BFN #4 - do I need to quit my job?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
BFN #4 - do I need to quit my job?
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 8:50pm
I did not get a true AF yesterday and this morning, just some vague spotting, 4 days late, so I had my GP order me a blood test, which came back BFN.

All I have to show for four cycles (since Jan. 9) are 10 or 12 extra pounds, and an increasingly difficult schedule to juggle between this and work.

I believe I am about to quit my job. I have a very responsible position, managing a business unit of a company, with 40+ employees here and overseas. It has been very stressful all this year, and I attribute the BFNs partly or perhaps wholly to the stress. Unfortunately, my character really won't allow me to "turn off" the job, even when I am not there, so it impinges on my entire life (I am often on the phone late nights, early mornings, weekends...) Should I just quit? DH says yes, but I am concerned both about the money and also about the loss of a major part of my identity.

I believe I will try just to get some time off, but you see, there isn't anyone else who can do my job, so I don't know how the place is going to function unless they actually replace me.

Best wishes to all,


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:39am

Lisa Iam sorry about your negative.

The question about your job is a hard one.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:08pm
Hi Lisa,

I am really sorry for your BFN. They are so difficult.

I was in the same boat as you & had to stop working as I am a photographer & the days are long with heavy equipment to carry. The season is getting in gear now so I have some people shooting for me & will try to pop in & help a little if I can. I am sure the stress & hectic lifestyle is not helping your situation. I know it is hard & as far as me & my DH we are starting to see $$ trouble, but I have been out for 5 months now. IF is considered a disability, although I was denied coverage & am still fighting it. If I were you I would also have some further tests run to see if anything else is contributing to this. You should see Dr. Beer & get him to run some blood work so you know exactly what you are dealing with. He is the best!! His web site is

Hope this helps.


Lilypie Baby Days
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:38pm
Dear Cathie and Lisa,

Thanks for your messages. It's great knowing there are friends out there who understand.

Lisa, do you really think I can claim short-term disability for this? In that case, I will try, not for the IUI but for the IVF. For the IUI I think I will hold tight and take off about half the days between the IUI and the end of the 2ww, and take the rest of the days easy (that's the plan, unfortunately it does not always work out in reality). For the IVF, then, should I get my doctor to fill out some form?

It doesn't solve the "what are they going to do without me" issue and stressing about that, but it does solve some of the $$ issue.

Any input on this appreciated. It's really intriguing. Lisa, keep us posted on how your fight is going!!

All the best to you,


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Sat, 05-22-2004 - 4:20pm
Decide what is important to you, what is Most important to you. Then make your decision from there.

Ask yourself why your job is so important in terms of your identity. What is identity anyways? What is strength? Is it for yourself or for what you are supposed to represent in the worlds eyes?

When it comes to a major role in your life, just do one at a time, no juggling. It will only affect yourself and everyone else around you if you are juggling. Think quality not quantity.

As far as the job goes, there is always someone who will fill someone else's shoes. Its just how it is. Good luck in whatever route you take.