Frustrated....

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Registered: 03-28-2010
Frustrated....
16
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 6:27pm

by comments made to me, over past few weeks!!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

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Registered: 02-12-2010
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 7:05pm

Awww (((((kiki))))

I think you have to be comfortable with your decision to go forward or not. Not taking into consideration anything anyone else is saying. Plenty of women m/c and many of them are NOT over 40. Some over 40's have perfectly healthy eggs as a general rule. I think those people are being pretty darn insensitive to insinuate that it is in any way, your fault for wanting to have another baby at "your age." I personally say screw them... I try to make my decisions based on my own feelings. Try to weed through the comments and determine how you feel when you take them out. It sounds like you were willing to try again before others had "feedback." Their feedback is now playing on your own fears that it may happen again, which is a strong deterrent. I think it is good that at least the wedding gives you some time to think things over for a while longer before you feel like you have truly arrived at a decision. The only person other than yourself that you should consider in whether to try again is of course DF (soon to be DH :). I don't think there is a right or wrong decision here except whatever decision you both feel is right or wrong for you both. Hugs again... I wish the decision was less painful for you. Hang in there.

~Michele

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Registered: 03-28-2010
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 7:12pm

okay....I am angry & I am just going to vent!!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

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Registered: 03-28-2010
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 7:17pm

thanks Michele....I was so much more optimistic, when we 1st decided to try, but now that I m/c'ed & I have to hear the comments, it really makes me 2nd guess everything.....maybe I am just having a bad day!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

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Registered: 09-21-2009
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 7:29pm
Unfortunately this reaction is not uncommon. One thing I learned after the loss of my daughter, is that people in our country do not know what to say to some one who is grieving and they think they have the right to say whatever pops into their head. I had one man say to me, " Its not like you lost a real baby "… I was at 38 wks. I also found that people want it to be your fault, because then it is something you did and not something that can happen to them. This did not happen because you are too old. Women miscarrying at all ages for many different reasons. This is not some thing you did. There is nothing wrong with you wanting a child in your 40s. Before BC, women had children in there 40s all the time, it is just in the last 60 yrs or so that it has become taboo. You lost your hopes and dreams when you lost this baby....I am so sorry for you lose. Hugs Mel
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Registered: 09-19-2011
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 8:47pm

I have thought about my decision to TTC after age 40 again and again.

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Registered: 03-28-2010
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 9:00pm

Thank you Mel!!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

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Registered: 03-28-2010
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 9:05pm

thank you Annemarie....need to hear this......I am so fed up & frustrated with people, lately! I guess, my body & hormones are making me more emotional.....I just want a fair chance at being a mommy again!

I know of sooo many women that have had kids in their 40's and healthy babies!!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

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Registered: 04-21-2010
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 9:35am

Sorry I'm seeing this late and I just want to say I'm sorry people are so insensitive with the things that come out of their mouths. It isn't your fault that you lost that little one.

My Ovulation Chart <img      

  

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Thu, 01-12-2012 - 10:25am

Vickie....thanks!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

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Thu, 01-12-2012 - 11:11am

found this article on m/c in case anyone else wants to read it:

"Despite their prevalence, it is always devastating when a woman experiences a miscarriage. A large portion of women will experience at least one miscarriage during their reproductive years. If you have had a miscarriage, take the time to understand better why these occur and why it is not your fault.

"When you conceive and a baby is created, it takes half its genes from the sperm and half from the egg that ovulated that month. At the exact time of conception, the cross-over of these genes takes place. Sometimes, for no reason other than bad luck, some information is lost and the pregnancy is destined from that point not to be.

"It might be that this lost information is not needed for many weeks, and the pregnancy will continue as normal until that time. When the needed information is not there, it is then that the baby dies and you begin to miscarry.

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

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