42, just m/c last week. TCC again?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
42, just m/c last week. TCC again?
9
Sun, 09-14-2003 - 11:34pm
Hi,

I'm Donna and I turned 42 on Sept 11th - - on the same day as my D&C to end my doomed 8 week pregnancy.

Hubby (35) and I have been TCC for 20 months and did 6 cycles of IUI (clomid and repronex) to get pregnant. Last cycle (the one that worked) was to be our last cycle.

Since we've had this little taste of success, hubby wants to keep trying but I'm really ambivilant about that. I just turned 42 and I'm not sure I want to spend these next 20 years with a minor child. I have a 15 year old and am FINALLY enjoying the freedom of being able to leave him alone for a few hours without worrying about pedophiles or house fires, etc. There are things I want to do as an unencumbered (but happily married) woman!

But, at the same time, I was SOOOOOOO thrilled to be pregnant and all the inconveniences of the next 20 years will be more than worth it (I know!). Honestly, I think I'm scared to death that I'll get pregnant again and we'll lose it ... again. This was my first miscarriage and the grief was so intense. I hate feeling sad and I'm blessed to have the type of life where sadness is a rare thing. Would I ever feel "safe" in another pregnancy? Or would I spend 9 months worrying about the baby dying? Would that take all the joy out of pregnancy?

So, as you can tell, I have LOTS of questions. We can't even start to think about trying again until after one normal cycle so we've got two months (my D&C was just three days ago).

Has anyone else here tackled these questions? Any advice for me?

Hugs,

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 4:16am
hi donna...so sorry about your loss. what a sad way to spend your birthday...

we have had three early losses, the emotional healing does take awhile, i believe, intensified as well by the hormone rollercoaster as the hcg levels drop.

we did conceive our last son only one cycle after my last d&c(we were quite surprised)

i did have quantitative hcg levels drawn very early in the pregnancy that reassured me that the pregnancy was progressing very well. i did continue to worry a bit after that, but it consumed me less and less everyday the pregnancy continued. our son is now 16months old and just perfect and precious.

wishing you the best donna, please treat yourself gently for now.

hugs,

darice

48

mom to nicole 25, daniel 24, valerie and karin 20, logan 16, zachary 7, kendra 5 and beckett james 16months

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 6:56pm
Hi Donna,

I know how you feel. I am 40 yrs old with a 3 1/2 year old daughter. My husband and I would like to have one more. I had a m/c 1 year ago and have been trying for the last 8 mos. Nothing yet. I sometimes feel that maybe I should stop trying. I know if I do get pregnant again I too will be worrying the whole time. Is your 15 year old with your current spouse? You can just take a different approach to the whole situation and if it happens then great, if not you can enjoy your freedom from child rearing. Try not to stress over it. I know it is easier said then done. I find myself preoccupied every month that another month has gone by without a pregnancy.

Do what ever is in your heart.

Julie
Avatar for kellypatt5
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-19-2003 - 3:03pm
Hi Donna,

I have had 4 m/c's. Two early ones at 5 and 10 weeks and the last two at 16 weeks. Miscarriages are a death of a child and of dreams, though I know there is debate on the former. Thankfully I have 6 beautiful kids to make up for what I have lost, but it's never easy. Nothing takes the pain away but time. Everytime I'm pg I worry sick over losing a baby. I obsess over every twinge I get. My poor OB bless his heart is patient with me and understands my fears and gives me weekly u/s until 17 weeks.

I think I'm crazy for wanting to do this again at 40 and with my history.

Do what you what your heart tells you to do and good luck.


Kelly CC1 cd17 and no "O"

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 09-21-2003 - 12:20am
Thanks for the wonderful replies everyone!!

I think I'd be happy to "try again" if trying again meant sweet romantic love making and that's all. But, as you might recall from my first message, we have to use medical intervention to even have a slim chance of getting prego. This last pregnancy was the result of 6 IUI's (spread over a year). It's quite intrusive and it's precluding me going back to work (since it's hard to find a sympathetic employer who'll let you leave work with hardly any notice about four times per month).

I wish I could just get pregnant the old fashioned way!

It's been a week and two days since the D&C and my hormone levels are almost back to normal. It's good not to cry so much!

My husband is not the father of my 15 year old but is in the process of adopting him (I'm just thrilled about that!!!)

We have at least another 6 weeks before we need to make a decision about trying again. But we're not ruling it out. In fact, we have an appointment at a IVF clinic on Monday.

It's so inspiring to see other over-40 moms here! The Doctors at my clinic make us sound like we're making medical history to get pregnant at this "advanced" age! (LOL)

Thanks again for the nice replies!

Hugs,

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 12:24pm
Donna, sorry to hear about your lost. At our age (41) you do have second thoughts about going through this all over again. Best wishes to you for whatever decision you make.

Jean

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 9:24am
Hi there Donna,

So sorry to hear your news.

I haven't really any advice to offer you except to take good care of yourself. Like you I am 42 and ttc. I have two childen of 21 and 19 and am now with a new partner of 4 years. We have been ttc now for 3 months. I never ever thought that I would like more children, like you I was just beginning to enjoy some free time now my kids have gone off to university, but my DP always wanted one of his own. A few months back I realised that I would also like another baby, and now it's all I can think about. I never ever thought I would have problems falling pregnant again, how arrogant is that!!!! I now need all the advice I can get. I'm not taking any fertility supplements, but am charting.

Look after yourself Donna and keep the very best of luck and courage to you.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2003
Thu, 09-25-2003 - 11:50am
Hi Donna, I understand what you are feeling as I m/c in May with an ectopic and had to wait a couple months to try again. I have had 6 m/c and my miracle DD who is 7. She was conceived with IUI and meds. We did not TTC for many years after her birth because she was a micro-premie at 1 lb 5 oz and we were afraid to go through that again. By accident I got pg with the last m/c and we decided to give it another shot. So I met with my RE last week, had an X-ray of my tubes to check for blockage and my FSH and E2 measured. I am waiting for the results and hope to go on clomid as IVF is out of my budget. Seek what is in your heart. GL

Rach

(40) DH(35) DD(7) TTC#2
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
Sat, 10-04-2003 - 7:30pm
I too had d/c couple of weeks ago. It was so heart breaking. I did 5 insemination and one Invitro and I got pregnent on last insemination. Honestly, I think I got pregnent on my own. My husband and I did have sex against the doctor advice on my ovulation date. The reason I am replying to you is that you want to try Invitro and I for someone that has been through it and didn't get results, I want to tell you that if you have nothing wrong with you tubes, it is not worth the money and the troubles. My doctor pushed me into it and it was very costly ($12000). If you got pregnent by insemination, you have a chance to get pregnent again on your own and with insemination. Invitro is very costly and the chance of success for our age (42 years) is slim.

I am going to try on my own for 3 months and see what happens. I will use my body temperature and an ovulation kit for help. If you are still ovulating on your own or using clomid, why don't you try for afew months and see? Let me know. I need some encouragement myself. Thinking of going back to fertility treatment feels like going back for torture.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 7:18pm
Dear Donna, What a joy my new sons is to me. He is now 15 months old. I had him one week after my 52nd birthday.After tragically losing my only child in a car accident, which I had waited 18 years to conceive, we chose IVF with donor egg. I believe in looking after my body with natural products, and am sure this helped my pregnancy and my son at delivery. If you would like to contact me through my web site you are most welcome. www.myxango.com/lynette

It is believed I am the oldedst mum in NZ - and I am very proud of that.

Even though now my husband and I are on a divided path of both joy and sorrow, our new son has fulled our lives with joy again.

I say, Go for it Donna, and enjoy. We still intend to 'Do things' later, but our new family will be 'doing' them with us.

Kind Regards, Lyn Mason