancy...and really for the entire pregnancy! But God has created a miracle in my womb today! We have to be joyful for this incredible work of His hands!! I am carrying my adopted children in my body. I am in awe. I am amazed. Somebody pinch me, I feel like this is the best dream that I never want to wake from.

Sorry this is so long....but thank you for reading. I appreciate any prayers for our beta test tomorrow and the 2nd beta on Wednesday. These lives are so fragile and so precious, we pray they will continue to grow.

Miracles happen. God is good. Even if we had only seen one line, He would still be good.

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Many blessings to you all,

Kelly