Having a rough time

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2012
Having a rough time
16
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 10:27am
Hello, I am new to this website but I just felt like I needed to talk about things that are goIng on in my own life.
My husband and I have been TTC for 2 years and 2 months, with no luck. :( I started treatments back in August of 2011. I am getting very discouraged and have had 6 of my friends either found out they were pregnant or gave birth in the last couple months. My SIL actually just had their 2nd baby boy last night, and it took all I had not to break down in tears in front of everyone. After leaving the hospital, my husband and I went home, and I just cried and cried. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy for them but it just came so easy for them. I dont wanna be a downer all the time, but TTC is all I think about, from the time I get up till the time I go to bed.
I guess I am just in need of some major encouragement and was hoping that maybe some o the ladies on here could pray for me. Thank you so much! Sarah

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Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Tue, 02-21-2012 - 4:58pm
Big (((HUGS))) Sarah, sending you lots of P&PTs. We understand what you mean about being happy for them, but feeling so frustrated about your own situation. You found a great board for support, I really hope that you'll have your baby very soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2008
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 7:57am
Welcome Sarah!
(((HUGS)))) I understand exactly what you´re talking about. I´ve felt that exact pain that you´re referring to myself, on several occassions. My husband and I have been TTC #1 for just over three and a half years. When my SIL got pregnant (and to make it even worse it was an "oops" pregnancy, that seemed to hurt even more!) I was so devestated, I cried myself to sleep that night (although sleep took a while coming!) It didn´t help that MIL wasn´t very sensitive in the way that she told us about the pregnancy and that added a lot to my pain. Like you, I was also happy for them, but ouch! It hurt so bad. I´m blessed in that my SIL has been very sensitive through all of this and that has helped a little. Our niece is now a year old and DH and I have been able to have special time with her.

When anyone close to me gets pregnant, it hurts. I´m happy for them, but it´s like they´ve joined an exclusive club that I can´t seem to get into. I feel left out. I feel the pain in my womb, like my womb is crying out that it wants fo be filled too.

As far as giving you some major encouragement goes, I will certainly be praying for you. You are normal and your reactions and tears and pain are all normal. TTC (especially when it takes so long) is a real roller coaster. If someone hasn´t been there, they often can´t understand just how devestating it is. The ladies on this board have been a huge support and encouragement to me in the midst of this journey. There's something so special about being with others that understand. I felt so isolated before coming here. I really hope and pray that you get your BFP soon. In the meatime though, it would be great if you stick around here. I´d love to get to know you better and to support each other through this.

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Registered: 02-21-2012
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 9:52am

Thanks so much Rachel!

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Registered: 08-29-2008
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 5:12pm
Hi Sarah,
I agree, sharing with others that are going through a similar thing is so important. I´ve learned a lot here and it´s great to be able to support each other. It´s a bit quiet on this board at the moment. Lots of ladies got BFPs at a similar kind of time! But there are others here and they´ll check in and say hi to you soon.

So glad that your day was a little better yesterday. I think it´s so important for couples to have good communication when TTC takes a long time. That said, I know for me there are times when I need another woman to talk to too. I think we do feel it differently (maybe partly because it´s our body that it isn´t happening with and we experience that every month) My husband is desperate to be a Dad too. I find now that I often have to take some time each month to cry, just because I can control when it happens then. Otherwise I could burst into tears in a really bad moment (still feel that could happen sometimes, but seems less likely if I´ve given myself the space I need) I think it´s important if you can have good communication with your friends too. I definitely know what you and your husband mean about not wanting your friends ot have to walk on eggshells around you. I don´t want that either. I guess I try to learn what my limits are. So, for example with a friend who I knew was trying, I spoke with her and told her that when she got pregnant I was going to be really happy for her, but I'd also be sad if I´m not pregnant with her, so I asked her to let me know by email, so that I could have time to get used to it and then express my genuine joy, without my sadness getting in the way. She was fine with that, she did get pregnant and she told me by email. Another time it was the dedication service of a baby at church. They decided to do the WHOLE service just about that and the sermon and everything. I felt I couldn´t cope with that, so changed the rota to do Sunday School that day. But, I made a special cake and biscuits to celebrate the dedication.

I´m going to post this now, because it keeps freezing on me and I don´t want to lose it, but I´ll write some more about my journey in a minute
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Registered: 08-29-2008
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 5:55pm

OK, I´m back! My computer is just being so slow today and keeps freezing up on me.

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Registered: 02-21-2012
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 11:01pm
Wow! You have definitely have had long road! So you are ovulating regularly now? Are you going to be trying any sort of treatments?
As for me, i am 23 years old and we have been trying for about 2 years and 2 months. I finally got up the gumption to call a fertility specialist in August of 2011. I got in and got tested, husband tested, the whole shebang! Everything is in perfect working order, husbands part is perfect! ( I know I'm wondering the same thing, why am I not pregnant?) So as of right now I have unexplained infertility.
I started off in September with Clomid and have progressed with more aggressive treatments each month. Whenever AF decides to show up, I will be starting all shots of Menopur, so we will see what happens! If that doesn't work, I'm not sure what comes after that.
Thank you so much for the encouragement, I already feel like you are good friend! Good luck with the move, hope and pray everything goes smoothly!
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Registered: 08-29-2008
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 6:08am
Yes, I´ve always ovulated regularly. From my 18 months of charting (taking temp first thing every morning) I saw that I did sometimes not ovulate, but it wasn´t that often and my Dr said that´s normal. I don´t have plans to do treatments right now. I´m hoping that the progesterone cream in itself will make a difference. I´ve been reading a great book about that, I´m going to write a review on here of it sometime soon. As I´ve prayed about the next step, I have peace right now about not doing treatment. I really root for everyone on here that is going through treatment though! Most of the ladies in the hannah's hope section probably have gone through at least some kind of treatment. Lots of people have used clomid, some have had injections. We´ve had ladies who´ve had IUI and we´ve had several that have gone through IVF as well.

Have you had a HSG (where they put dye into your tubes to check that they´re not blocked?) Definitely worth having if you haven´t. Unexplained infertility is so frustrating, because you don´t know exactly what to do about it! In a way my infertility is unexplained too, because I no longer have a fibroid to cause me problems and although I have one blocked tube, the other is ok. Having a blocked tube can mean it takes longer, but it shouldn´t prevent it.

I really hope that your shots of Menopur work. It is nerve wracking making that first trip to a fertility specialist isn´t it? I still get nervous everytime I go to the dr. I worry I might burst into tears in the consulting room.

I´m so glad you feel like I´m a good friend already. That´s what I want here, for us to all be able to encourage and support each other. I can´t imagine going through the ups and downs of infertility alone. I love being able to share with everyone here. A lot of the ladies have now got pregnant and had their babies, but I´m still in touch with quite a few of them on facebook.

Is this the first time you´ve joined an internet group like this? This is the only group I belong to. I just felt like I didn´t want to be isolated in this.

My living room currently looks like a bomb´s hit it! Gradually things are getting into boxes though! I´m English and my husband is Puerto Rican. We live in Spain though, where we´ve been working in church planting. Now though, we have to move from the church plant that we´ve been part of but are not totally sure where we´re going yet!
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Registered: 02-21-2012
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 10:17am

I have never really heard of any type of creams that might help.

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Registered: 08-29-2008
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 1:01pm
Progesterone cream is a natural way to help restore hormonal balance. If progesterone levels are low then that can make it harder to get pregnant and more likely to miscarry. Since I have a lot of the symptoms of low progesterone, I decided to give it a try. Fibroids for example are probably caused by low progesterone. I had the fibroid removed, but that doesn´t resolve the reason why I got it in the first place. We´ve had some ladies on this board get pregnant (after years of trying) a couple of months after starting to use progesterone cream. In the states you can buy it over the counter.

I´m so glad you had an HSG. Sometimes we´ve had ladies on the board that have been doing IUI (artifificial insemination) with the kinds of injections that you´re having but they´ve never had an HSG. When they have the HSG if it shows that both tubes are blocked then the other treatment they did was pretty pointless. I find that frustrating! But both your tubes are fine, which is really great news :-) I know it´s still frustrating though when month after month it doesn´t happen. I´m not sure how I´ll respond to getting a BFP (positive pregnancy test) now. Would I look at it in absolute shock and be speechless? Would I run around the house screaming or just burst into tears? Not sure anymore. Would love to find out soon!

When I was first told I had a fibroid that felt like a relief because it was something fairly easy to fix. Ok I had to have surgery, but at least it got rid of it and made pregnancy seem more likely. Now, I´m thinking I might change drs. Since we have to move anyway, I´m going to have to change, not sure if I´ll go back to this one or just wait to see a different one.

I found this group in the same way that you did. I wanted to find other Christian ladies that were going through the same thing. I hadn´t been trying that long when I came here. As soon as I saw the group, I knew that I wanted to be part of it.

Yes, I´ve lived in Spain for ten years, with a break in the middle. This time round I´ve been here for seven years. When Lemuel and I married just over five years ago, he came to join me here too. Lemuel works with a youth ministry here in Spain too. I help him out with that sometimes, but my main focus hasn´t been specifically youth. I love doing one to one Bible studies with some of the girls though. That´s so great that you and your husband are youth directors! Is that your full time job or do you have other work apart from that?
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Registered: 02-21-2012
Thu, 02-23-2012 - 4:22pm
Well I hope the progesterone cream works for you! I had never heard of it before you mentioned it. Do you think it would be something anyone can use? I mean if it won't hurt, alls it can do is help!
Yes, my dr. would not let me proceed with treatments before I had the HSG. And I'm glad, I wouldn't want to be doing treatments and not even know if it was working.
I think I will probably run around the house screaming and crying when I get a BFP! I definitely can't wait!
So what did you originally go to Spain for? Are you sent out from a church at all?
Yes we do love working with the teens! We actually just started with this ministry about a year ago. We had another youth pastor at our church, and to make a long story short, things just didn't work out and his dad came to us and said the Lord had laid us on his heart to possibly work with the teens. So we prayed about it and we decided that it was the Lord's will. If someone would have asked me 2 years ago if I would be working with teenagers, I would have laughed! But now I know this is what the Lord has for us!
We both have jobs outside of the youth. My husband is an electrician, and is very busy! And I am actually the secretary at our church, which is nice cause or is very flexible and I work with family, so it's very nice! We just kind of work around our schedules to plan activities, camps and that sort of stuff.

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