How is God using this TTC journey?

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Registered: 05-14-2007
How is God using this TTC journey?
8
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 1:35pm

Hi ladies!

I first off want to thank those of you that wrote a response or prayed after reading my post down in the "Knee Mail" folder about my sister-in-law getting pregnant recently. I really do appreciate all of your prayers, thoughts and advice. I thought I would follow up so you don't all think I am over here wallowing in my sorrows. I am feeling a bit better than I was a couple of days ago. Although today I am having some bad cramps and AF may be a little early if she shows today...I am okay with that. I have been thinking and praying a lot and have come to some big realizations that are helping me. I have often asked myself, how is God using this TTC journey in my life? I know that He is using it for good, as He promises in Romans 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

In ALL things He is working for the good of those of us that love Him. It can sometimes be really difficult to REALLY absorb and believe that. In the midst of the trials of life, we are often selfish and focused on the question "Why me?"...when what we should really be asking is "How is He growing me through this?"

Before I found out that my sister-in-law was pregnant, I thought I was doing fairly well with trusting in the Lord and His timing for us in conceiving a child. God quickly showed me my true heart when I heard the news that she was pregnant. I was angry, I was sad, I was only thinking of myself and my struggle to get pregnant. It took me several minutes to even think of my sister-in-law and the joy she must be experiencing, the nervousness she must be feeling about possible miscarriage. I was not thinking of her first as I should have been...I was caught up in my own selfishness...and I was sinning because I didn't get what I WANTED. Things didn't go the way I had hoped they would, and I was very angry about that.

I realized fairly quickly that for me, getting pregnant has become an idol in my heart. I want it so badly that if I don't get it, I will sin. I am holding getting pregnant up higher than the Lord. It is shameful, but it is also a common occurrence. Think about your day to day life. Perhaps you are like me and like many other people I know that struggle with patience. If I am in a hurry and someone is keeping me from getting to where I need to be, I get angry, I sin. If someone is taking longer than I expect to do something, I get frustrated, I sin. In these instances, I am holding my time higher than the Lord. If things don't go my way, I sin, I get angry, I might lash out, either at someone or even in the privacy of my home or car.

I need to work on this...I didn't think that getting pregnant was an idol in my heart...I was working so hard on trusting in the Lord's timing, but I obviously need to try harder. I still want to be in control. I still want the timeline to go the way I think it should, not the way He knows it should.

God is showing me my heart. He is showing me all that I still need to work on within myself. I should be grateful to Him for showing me this and allowing me the time before pregnancy to grow in Him and to get my heart to a better place before motherhood. He is so good, I know that His plan for me is the best and only plan. I thank Him for His infinite wisdom and mercy on me, even in my times of weakness and sinfulness. I also need to thank Him for this time that He is allowing for my husband and I to grow together in Him...He wants us to have a strong and Godly marriage before bringing children into our family. Only He knows the right time, and to question His timing is truly pretty silly...as if I know better than He does?? How ridiculous.

I just thought I would share these revelations I have been having in the past few days and I hope that by sharing that some of you may be able to relate in some way and that He will use this to grow you and to change your heart to make it beat only for Him.

All glory be to the One who came to save us. Thank you, God.

Blessings to all,

Kelly




Edited 8/25/2010 1:38 pm ET by kellagrl51383
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-1999
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 8:49pm
Thanks so much Kelly!

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Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 11:44am

I just want to say that this is a great topic! I have a lot to say about what God has been teaching me in the past year since we've been TTC #3, but I haven't had a free moment the past few days to articulate my thoughts. Hopefully sometime this weekend I'll get to reply at length!

Suffice it to say that it seems like every cycle has brought a new and profound lesson for me. It sounds crazy to say, but I'm actually glad that it's taken so long because the lessons I've learned are invaluable. If I would have gotten a BFP that first month we tried, I'd be so much less spiritually mature than I am now.

It's great to see what you've been learning. :)




Edited 8/28/2010 5:01 pm ET by peanuts_mom2006

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Registered: 01-15-2007
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 5:33pm

Okay, I have a bit of time now, so I'll try to recall some of the big lessons I've learned these past 12 months of TTC.

Here's a bit of background on me:
I got pregnant with baby #3 in December 2008 while I had a 2 year old and an 8-month old. Yikes! It wasn't planned, and we weren't even sure we wanted any more kids. So DH got a vasectomy in Feb. 2009 to make sure we didn't have any more 'mistakes'. Two weeks after the vasectomy, I had a miscarriage at 16 wks. In the 6 months after the m/c, God changed my heart and caused me to want more children, and He brought about the means and circumstances for us to get a vasectomy reversal, which happened August 2009. So we've been TTC ever since. To make things interesting, DH and I both know that we're perfectly healthy and fertile, so the fact that we're not pregnant yet tells us that our BFP is in God's timing.

Major lessons I've learned:
1. God is sovereign and in control -- There's nothing I can do to speed up getting pregnant. If it's God's will that I have another child, He will make it happen. He has the climates, the sun & moon, and the universe in his control. Nothing happens outside His sovereignty. So if I'm not pregnant yet, it is by his good and perfect will.
2. When I see a pregnant woman (or yet another friend having their 3rd child) and allow myself to get sad and angry about it, that is covetousness and is a sin. A passing feeling of sadness is normal, but letting it stick around and turn into anger is something I have control of.
3. If I don't guard my heart and my thoughts, getting pregnant can quickly become an idol. It has been essential for me to be in the Word daily, memorize scripture, and pray often to keep my mind pure and (mostly) out of trouble.
4. I've learned to be okay with the 'worst possible scenario' -- in my case, this would be never having any more children. It's taken me the better part of these 12 months, but I'm finally at the point where I am content with the idea of not having any more children. I would love to have a larger family if it's God's will, but having more children no longer consumes my thoughts and emotions.
5. GOD IS GOOD -- If it takes 2 years for me to get pregnant, He is good. If I never get pregnant, He is still good. He is good and His plans for me are good, and are for my best.

I am convinced that every trial is for our best and can be used to grow us into mature and Godly Christians. I know it doesn't feel like it at the time, but if we cling to God throughout our trials, He will be faithful to teach us through them. One of my favorite verses is from James 1:2-5:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."


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Registered: 05-11-1999
Mon, 08-30-2010 - 8:24pm
Thanks for sharing Autumn.

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Registered: 09-01-2010
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 12:31am

i am REALLY glad i came across this post! I can relate this in SOO many ways, its scary! My husband and I have been ttc for about 5 months now and about 3 months ago, my sister-in-law (his little sister) found out she was pregnant! and they weren't even trying!! I was actually shocked by the emotions I felt! I was devastated! Not for her or because of her in any way, but just that i felt it was supposed to be me and how unfair it was! I came to realize just how wrong I was and that God has a different plan for me than what I want! I've prayed about this for a long time and i truly believe God has given me some answers and comfort and faith! I just want to share what he has put on my heart and what

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2010
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 11:56pm

I am new to the TTC christian sisters board. Your post is a blessing. Thank you for letting God use you and for being transparent and honest. It is definitely not easy waiting. We've been trying 3 months and I reminded myself today that "They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength..."



I want to encourage you by sharing that I have an almost 5 year old daughter and we were TTC for 6 months with her. After concieving I was REALLY sick from 9 weeks until 7 months with hyperemesis. I had a picc line in my arm because I couldn't eat by mouth. I tell you I truly learned how to lean on the Lord. I never thought I'd spend almost my entire pregnancy on bedrest. I share this because as I look back I was in pain many days but I tried to have the right spirit. I remained thankful like you discussed in your post. You also made reference to how God won't put more on us than we can bear. He stayed with me and carried me and my baby through hospitalizations and nurse visits weekly to my house because I was so sick. Many people who know me ask how I could possibly want another baby after all of my sickness. I say because I LOVE my daughter and I trust GOD. he brought me through my sickness and he is soverign.



Be encouraged. He may not come when we want him but he is right on time. He loves it when we "get it." It seems to me that you understand what he is saying to you. We are human so it is okay for us to go through various emotions. I understand why it took me 6 months with my daughter and 7 months of agonizing pain and bedrest. God knew I'd have a testimony and I'd be able to tell others about his goodness and his care. I'd be able to tell others how I lifted my hands in the middle of the night as I laid on my back in pain because I knew he was there. Sorry if I'm rambling--He's just SOOOO good!! I can't wait to hear your praise report. He works in misterious ways and he knows how to get us to draw near to him.



Be blessed

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 09-21-2010 - 3:05pm

All of the responses are so inspiring and have truly touched me. My hubby and I are on cycle 2, TTC#1. Last month when I got my first BFN I cried as if someone had passed away. I was angry, sad, and bitter at my cousin and co-worker because they’re pregnant—just not in a good place at all. So, immediately told my husband—ohhhh no, I can’t deal with this month after month—I’m done TTC! This was only after one month!!!!



Well, shortly after my meltdown I was on another TTC website reading the boards and another hopeful mommy wrote about this eye opening moment for her. She was dealing with the frustrations of trying to have her second child. That day she walked in her daughter’s room to put away laundry and noticed one of the pictures on the wall. It was the picture of a cross, and on it, it said “Be Patient and Wait on God.” I instantly felt that God was speaking to me through this woman’s own experience. Not only that, but I realized that in just one month I became so obsessed with TTC that God wasn’t getting any of my time as he did before TTC! It was all about me me me. I asked for forgiveness and have chosen to shift focus to stay on God. Every day I say aloud, “Seek first the kingdom of God.” This scripture alone, is teaching me incredible lessons in putting God before everything and doing everything through Him.



I can’t begin to tell you how much peace I have compared to last month. My husband feels less stress as well. Month two for us has been very pleasant and enjoyable, just as it should be. There is one thing in my heart I am sure of, and it’s that we are to be parents. When? I don’t know. But whenever God is ready, so will we.



Thanks again ladies for sharing!!!

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Registered: 03-18-2003
Fri, 10-15-2010 - 3:46pm
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