How do you all deal with it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
How do you all deal with it?
12
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 6:52pm
I have been reading different message boards regarding TTC over 40. I have read numerous articles about being over 40. I don't believe I have ever read anything positive. It is so discouraging, and I haven't even started to see a specialist. I just wondered how everyone deals with this and has anyone found a positive article or website regarding fertility at 40. Good Luck to everyone and my prayers are with all of you.

Pam

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 8:33pm
Hey Pam!

Welcome to this board. Well the numbers can sometimes look bad, but they are only numbers. When we hear things like we are at a higher risk for Down's children, the risk is only 1:100 - and 1% is not very much. We are betting the odds, and yes, some of us wil not have perfect children, we will miscarry, we will have our hearts broken, and yes its worth it. Thank God we live in 2004, technology has come so far, and more and more women over 40 with kids is becoming the norm and not the unique situation. We are better supported, better studied, better prepared, and just ready to give what it takes to be moms at this point in our life. How do I deal with it?? I am a realist, and I understand the risks, and I understand what can be done. I have told others this, but I am a Pediatric ICU nurse. I see all of the bad things that can go wrong come rolling through my doors every single day. The thing that stands out to me, is that its usually young mothers who have the most profoundly effected kids. I asked one our docs about this and he gave me some wonderful information. On the average, the reason that women over 40 have a higher rate of miscarriage is that our mature bodies will generally reject profoundly chromosomally effected children, where younger women will bring them to term. So you see, there are no guarantees at any age. If this is what you want, prepared yourself and go for it. The risks are there, but the possible joys are so much greater.

I am sure you will hear from many of the wonderful, insightful and brave women who come to this board. They have gotten me through the last couple weeks with their stories as I begin my journey to motherhood. I am in the first stages, and waiting for my next period to start so that I can start the blood testing to check for "egg condition" and then I am having an HSG to check out the plumbing so to speak. I will keep you all posted over the next week, I feel AF coming......

Welcome Pam, and may your find the peace to choose your path wisely.

Sophia

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 11:19am
I agree with Sophia - there's nothing that should keep you from trying, even the risks. As for success stories- they are out there - you just have to looks.

My sister just had her 1st at 41 - my Mom had her 8th at 39 - and I'm 7 weeks into my pregnancy and I'm 40 - and still praying every single day that this one is okay - but I understand that things may happen but I'd like to think, I'm in a good place and I can roll with it. I'm not going to say it wouldn't hurt because it would - but I do really believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle.

Anyway - there are alot of ladies on this board who have been trying alot longer than me and have gone through a heck of alot more than me and they're still up for the challenge and fight so I figure I've got a heck of a long way to go.

Don't be discouraged. If one Doctor tells you no, seek out another! If that one says no, seek another! At this point, there's certainly no reason to think that this can't happen to you!

Good luck and keep us in the loop!

Baby dust and sticky vibes to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 10:22pm
Thanks for the welcome Sophia. I too, am a nurse but, and ER nurse. I see my share of good and bad with "babies having babies" and even saw a 50 year old woman with an 8 month old and I called her gramma and she told me, "no I am mommy". Her pregnancy was purely accidental also. She said she was upset at first but, was very happy now and the baby was beautiful. My great grandmother on my mothers side was 52 when she had my gramma's sister. According to my gramma, the birth certificate, and census records from the early 1900's. I told my doctor about that and he said that back then non married women had babies and sometimes other women would "claim" them as to not have the family shamed and that she was probably not the mother of the child although my grandmother knew she was. My mother reached menopause at 52, so, I would like to think I have a little time left since we tend to follow our mothers path. I am 41 and had a son at age 20 via c-section and have never tried to conceive since then. I have never had any surgeries besides that, never any STD's. I have no signs of endometriosis or other conditions, although, you don't always have symptoms. There is a possiblity of DES ingestion by mother while I was in utero. I have been charting for 2 months. My first chart was a mess. This one looks promising. I am now at CD18 and waiting. My periods are generally only 22-26 days apart. Now I have a younger man in my life who never had any children and I have been researching and probably need to get going to see what kind of problems, if any, that we may have. Everything I have read is so negative. Your message was the most positive thing I have read. Thank you, and please do keep me posted. I am most happy to have someone to talk to about this as most people I work with, my friends, and my family think I am crazy.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 10:38pm
Hello and thank you for your reply. Congratulations and best wishes with your pregnancy. I posted a few success stories in my reply to Sophia. Also, remembered my friend's mother was 44 when she had her. Is this your first pregnancy? How long have you been trying? Keep me posted on your progress. I am happy to have someone to talk to. I will be calling and RE tomorrow and making an appointment. Thanks again.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 11:22pm
Pam,

I was not supposed to be able to get pregnant, so when we showed up pregnant in July, we were SHOCKED!! After a couple days and a couple ativan on my partners part, we were very excited. The miscarriage at 8 weeks was devastating, so now we realize how much we want this. My partner, by the way, is 10 years younger than me (I am 40), and I have to say, younger guys rock! We have been together for 5 years, and it just gets better all the time.

When I think about what our grandmothers did it amazes me. My dad was the youngest of 13, the only boy of an extrememly overweight (over 400 pounds) diabetic and weighed 13 pounds (ironically) at birth!! Grandma was 45 at the time and delivered at home with just her other sister around. It seems we both came from hardy stock. I think its a good sign. Please feel free to email me directly at sophiacat34@yahoo.com. It would be great to stay in touch as we trip through this process.

Good luck to you, and I send you all the sticky baby dust I can spare!

Sophia

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 10:05am
See - you do come from healthy stock! I would think that's good news for you! Don't give up - there's no reason to - Hope your appointment goes well with your RE - definately keep us posted!

I'm pg with #1 - I didn't get married until I was 35 and didn't really start trying until last year - got pg right off but it was a blighted ovum (found out at 12 weeks - ouch). We probably should have started trying again right away but we were in the process of selling our house and moving and I just didn't want all that stress - then the holidays came up on us - things didn't settle down until March - My doctor wanted me to try for 6 months before taking any further steps. I was getting a bit antsy and of course, I got pg on our 6th try. Still doing ALOT of praying. Have an appointment today - hoping to weasel an u/s out of it!

My sister who just had her first - went through a few cycles of clomid but stopped because it wacked her out too much - she conceived Molly naturally.

So it IS possible!

Anyway - keep us posted and good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 6:54pm
Well, I made the appointment for the 23d of this month. Also started spotting this morning and its only day 19. 11DP0 according to my software program and fertility friend.

Seems things are changing. My last 3 cylces were 21 days and now this on is only 19? I wonder what the causes might be. I have heard when you become perimenopausal your periods are less frequent and this seems to be the opposite. Some things I have read say caffeine consumption and a history of smoking cause increased frequency of the menstrual cycle. Who knows. I suppose I will find out more on the 23d. I will keep you posted and also you keep me posted on your progress.

Avatar for justpatty
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 11:04am
If its what you really want don't give up. I know all the numbers look bad but there are many women out there having babies in their 40's. I did it, I had my ds at 43 without any problems. I am trying to keep positive myself becsuse we have been trying for another for 1 1/2 years now. I will be 46 in December, and started going to a RE in June. At my first apptmnt I was told the odds of a over 40 having a child was 1 in a million, well i guess I have a 1 in a million baby then, but I want another. I have had 2 cycles of injectables with IUI,unfortunatly they did not work. I am currently on a natural cycle on cd14. I showed a lh surge on cd12. I went for blood work today to see if I o'd. What I am trying to say is I am not giving up yet. My mom had me when she was 36, and that was old to have a baby 45 years ago.Good luck to all.

Baby dust

Patty

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 6:44pm
Thanks Patty. I made my appointment for later this month. It is definitely what I want but I hate set my self up for a big dissapointment. My periods over the past few months have been too frequent. According to FF I ovulated on CD9 and my period started on CD19. It is a pretty clear chart as far as I know about charts and only a couple temps were the wrong time due to me working midnight shifts. It seems I would be having a short LP. I have been under the most severe stress of my life since the beginning of July. My last 3 cycles were 23 days, 21 days and now 19 days. I have not been eating right also and have lost 10-14 pounds. I am rather small to begin with. I have been taking vitamins and trying my best to eat healthy. I probably cry every other day although I have good days. I am hoping the stress and weight loss is the reason for the irregular cycles these past few months. My cycles were always short to begin with but not only 19 days. They have always been at least 21 and as long as 26 over the past year. I am afraid time is running out. I just keep praying.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 2:49pm
Hi,

I read your post and just wanted to encourage you. I'm 45 and TTC#3. I have two healthy boys, both conceived naturally, and I had them at 39 and 42. Since then I've been pregnant twice(naturally) but sadly miscarried early on.

That being said, I know the odds of m/c go up and everything else I guess too. I still believe that I will have another healthy baby. It can be a tough journey but many women these days seem to have babies over 40.

Forgo the naysayers and stick with those who will encouarge you and help you pursue your dream...

Sandy

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