Difficult decision to discuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Difficult decision to discuss
11
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 2:49pm

OK, this is difficult to even post but I thought it was worth a discussion because you like me are all TTC.  Today I got an e-mail that I was a possible bone marrow donor match and to please contact the bone marrow donor registry.  Wow.  That made my heart leap.  I called the number and said I am TTC and they said in that case that they would inactivate me for 2 years.  I said that would be fine.  I feel terribly selfish.  It was not an easy thing to say no to.  I remember why I registered to be a donor, and you hope and pray you are never the person who needs one or your relative or child.  And its not the inconvenience or time off from work or the pain, but its the time itself of having to stop TTC in order to do it.  I feel so guilty right now. 

I know this is a tough one to discuss probably and maybe controversial so Vickie if you think you should remove this I am ok with that. 

Life's decisions are not always so black and white.  My suggestion to anyone on the registry and TTC would be to inactivate yourself immediately. 

Sharon

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Sat, 08-18-2012 - 5:33pm
Thanks for all talking it over with me like true friends whose opinions i trust.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2008
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 10:32pm

Sharon,

I have a little information that will set your mind at ease (at least I hope so).  I have a good friend's daughter who has leukemia and they have been searching for a donor.  You were most likely one of many that they were screening for a potential match.  Just because they took you off the registry temporarily does not mean that you were ever the ideal match for that person or that the person will not get their bone marrow donation.  They do additional testing on a pretty large group of people in order to find the best match, but they also try to have more than one donor lined up in case one doesn't work out.  There is actually a high number of people who make it all of the way to the end and then don't follow through.  You were right to take your name off the list if you didn't think that you could follow through; that allows them to look for more potential matches that have a higher probability of being able to work.

And as a side note, donating bone marrow is nothing like donating an organ like a kidney.  It is my understanding that procedure is actually very similar to donating blood.

I hope this helps you feel better about your decision.

Tracy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 11:15am

Sharon,

I too agree with your decision. I would not feel guilty about it either. You are trying like all of us holding off on things to TCC. Somedays are just easier than others. Hang in there!

Chris

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2010
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 10:59am

Sharon, this is TTC related and perfectly fine to post. I'm sorry you were put in the spot where you had to decline but I don't think it is selfish at all.  If you declined to go shoe shopping- you should feel guilty but you are doing this for you and your family so there should be no guilt there.  Sending ((HUGS)) I know you will worry about this but you did nothing wrong- hang in there. I would have made the same decision that you did.

Vickie

My Ovulation Chart <img      

  

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 9:40am

Thanks for your thoughts on the matter.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2011
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 6:16am

I would do it for a stanger, but not at this point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 6:02am
That's what my husband said. He would do it for someone he knows only. Which is why he is not on the registry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2011
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 6:59pm

Unfortunately it is a "gray" area in life.  If it were a member of my family, I would save their life without question or hesitation.  I also know that at my age, this is my very last 6 months to a year(at best) at having a child. That would have to take precedence right now over just being a general donor.  That's a tough call Sharon, and I feel for you.

Annemarie