I am very discouraged...RE doesn't help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
I am very discouraged...RE doesn't help
6
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 11:59am
Hello everyone,

I just had my first cycle of repronex and IUI and it failed. I jsut came back from RE for u/s CD3 to do another cycle and it shows 9 antral follicles (last cycle I had 3)..this RE never shows me any hope...I asked isn't that better...his answer, well....

I thought I responded well on the repronex..he said yes because your ovaries are aging and that is why they responded immediately so that is not a good thing. (I was not suppressed), so he treats my response with negativity. (I ended up with 2 mature and 2 less than mature). Now today with 9 early follicles, he still gives me no hope..why shoud I bother? I am so very discouraged. This was my first time..I just turned 43 a few weeks ago, and this RE keeps telling me to do IVF immediately, my only hope and that is a slim hope??? Every time I mention my good FSH results, he doesn't care, he only looks at the u/s. To every question he reacts negatively...keeps saying he's sorry? What is this? I need hope..right now I don't even want to go on..in fact I'm getting kind of angry...he keeps pushing IVF and then IVF with donor..Heck I have two kids and I had a miscarriage last year, I have regular AF's...I'm aware I'm losing eggs and quality is declining...but they are not dead yet. He makes me feel totally hopeless so why even bother spending the $10,000? (I only have enough $$ for one try) or spend it on several injec/iui..maybe I shoud give this up..I'm sorry I am feeling very down right now..any of you out there have supportive, optimistic RE's? Or at least someone who has a little hope, is encouraging and wants to try?

By the way, he is putting me on letrozole and repronex (2 amps) this time...

Thanks everyone for reading...

Barbara

I hope someone here has good news this month!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 6:42pm
Barb,

I'm so sorry about the IUI...... I know how disappointing this is. I'm sending you a great big hug....

Is there any way for you to look for a new RE or at least talk to him/her about the situation? This is a time when we need the most positive people around us. It's also important to have someone realistic and honest, but to have someone so negative doesn't do anyone any good. Perhaps you can "shop around" a bit for someone better suited to your needs.

My RE here in California is a very realistic person; gives me all the facts, statistics, percentages, etc., which can all be overwhelming and daunting. But, he also gives me hope and encouragement; something I need so badly after a m/c followed by two failed IUI's.

We'll probably be going straight to IVF now only because we have just enough left in insurance to cover one IVF (or a few more IUI's), so we thought we'd just go for it. My RE said it was completely up to us, but when I asked him if he was making this decision with his wife what would he do; he said he would most likely go straight to IVF. So, we're taking this month "off" and will probably do the IVF sometime late June.

So I know exactly how you feel.... Don't give up. Our bodies are amazing things and the Dr.'s know only so much. The rest is up to nature. Keep faith in yourself. It's difficult; I've had many days where I've questioned what I am doing and that perhaps I am too old (I am 42, will be 43 in December). But then I hear of another friend, or friend of friend, who just got pregnant, is 40-something, and doing great....

So hang in there... keep doing what you're doing.... and be around positive people!

Sending big hugs your way.

Linda

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 12:31pm
Barb,

I can imagine how frustrated you are! I got frustrated myself hearing what your RE keeps telling you!

I agree with the other response, I would definitely check out other REs in your area. I have been researching REs via the CDC published results. I cannot send you the direct link, since (strangely) if you try that, it says you are not authorized to view it. Instead, go to CDC.gov and do a quick search for IVF. You will get to a screen that allows you to choose your state, then all the results are listed. Unfortunately, they are only from 2001 (they apparently take over a year to verify and tabulate). This is how I came up with my "short list" for IVF, and it may be worth looking at even if you are not planning on IVF because I would gather that higher results indicate an overall better clinic in many cases.

Strange, too, to note that my RE was thrilled with my response, saying it was great for a woman my age (I know, sort of a mixed compliment!) So, your RE may be somewhat unique in interpreting results such as he does.

We know our ovaries are aging - how infuriating that he keeps reminding you of that!

Also, I am looking into alternative therapies such as acupuncture, herbs, wheatgrass, maybe yoga, etc. (yes, a la Julia Indichova, in case you've heard of her excellent book Inconceivable). I would say it's definitely worth a shot for anyone in our situation - and it can't hurt, provided you see reputable practitioners (I got a recommendation from someone on this board, which I'll share with you privately if you are in the NYC area).

We are all here supporting you. Please let us know how it goes either with your current RE, or with a new one. In the meantime, I send you a truckload of sticky baby dust!

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 5:28pm
Hi Linda,

Thanks so much for your response..it helps. I wish I had the luxury of shopping around. There are only 3 RE's here (I am in central Florida) and when I first contacted the others, they had an IVF cutoff of age 42.10. With such severity of rules, I didn't even bother even though I was not considering IVF. My insurance does not cover any fertility treatments, so I am working strictly on cash. I could either blow it all on one IVF, or continue injectibles/IUI. This was my first try. I realize that time is of the essence (you have a few months more than me!!). But I also realize that it is a drug balance and this cycle we are trying letrozole and repronex. And with 9 baseline follicles, who knows?

You are so right with regards to negativity...it sure doesn't help. I need to remain positive and that affects our bodies more than we know. Your RE sounds great...at least you are provided some hope. That's funny, when I first met with this RE, I asked him the same thing, if it was your wife, what would you do? He said he has been there, did IVF, everything, they adopted. But I am sure they had unlimited funds. If I did, I would have already done IVF. But I have to work smart with the $$ I have.

Well, keep us posted on your preparations for IVF. With your insurance coverage, you are doing the right thing....

Thanks again,

Barb

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 6:13pm
Hi Lisa,

Thanks for your response..it is comforting! I will look into CDC.gov. Unfortunately, there are only two RE's here in my part of Florida. I just posted to Linda explaining why I chose this one. I do however visit my family in NY frequently, perhaps I should look into an RE there. Maybe it would be worth scheduling a trip. I have no doubt you are in good hands with a NY doc. I too am interested in alternative meds...I read Julia's book also, I would love to go to one of her clinics! Yesterday I was somewhat fed up and did what I have been wanting to do; I made an appointment with an accupuncturist/herbalist. So I am seeing him next week. I am again reminded that we have to take our health into our own hands sometimes. I don't always trust doctors. When my mother was dying of cancer, I went though so many other options, remedies, etc., and found out there is so much more we can do as consumers (not medical experts), her illness became a sort of "business" and she did outlive the stats by a number of months. Now I feel in this "quest", this is has become a business of its own. And I better be proactive before I age further and funds run out.

I can either do one IVF or several injectibles/IUI. And since I just had my first cycle, I am willing to give it one or two more tries. I am on different drugs this time, letrozole and repronex and I think it is pretty good to have 9 baseline follicles. So despite what this expert says, and my temporary self pity, I feel I still have a good chance.

Thanks so much for the support, these boards have been a wonderful source of hope.

And you? Are you going to pursue the alternative natural methods or will you consider IVF at some point?

OR, maybe you will have a positive result TODAY?

Thanks,

Barb

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 9:51pm
Barb,

There are many qualified REs in NYC and the tristate area. I usually don't "name names" on the boards, but I will quote published CDC results:

- Reproductive Medicine Associates of New Jersey (the one I am considering - I have an appt in July since the top doc there is booked up until then),

- Program for In Vitro Fertilization, Reproductive Surgery and Infertility at NYU, and

- Weill Medical College of Cornell University Center for Reproductive Medicine & Infertility

seem to have the best results in this area. If I were you, I would travel at least to have a consultation and review what your RE has done. Let me know if you're coming to NYC; I would love to meet you!

It is difficult to decide between IUIs and IVF. I too have financial constraints as my insurance has a $4,000 lifetime limit for fertility (a joke), which has LONG AGO been used up. I am paying out of pocket now. An IUI cycle seems to cost around $2K plus drugs, and an IVF one about $10K plus drugs. It's astounding.

I think I will do one or two more IUI cycles, then go to IVF. I would go sooner, but I want to do it at the "best" clinic, so I'll proceed this way. I am mixing alternative remedies with IUI/IVF.

I can't wait to hear what your acupuncturist/herbalist has to say. I am seeing one on Monday, and I'll report findings as well.

Hang in there Barb and keep us posted!

All the best,

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 1:44am
Hi Barbara,

Sound like he doen't have a very good bed side manner. You need +++++vibes now not neg ones. Your FSH is good & you have a good fertile history. Hang in there!! If he continues like this you may want to get a 2nd opinion.

Keep us posted.

Lisa
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